


Starry-Eyed

by liziscribbles



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Akechi is Ren's ex and it ended badly, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Angst and Fluff, Eventual Smut, M/M, Mona is a normal cat, Protagonist Goes By Ren, Rating May Change, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Well... kind of a slow burn., dancer!Ren, most character backstories remain unchanged
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-09-27 22:18:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 62,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17170472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liziscribbles/pseuds/liziscribbles
Summary: So, we burst into colors, colors and carousels;fall head first like paper planes in playground games...Somehow, though they've been friends with the same people for years, Ren and Yusuke have never met... but boy, oh boy when they do.( I subtitled this "Two depressed boys meet cute and fall in love" in my outline, and it feels apt. )





	1. Hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i was behind, behind;_  
>  _now i wish i had fasted forwards._  
>  _all of this time, this time,_  
>  _you have been right around the corner._  
> [hello](https://open.spotify.com/track/7zQsCWpDUHIMtUBm3wJo4Q?si=yUgsbd2mRCCKxPmPLRUceQ) ;; allie x  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HchPnTGKewA) ]

After what felt like the longest winter Ren had ever experienced, it was finally starting to warm up. Days were getting a little bit longer, and Ren could finally look outside Leblanc at four in the afternoon without seeing a darkening sky. Sure, the night was fast approaching, but the sky was still medium-blue, and it wouldn't start turning orange or pink until the sun got a little bit closer to the horizon. That particular Thursday was the first day of the year it was actually comfortable to have the windows open. The fresh air and the slight breeze were good enough company for the time being.

The only problem was, for the rest of the day the shop would be even slower than usual. Primetime was usually around lunch and into the late afternoon, when most people were taking their lunch breaks. After four p.m., Ren only ever usually saw three or four people until closing at nine. Sometimes, he wondered why Sojiro liked staying open as late as he did, but honestly, those last few hours gave him a little bit of time to prepare for the next day. He usually spent it starting the roaster, checking the ingredients, and putting a checklist together of things he needed to do the next day.

Truth be told, as good as the job was, and as grateful as Ren was to Sojiro for offering it to him when he'd been so down on his luck, sometimes Ren was bored. It was a fine job, it really was. It was just hard to look down the road twenty years and think about himself still standing behind this counter, managing a mostly-dead coffee shop.

It wasn't like he had a whole boatload of options, though. Plus, as far as jobs went, working at Leblanc wasn't the worst thing. He'd lived over the top of the cafe for three years now—well, four years total, though he almost didn't want to count the year he went back to Okina as an actual year of his life—and Sojiro never made him pay any rent. He had the bath and the laundromat across the street, and he was allowed to go to Sojiro's house and use whatever he needed there as well, so it wasn't like he was miserable or anything. As far as living arrangements went, he could do a whole lot worse. It wasn't like he hated the place or anything.

No matter how much he thought about it, though, he couldn't stop the lingering bitterness he had about having all his other options stripped away. Now, whether he liked it or not, he was managing the place. Shaking the thought off, he went back to wiping a few coffee beans from the counter. When he finished, he slid into the corner booth and returned to his book. He probably wouldn't see anyone until Futaba came in later to make sure he wasn't bored to death, just like any other day.

Lately, he found himself reading college-level books for fun, like there was a tiny voice in the back of his mind telling him that was where he wanted to be. The voice was probably right. He was twenty-one, most of his friends were in college. Even Ryuji, after he'd rejoined the track team in third year, was offered a scholarship to run on the school's track team. Ren paused and shook his head. Even Ryuji. That wasn't fair. Ryuji was pretty smart, and ever since Haru had started working with him and helping him with school stuff, he'd become even smarter. He was still the same Ryuji, though. He still cursed up a storm and didn't really _use_ his newfound intelligence outside of schoolwork, but Ren was pretty proud of him.

Proud, and a little jealous. It wasn't lack of effort keeping Ren out of college. He'd had a plan. Go to a four-year dance college, and then a two-year education college, so he could open his own studio and teach dance professionally, or maybe be a choreographer. He'd been dreaming of it since he was a kid, when his childhood dance teacher had changed his life by believing in him so much.

So, of _course_ he'd tried. He'd tried as hard as he could for a long time, actually. He and his friends sat together filling out college applications. Ren had applied for a dance tryout at the Tokyo Institute of the Arts, Waseda University, Tama Art University, Toho Gakuen, and even some schools outside of Tokyo. Anywhere he could go to learn to dance. They'd all turned him down, and not due to any lack of skill on Ren's part. At least, they never said as much. The only reason he was ever given was his damned criminal record. That damned assault charge on his record would follow him for the rest of his life, anchoring him exactly where he was.

Even all the junior colleges turned him down. Even the ones that _didn't_ teach dance classes turned him down.

After three years, the thought still frustrated him and had him gripping his book a little bit tighter. Nothing about the situation was his fault, and he'd be dealing with the consequences forever. He winced, shaking his head hard and trying to focus on reading his kinesiology book. No matter how many times he thought about this, it always got to him. It always hurt. His friends were all succeeding, which was great, but how long until none of them had time for him anymore, and he was left behind alone? Truth be told, being alone was always his greatest fear... and it felt like he was biding his time now-

Fortunately, before he could send himself even further down this vicious spiral of a thought process, the bell over Leblanc's door rang and snapped him out of it. He looked up from his book in surprise. Someone was here? That was new. Normally, he wouldn't see another customer until six or seven, and then not another until around eight thirty. He had it down to a science at this point. Then again, Sojiro usually worked on Thursdays. This week he had a date or something, so Ren had offered to cover for him. Maybe Thursdays got more customers. If that was the case, he'd have to ask Sojiro to switch.

Ren regarded the customer for a second. He looked around like he was expecting to see someone in particular, then furrowed his brows in confusion. He glanced over his shoulder at the door, like he was checking something, and Ren couldn't help but wonder what was wrong.

"Can I help you?" Ren asked.

The blue haired boy looked like he was around Ren's age. Not much older, or much younger. He turned sharply when Ren spoke, blinking and sizing Ren up like he was unsure about the stranger talking to him. Still, after a beat of consideration, he spoke up. "Ah, perhaps. My apologies, I was simply looking for the proprietor of this establishment."

Ren shrugged. "Sojiro's not working today," he explained. "I'm the manager, though. Do you need something?"

It was Ren's turn to examine the customer. He was tall and slender, very slender, bordering malnourished-looking. His blue hair was about a foot long from root to tip, and tied in the messiest excuse for a ponytail Ren had ever seen, and he had dazzling light gray eyes. His clothes, a blue t-shirt with a dark brown jacket and form-fitting black jeans, were spattered in what looked like dried paint, but he looked completely unfazed by that fact. An artist maybe, or maybe someone who painted houses? No. Ren might not have known him, and maybe it was a bold assumption, but he didn't think there was a very big chance that someone like him painted houses.

"Ah, I... I see. Well, I come by once or twice a week. I'm friendly with Boss' daughter-"

Arching an eyebrow, Ren looked at him in surprise. "You come by twice a week?" he interrupted, but it was a little bit surprising, honestly. Ren had worked here for the better part of three years and he'd never seen this boy before.

The boy nodded, but quickly shrugged his head to the side. "Not every week, I suppose. Much less when school is in session, since it's a rather long train ride to get here from Ueno, and it's much easier to get food and coffee somewhere closer to home. I'm fairly certain Boss will show me no shortage of displeasure if I ever admit that to him in person."

Ren chuckled. "Probably. Can't have his customers regularing at some other coffee shop, right?" he asked as he walked around behind the counter.

With a little smile, the boy nodded. "I trust you'll keep this secret between us? Manager or not, it's not information I divulge lightly," he pointed out, and even though they were strangers, Ren could still sense the playfulness in his tone.

"Maybe. Would it _really_ be managerial of me not to share the latest news about our patrons with my boss?" Ren half-smiled as he leaned forward against the counter. "I mean, I _could_ keep it to myself. If you, say, ordered a little more food than usual and left me a decent tip."

Just like that, the pleasant and playful air faded into awkward silence as the boy glanced down at the floor. He smoothed a hand through his hair, accidentally tugging a few long pieces of blue bangs out and partially obscuring his eyes from view. Instantly, Ren figured it must have been something he said. The shift in mood hadn't come from nowhere, and Ren had been the last one to speak, so... what had happened? Had he assumed too much comfort or friendship with a stranger? He used to be a _lot_ better at social interaction. A few years ago, he used to be able to walk into a room full of strangers and come out with at least three new friends, but now, he couldn't even handle a conversation with a single stranger without making an idiot of himself?

Before Ren could spiral too far down into his self-imposed mental collapse, the boy spoke up again. "Ah. This is... incredibly embarrassing," he admitted, "but there is a reason I choose this particular coffee shop to come to once or twice a week, and why it is toward the end of the week."

Ren arched an eyebrow in silent question.

"You see, toward the end of the week, I tend to be a little short on cash. I have it, of course, but most of it is reserved for train or bus fare, or other necessities. Boss... he is kind enough to assist me by letting me come here at the end of the day to have a free meal and cup of coffee. I suppose that is out of the question, given his current absence, right?"

The explanation had Ren jumping to attention, though. Sojiro had left a note next to the cash register, detailing little things he usually did on his days in the shop. On the very top of the list, Ren recalled seeing something perfectly fitting what this boy was describing. He reached for the paper and looked it over quickly. 'Kitagawa Y., free deluxe double pork honey curry and mint macchiato, whenever he comes in. Use the good coffee beans. The kid needs it.'

Once he found the information he needed, he finally answered. "That must make you Kitagawa-san, then?"

The boy's expression perked. "You know of me?"

Ren nodded. "At least sort of," he admitted with a soft chuckle. "Sojiro left me a memo. Deluxe double pork honey curry and a mint macchiato, right?"

For a second, Kitagawa looked a little hesitant, and then a little sad. Just as quickly, a resigned expression crossed his face as he lifted a hand to rest on his stomach. "Yes, thank you."

It didn't take a genius to figure out exactly what Kitagawa's shift in mood was about, and Ren considered it to himself as he started putting the macchiato together. He was hesitant, because he didn't know if he would be able to afford to eat for the rest of the week if he had to _pay_ for his meal, and that made him sad. Still, he needed to eat tonight, so he resigned himself to having to face that possibility later on. Ren frowned. He was pretty fortunate to live in the circumstances he did. Rent-free apartments didn't generally exist in the real world, and Ren only had one because he lived right above where he worked and his boss was more like a dad than an actual boss. Because of his lucky circumstance, he didn't really need to worry about things like buying food or clothes or anything else he could possibly need.

Kitagawa, on the other hand, probably did. Fortunately for him, even without Sojiro's note, Ren probably would have taken sympathy and given him the food for free. Before he had the chance to tell Kitagawa as much though, the boy's voice filled the cafe again.

"I must admit, you have me at a bit of a disadvantage here," Kitagawa spoke up.

When Ren turned, he couldn't help but smile a little at the way Kitagawa was sitting. He looked prim and proper, sitting on the stool with his legs crossed at the knee and his hands folded on the counter. Rather than comment, Ren tilted his head just slightly in question as he moved to start mixing Kitagawa's macchiato. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Kitagawa continued, "I've seen you here on a few occasions, but you were always busy or just passing through." He tucked the bangs he'd loosed when he ran his hand through his hair behind his ear. "You know my name, but I don't know yours."

"Oh." Ren chuckled as he passed the drink over the counter. "I'm Ren. Amamiya. And yeah, I can't help but think it's a little weird that we've never met, even though I've worked here on and off for five years now."

That seemed to take Kitagawa by surprise. "Five years? Yes, that is a little bit surprising," he agreed.

"Especially if you come here a couple times a week. I usually only get one day completely off," Ren explained as he chopped some vegetables to put in Kitagawa's curry.

Kitagawa nodded. "And you manage Leblanc now?"

Ren nodded.

"Does that mean Boss is taking more personal time? Futaba has been begging him to for years now, hasn't she?"

Kitagawa seemed to be craning his neck to get a better look at what Ren was cooking. It made sense. If he came here and Sojiro already had his favorite order memorized, then he was probably used to the way Sojiro cooked. Ren's was very similar, but came out different in the end. Some customers liked it better, but others preferred Sojiro's method, which was fine. Flavor and taste were subjective. Everyone had their own likes and dislikes. In the back of Ren's mind, he found himself wondering what Kitagawa would end up preferring. It wouldn't be too big a surprise if he ended up _hating_ Ren's curry. Disappointing, maybe, but not surprising.

Instead of focusing on that, Ren decided to answer Kitagawa's question. "She has. So have I. The decision was pretty recent," he explained as he scraped the vegetables into the pan. "He threw his back out when he was trying to take the beans from the supply truck, and we finally won him over."

"Not completely, it seems. He still works a decent bit, doesn't he?" Kitagawa asked.

Ren chuckled and nodded. "Yeah. He'll probably work until he's dead, though," he replied with a bitter smirk.

Laughing softly, Kitagawa nodded his head. "You seem to know him quite well," he pointed out, practically standing on the stool's footrest to get a glimpse of what Ren was doing. It honestly made Ren wish the kitchen wasn't hidden back in a corner, but he also completely understood why it was.

"I do," Ren answered as he plated the curry. "Both of them, actually. They've been like my family for a long time. Sojiro took me in when I was sixteen, and then again when I was eighteen. The second time, he even gave me a full-time job."

Kitagawa smiled, but then the smile faded into a slightly perplexed expression as he glanced into his coffee cup. "That makes it all the more surprising that we have yet to meet until today," he explained, before taking a small, testing sip from his cup. After deeming it too hot to drink at the moment, he continued. "If you've been here for five years, I've been coming here for two. Ever since Boss introduced me to Futaba and all of her friends."

All of her friends. Sojiro had introduced Kitagawa to Futaba and all of her friends, and somehow this was Ren's first time meeting him. A little bit weird, and a lot confusing. "All of her friends, huh?"

"Yes," Kitagawa answered.

It was silent as Ren considered the words. It made sense, he guessed. If Kitagawa had no idea how close Ren was to Futaba and all her other friends, he wouldn't exactly understand how weird it was. Most of Futaba's friends were Ren's friends, too. Ryuji, Ann, Makoto, Haru... they had all been close friends ever since high school. So, they all knew and were friends with Kitagawa and this was _still_ Ren's first time meeting him. It was a little bit weird, that was all. The silence continued as Ren approached the counter and placed Kitagawa's curry in front of him.

Only when Kitagawa spoke again did Ren realize how long he'd been quiet. "Did I say something peculiar?" he asked. "I've been told I have something of a penchant for that."

"No," Ren reassured Kitagawa as he shook his head. "Well, maybe, but... it's not what _you_ said that's weird, it's just the situation, I guess. It's just that... I'm friends with most of Futaba's friends, too. She's just like a little sister to me. So... yeah. Now it's about ten times weirder that this is the first time we're meeting."

Kitagawa looked quietly down at his plate as he pondered Ren's words. "Oh. I see. Well, perhaps claiming my relationship to them as friendship was a bit of an overstatement, then?" he commented, seeming a bit disheartened. "Acquaintances may be closer to the truth."

Oh. That was why he looked so down. Ren frowned. He hadn't meant it like that. "No, no. I didn't mean to say you weren't really friends with them," he insisted. "I'm sure you are. Sometimes people don't meet, even if they have all the same friends, right?" As weird as it really was, sometimes it happened. Sometimes people with even more parallels didn't meet for their entire lives.

"And if one comes to the coffee shop the other works at, at least once a week for two years," Kitagawa added.

They both laughed.

Ren shook his head. "It's a little ridiculous, isn't it?" he asked as he cleaned the mess he'd just made.

"Indeed," Kitagawa agreed.

Silence fell over them again; the only sounds filling the cafe were the radio, on Ren's favorite American pop music station, and the scrapes of Kitagawa's fork on his plate as he eagerly ate the curry Ren had presented him with. Ren couldn't help but be a little bit pleased. Either he really was that hungry, or he genuinely liked Ren's cooking. Ren would have believed either, but he genuinely hoped it was the former, for more reasons than one. After he finished cleaning, he stretched his arms over his head and leaned his hip against the counter. He could have let the silence linger, but he couldn't deny a little intrigue in regard to Kitagawa. If he was friends with all of Ren's friends, then maybe...

 _Don't get too far ahead of yourself, Ren. Just because you have the same friends doesn't mean he wants to be friends._ So, Ren would start with a little more small talk.

"So, anyway," Ren opened conversation back up again. "You said you know Sojiro?"

Kitagawa nodded. "I do. Boss is a kind soul, and someone who has always been there for me when I needed him."

With a bittersweet smile, Ren likened that to his own situation. No matter what Ren was going through, Sojiro was there for him even more than his own parents had been. "He's just that kind of guy," he agreed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Nodding, Kitagawa added, "The world could use more like him," before going back to his curry. It was almost gone already.

Ren nodded his agreement without hesitation, but then picked the conversation back up. "So, even Sojiro knows us both. All the weirder we haven't met yet, huh?" he asked. Maybe he was a little too hung up on that.

"Indeed, but I'm more inclined to forgive Sojiro than I am our scoundrel friends," Kitagawa countered with a wry smirk as he scooped up the last bit of his curry.

Laughing genuinely, Ren gave Kitagawa a conspiratory look. "Oh, don't worry. I'll give them hell for it later," he promised, a conspiratorial grin crossing his face.

At that moment, a strange feeling overcame Ren. It really was strange, but it was familiar, like digging up old memories from a lifetime ago. Maybe it was impossible or insane or something, but Ren felt like maybe he was flirting. It was a crazy thought. A really crazy thought, because it had been a pretty long time since he'd _actively_ flirted with someone. The last person he remembered flirting with was Goro, and that was several weeks before they broke up a year ago. Then again, maybe this wasn't flirting. Maybe this was just a normal conversation. It wasn't like there was any real _reason_ to think they were flirting, it was just... something he wondered.

If he _was_ flirting, it seemed like Kitagawa didn't even notice. Ren cleared his throat and focused his attention on straightening up the coffee bean shelf.

"That was a positively decadent meal, Amamiya-san," Kitagawa told him as he took a long sip from his coffee cup. "Of course, Boss is an excellent cook as well, but there was something about this particular meal that felt different. Like it had the base of Boss' cooking, but it had a twist put to it."

Ren couldn't help but smile. "A good twist, I hope."

Kitagawa nodded. "Oh, no question. The curry was spicy, but not too spicy. Like standing just within the comfort range of a roaring flame and having it warm you to your very core," he explained, raising his chin as he spoke with a little more confidence in his voice. "And the honey provided it with just the right hint of sweetness. Boss' is similar in that regard, he just tends to shy away from the spice a little bit more. As for the macchiato, I can sense the care that went into it. The steamed milk had a little bit of sugar in it, which is a touch Boss doesn't put into things. It's not better or worse, just different. I rather enjoyed it."

To say that Ren wasn't expecting that kind of response to anything he cooked would be a pretty drastic understatement. He couldn't help but smile bashfully as he took Kitagawa's plate and brought it over to the sink to wash later. "Well, I'm glad you liked it. I was a little worried," he admitted.

"Worried?" Kitagawa questioned. "Why?"

Ren shrugged. "Oh. I just... lots of the regular customers compare my cooking style to Sojiro's. I get it. I really do. They're used to things a certain way. It's just a common thing for people to like... try and give me tips to make it more like Sojiro's," he explained.

Humming in thought for a second, Kitagawa shrugged his head to the side. "People, in general, have a natural aversion to change, I think," he pointed out. "So much so that when change is thrust their way, they resist it with every fiber of their being. Even if it means trying to make a new, rather talented, manager adhere to every single recipe and rule the last manager had in place." He sipped his coffee when he finished speaking.

"I guess that's true," Ren agreed. "Maybe they'll get used to it eventually."

Kitagawa nodded. "I suspect they will. If this is any indication of the normal quality of your cooking, I suspect people will be clamoring for _your_ curry in no time," he offered as he finished the last of his coffee and slid the cup across the counter.

Smiling bashfully as he picked up Kitagawa's coffee cup, Ren met Kitagawa's eye for a moment. "I appreciate it. It's not like I had a crisis of confidence or anything, or that I'm worried Sojiro's gonna fire me over a couple recipe changes either, I just... y'know, hearing that someone likes my food makes me feel a little bit better. Especially when that someone's not biased toward me."

As Kitagawa adjusted his position in his seat, he nodded. "I'm an artist. I understand the need for an unbiased eye every now and again."

"You're an artist?" Ren asked.

Kitagawa nodded. "Well, an art student, but yes. I'm presently in my third year of four at the Tokyo Institute of the Arts," he explained.

Tokyo Institute of the Arts. Ren tried to ignore the brief flash of bitterness that cropped up anytime someone mentioned going to his dream school. Kitagawa hadn't earned any sort of bitterness, considering he'd been nothing but kind, but it was a difficult reflex for Ren to ignore.

All the same, Ren pushed it down and met the explanation with a smile. "Pretty prestigious school."

This time, it was Yusuke's turn to look down at the counter like he was trying to suppress his own flood of complicated feelings. Just as Ren had, he managed to push them down and lifted his head to meet Ren's eye with a slightly more forced smile than before. "It is. I was quite lucky to get in," he admitted sadly.

Another awkward silence blanketed the room, and Ren couldn't help but wonder exactly what had happened. He knew why _he_ was upset, hearing about TIA, but he didn't quite understand why Kitagawa was so upset. He'd obviously already been selected and was attending the college, so why was he so disheartened hearing about it? Ren was curious, but he knew it wasn't his place to ask, so he simply let the awkward silence stifle what had, until that point, been a really pleasant conversation. It was really a shame because Kitagawa was probably going to leave now, and if this was the note he ended up leaving on...

Like he was trying to prove Ren's point, Kitagawa stood and reached into his pocket, procuring his wallet and opening it.

"Hey, don't worry about that." Ren reached across the counter and placed his hand on Kitagawa's forearm. "Sojiro wouldn't have made the offer in the first place if you weren't a good person, so if you want to keep coming back? I'm fine with making you food and coffee every week like this."

Kitagawa looked at Ren like he had two heads for a second, seeming to turn the offer over in his head a few times. He raked his teeth over his lip, and in a shy and slightly embarrassed tone—which seemed strange compared to his tone when he'd critiqued Ren's food—he asked, "Are you sure?"

Ren nodded.

"I swear to you, someday, I shall repay each and every kindness you've both shown me," Kitagawa spoke, a slight rumble of passion coming back to his tone.

With a little grin, Ren let his hand fall from Kitagawa's forearm and come to rest at his side again. "Don't worry about that," he insisted. "Just coming back and talking is repayment enough for me, I think. The dead hour went by way faster with you around."

It was quiet for a few seconds, and Kitagawa smiled at him. He seemed very kind, although, from Ren's first impression, it seemed like he was struggling with something. What place did Ren really have to question that, though? He was struggling through some internal battles of his own. From this all-too-brief conversation, it seemed like Kitagawa was good company. They'd been talking for almost an hour now, and it hadn't seemed even remotely that long. Ren could only hope they'd continue to talk like this whenever he came back.

"I believe that is one request I can more than willingly adhere to," Kitagawa offered gently in reply.

Ren's smile grew wider as he leaned against the counter again. "Good."

After glancing toward the clock on his cell phone, Kitagawa sighed softly and turned to look at Ren again. "It really has been a pleasure, Amamiya-san, and I truly wish I could stay and chat longer, but I'm afraid I have prior engagements tonight. If I come back tomorrow at the same time, can I trust you will be here working?"

It was the most formal 'see you tomorrow' Ren had ever heard, and he had to take just a second to chuckle at it. "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow," he replied.

They said their final goodbyes, and as Kitagawa left Leblanc, Ren found his mind unable to shake the blue-haired boy's image. Maybe he was a little odd and a little dramatic, but that oddness and that drama... they were actually pretty charming. Maybe, if Kitagawa kept coming in every week like this... maybe _they_ could become friends in the same way Kitagawa was _apparently_ already friends with all of Ren's friends. Maybe Sojiro would be willing to trade Thursday with one of Ren's other work days. Actually, Ren was _sure_ he'd be willing to. As he often did when he was feeling good, Ren found himself subconsciously dancing to the beat of the music playing through the Leblanc speakers.

Sometimes, he wished he could go to college like his friends. Other days, though—days like this, in particular—he didn't mind his life so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, P5 Fandom. First time Shukita writer, long time Shukita shipper here. XP
> 
> Thanks so much to Pam for being a superhero and betaing for me and encouraging me every step of the way, and to all the cool folks in the Shukita discord for helping me sort out a couple headcanons! ♥
> 
> Okay, so... a couple notes for this fic!
> 
> Part of this was inspired by how _amazing_ a dancer our Renren is in P5D, I'll be honest. I can't watch that boy dance and think for a second that he doesn't want to dance professionally somehow. Imagine him practicing his sweet moves in front of a mirror? So adorable!
> 
> As it says in the tags, most of the characters have the same backstories, just slightly modified. There's no Metaverse, no Personas or anything here, but the kids still befriended each other and stuck together through school. Ren still clashed with Shido, but with no way to change his heart, Ren's record has followed him through high school and beyond.
> 
> I _know_ it's super hard to believe Ren and Yusuke would have never met until this point, but... it's possible, right? Especially if they're both going through emotional funks!
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the journey with me!


	2. I've Got This Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i've got this friend, i don't think you know him;_  
>  _he's not much for words, he's hidden his heart away._  
>  _oh, i've got this friend, a loveless romantic._  
>  _all that he really wants is someone to want him back..._  
> [i've got this friend](https://open.spotify.com/track/2YzXf2r5NoAnECWO6ByZb5?si=2S98N7VmSKW6v6X1eBAZPA) ;; the civil wars  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HORhWtXuOT4) ]

Ren's good mood lasted throughout the rest of the day. During the slow moments, he found himself dancing around to whatever music came on the radio. When there were people inside Leblanc, he was far more conversational than usual, and he ended the day with three times the usual tips. A pair of old ladies from Osaka came in and chatted with him for almost an hour about whatever came to their minds. They asked questions about Yongen-Jaya and Leblanc, about Ren's music choice, about everything. One of them left wishing that Ren lived closer to Osaka, so she could introduce him to her granddaughter. Evidently, she was sure he'd fall in love with her and even more sure she'd fall even faster with him.

_"A handsome, charming, polite young man like you? She'd be a fool not to love you!"_

It was flattering, of course, and he knew she had the best possible intentions when she said it, but he wasn't interested. Of course, there was no easy way to tell her that his lack of interest stemmed from a lack of interest in women. That would be too awkward, so instead, he politely turned her down and thanked her for the flattery. Even with the awkwardness they brought, the kind words only solidified Ren's good mood, and he spent the rest of the evening with an extra spring in his step. 

Sojiro had come in about fifteen minutes ago, and as he started preparing for closing in about two hours, he kept making playful comments like: "Careful, kid. If you smile much more people are gonna think you're actually happy."

Ren was a little bit frustrated by his friends and family's insistence that he wasn't happy. Sure, maybe he _wasn't_ perfectly content with the way his life was. Even so, he spent his time trying to make the best of what he had. Even if he wasn't happy, it wasn't like he was miserable, either. His life was fine. It was better than it probably should have been, given his history. Every time Sojiro made his teasing comments, Ren shot back with a roll of the eyes and a dismissive wave of his hand, before going back to his book.

"You know, I'm back. You don't have to close now."

Sojiro's words snapped Ren's attention away from the book, and he shrugged one shoulder. "I don't mind. I don't have much else to do tonight."

Sighing, Sojiro leaned on his hands against the counter and gave Ren a frustrated glare. "Not much else to do, he says. What about socializing with someone other than a customer, me, or your cat? Seeing a movie? Going on a date? One of us should at least be going on successful dates," he remarked in annoyance.

"I haven't been on a date in a while," Ren replied.

The look on Sojiro's face wrought of 'my point exactly,' but he didn't say it aloud. "Are you sure you're twenty-one? You're starting to sound like one of those old spinsters who say they're too old for dates," he finally said instead.

Ren rolled his eyes and looked back down at his book. "So? Maybe I am secretly an old spinster. Or maybe I'm not really up for dating right now," he answered sarcastically as he stared blankly at the words on the page. At the moment, they all just looked like black squiggling blurs. He wasn't really focusing on them; instead, his focus was on trying to make sure this conversation with Sojiro didn't have a chance to continue and have a chance to ruin his good day by getting him thinking about dating.

It looked like Sojiro got the point. At the very least, Sojiro realized that by going back to the book, Ren was saying he was done with the conversation. He didn't seem pleased with the development, though. He sighed and went back to the kitchen, stirring the pot of curry he was making for dinner. Between his commentary, the fact that his date was supposed to be a dinner date, and the fact that he'd said he wasn't going to be back until after closing... Ren was going to assume his date hadn't gone well. Suddenly, he felt a little bad.

How many times had he thought of setting Sojiro up with Kawakami? His old high school teacher had about as bad luck in romance as Sojiro did. Once in a while, she'd come in and complain over coffee about how her most recent dates didn't go well for one reason or another. So many times, he considered just inviting her over on a day he wasn't working just so she and Sojiro could at least have a conversation.

With a sigh, he went back to reading. He didn't get too far, though, before he heard a bit of a commotion sounding off outside the cafe. At least it probably would have _sounded_ like a commotion to a stranger. Ren knew better. To him, the commotion sounded like the one group of people who could make his already-good day even better. Some of them, anyway. The second he heard Futaba and Ryuji in some sort of shouting match, and Makoto trying to get them to quiet down, his head perked from his book.

"Looks like you got company comin', kid."

Ren chuckled. "I mean, one of 'em's Futaba. She could very well be here to see you," he pointed out as he closed his book.

The very second he finished speaking, the door to Leblanc burst open so quickly Ren almost thought it would come off its hinges. Futaba was the first of the three to storm into the cafe, and her eyes seemed to zero in on Ren. "Flower Child!" she declared, clasping her hands together in excitement and rushing across the room to give him a punch to the shoulder. "Long time no see!"

Sojiro leveled him with an 'I told you so' gaze, and Ren couldn't help but roll his eyes as he turned his attention to Futaba. "I literally just saw you this morn-"

Futaba cut Ren's answer with a shrug. "Don't care! My turn to talk now! We're here to kidnap you!"

"Excuse me?" Ren asked.

Makoto sighed and spoke up from behind Ryuji. "Actually, we're here to invite you to a party," she corrected. "Haru sent us."

Arching an eyebrow, Ren looked from Futaba, to Ryuji, and then to Makoto. "So... she sent three of you? Seems a little excessive," he pointed out with a wry half-smile.

"That's what I said," Makoto agreed with a shrug.

Ryuji smirked and stepped forward, throwing his arm around Ren's shoulders. His grip was probably a little bit tighter than necessary. It was almost like a headlock, but it wasn't _exactly_ a headlock, because Ren could have easily gotten out of it if he needed to. "I'm only here 'cause Haru said we ain't takin' no for an answer."

Nodding eagerly, Futaba added, "He's our muscle. I told Haru we didn't need Numbskull as muscle 'cause we had Makoto, but she kept saying how 'undignified' it would be if Makoto had to drag you across town. Way less if it's Ryuji doing it though. I'm _hoping_ we don't need him and you'll just come quietly." The words were spoken eagerly, but there was a tiny bit of playful threat behind them.

"Where is this party?" Ren asked.

"Haru's," Ryuji answered.

That made sense, Ren supposed. It was really strange, how much things had changed since they were all in high school together. Ren used to really like parties. Haru always threw elaborate ones, with the finest champagne and food in all of Japan. Sometimes she even had live entertainment there, which was always pretty cool. It had been a little while since she'd had one. Or maybe it hadn't. Maybe it had just been a little while since he'd _gone_ to one. Over the past few years, Haru's parties made him feel more and more uncomfortable. When some of the more 'social elite' guests started asking what he did for a living and he explained that he managed a coffee shop, they'd brush him aside and act like they wondered how he'd ever befriended Haru.

Since that started happening, Ren had a little difficulty with Haru's parties. Because of that, he was tempted to turn the invitation down. He didn't think his friends would actually _drag_ him to the party. He suspected Haru only sent more than one person with the hope that they could all work together to convince him to go. In the back of his mind, though, he realized that Haru wouldn't have done that unless she _really_ wanted Ren to go.

"If Sojiro doesn't mind," Ren finally answered, before ducking out from under Ryuji's arm. "I guess I can make an appearance. I probably won't stay too long, though. Gotta open tomorrow morning."

Sojiro cut that escape route off, though. "Don't sweat it, kid. I'll open tomorrow morning. Stay late and have fun," he offered, though it sounded like less of an offer and more of a demand.

As much as Ren wanted to sigh, he kept it inside as he met Sojiro's gaze with a half-glare. Just like that, without any real warning, it looked like Ren was doing exactly what Sojiro wanted him to do and going out to socialize. Suddenly, Ren had a sneaking suspicion that this was all planned. It almost felt like Sojiro tried to convince Ren to go out, then messaged the others when Ren had refused so they'd know to show up and beg him. They'd never do that, though. Sure, sometimes they got a little bit sneaky about things, but they never went so far as to actively conspire behind his back about anything.

"Guess that means I'm going to the party, then," Ren murmured.

Makoto smiled. "Good," she nodded once, as if there was no more discussion to be had. "I suppose that means we have to go to the costume shop on the way to Haru's then."

Ren's eyebrows rose almost to his hairline. "Costume shop?" he asked. What kind of party was this?

Nodding, Makoto continued. "Yes, costume shop. It's only semi-formal, but it's a masquerade, so we'll need to get you a mask. The rest of us already have ours, so that just leaves you," she told him with a smile.

Glancing down at his attire, Ren smoothed his hair back from his face. "Semi-formal. Guess that means I should change?" His work clothes were just a t-shirt and jeans. Not really semi-formal. For a second, he found himself wondering if he even had any clothes that _classified_ as semi-formal. He didn't really have any formal clothes, because he never really went anywhere that required them, but...

"Yeah, yeah!" Futaba commanded. "Go, go! If you don't hurry, we're gonna be late!"

Sighing in resignation, Ren turned and headed up the stairs to his apartment. As he walked, he heard Futaba turning to Sojiro and demanding curry while they waited. The very second Ren appeared at the top of the stairs, his cat Mona hopped down from his perch on Ren's bed and crossed the room to greet him by weaving in a figure-eight through his legs. He managed a soft chuckle as he leaned down to scratch behind the cat's ears. He would have to remind Sojiro to feed the cat before he went home that night. After Mona got his attention, he walked off and jumped onto a box in Ren's storage area. Before Ren even registered where he'd gone, he'd curled up in a ball and fallen asleep.

With a laugh, Ren shook his head and got into the small dresser he'd recently bought from the second-hand shop down the street. He didn't have a lot of clothing, but he had enough so the boxes he used to store his clothes in didn't give him the space he needed anymore.

"Semi-formal. What does semi-formal even mean?" Ren asked himself as he rifled through the top drawer. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had to dress semi-formal, but it had probably been years.

A red button-down under a plain black sweater fit the bill, didn't it? If not, he was sure everyone would tell him right away. Throw in a pair of black pants and his usual black boots, and he hoped he was good to go. He'd _have_ to be good to go, because he didn't have many other options. He made quick work of changing, keeping an eye on the stairs to make sure no one came up to hurry him and caught him in the middle of changing. The only ones who'd probably try something like that were Ryuji or Futaba, and he was reasonably sure Makoto or Sojiro would stop them... but with the way they were acting, he couldn't help but be concerned.

Luckily, he made it through changing without incident and took a second to glance at himself in the mirror. The collar of his red shirt just barely peeked out from under the sweater. That was a common style, wasn't it? Honestly, what Ren knew about fashion could fit into a thimble and still have room, but at least he knew the colors matched. Being dressed like this felt sort of strange, but maybe it wasn't so bad to pull those clothes out once in a while. Otherwise, they'd just gather dust. Smoothing a hand through his hair and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, he gathered his wallet, scratched Mona again, and then headed back down the stairs.

"Jeez, it's about time!" Futaba declared as she pushed her empty curry plate across the counter. "I was about to send Ryuji up to see if you'd climbed out the window and run for the hills."

Ren rolled his eyes. "I wasn't even ten minutes, Futaba."

Shrugging dramatically, Futaba gave Ren the once over. "Ten minutes, ten hours, when you're waiting it all feels the same. What d'you think, Makoto? Does he look semi-formal?" she asked, not even giving Ren the option to respond.

Luckily, Makoto nodded. "I don't think Haru would kick him out anyway, even if he didn't fit the 'semi-formal' bill," she pointed out.

"Oh well. He _has_ to look nice tonight," Futaba pointed out, and she gave Makoto a meaningful look. "None of that band-t-shirt-jeans stuff he usually wears."

Only then did Ren notice, they were making _him_ dress in semi-formal attire, but they were all wearing their normal clothes. Ryuji was wearing the very band-t-shirt-jeans style that Futaba had just decried. Futaba was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, and Makoto, who had the most semi-formal style of all of them, was just wearing her normal clothes. Ren arched an eyebrow and looked from Makoto, to Ryuji, to Futaba, and when he finally settled on Futaba, he asked, "Why is it that I have to dress semi-formal, when all of you are dressed the same as you usually are?"

Sojiro stifled a chuckle at that, before turning away from the conversation and murmuring quietly. "Let's see you dig your way out of this one, Futaba."

"W-w-well!" When Futaba started her explanation, she sounded almost like the nervous, stuttering, shut-in Ren had met five years ago. "Umm-"

Fortunately for Futaba, and more or less showing Ren that it was a lie, Ryuji spoke up. "Our shit's already at Haru's. I mean, obviously mine is, since I sleep there pretty much every night, but Futaba and Makoto didn't wanna walk across town in their fancy getups, y'know? Might get 'em dirty," he answered.

The explanation seemed to take all the tension from Futaba's expression, and behind the counter, Ren could see Sojiro with his hand over his mouth, barely stifling another amused chuckle. If Ren wasn't already fully aware none of it was true, Sojiro's reaction would have been more than enough to tell him. That left one big and glaring unanswered question, though. If he was supposed to dress semi-formal, and none of them were, where exactly were they going? Where were they planning to take him? He trusted his friends enough to know that they wouldn't flat-out embarrass him on purpose or take him anywhere truly dangerous, but he was still concerned.

"Well then," Makoto said, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over the room. "Shall we go?"

With a nod, Ren said a quick goodbye to Sojiro and asked him to feed Mona, then he left the cafe with his friends. On his way out the door, he typed a brief message to Kawakami, inviting her to Leblanc that evening for a cup of coffee. He didn't specify whether he'd be there or not, just hoped that she'd show up and hit it off with Sojiro. Maybe they could solve one another's dating problems.

Futaba led the charge through Yongen-Jaya, chatting with Ryuji about some new zombie video game they'd been playing together, and Ren thought to himself for a moment. He couldn't prevent a slight pool of anxiety from forming in his gut. He shook his head hard, trying to figure out a quick way to dispel it, when he remembered his conversation with Kitagawa earlier. He'd promised he'd give their friends hell about not introducing them, and with the two loudmouths distracted for the moment, it seemed like a pretty good opportunity.

Makoto was one of his more rational friends, anyway. Right then, she was trying to calm Ryuji and Futaba down, since they were talking pretty loudly and drawing stares from around the neighborhood. After a few attempts to get them to shut up, it seemed like she finally resigned herself to the fact that they probably wouldn't anytime soon. Only then did she turn to look at Ren.

"You're awfully quiet," Makoto pointed out, tucking some hair behind her ear.

Ren shrugged. "Just thinking," he explained.

Smiling calmly, Makoto placed a hand on Ren's shoulder. "You have nothing to worry about, you know? It'll be a fun party, I promise," she tried to reassure him.

Was it obvious, how worried he was? "I'm not worried," Ren tried to lie.

"Really? Because I can practically see the cloud of anxiety forming over your head," Makoto countered, pointing up at the air over Ren's head.

Ren sighed and made a face. "I'm not _worried_ , really. Just wondering why Futaba and Ryuji—who are the worst liars in the world—are trying so hard to come up with cover stories to get me to come to this party," he pointed out. "I trust you guys and everything, it's just... I don't like not knowing what the plan is, or thinking that you guys are hiding from me."

Realization seemed to dawn on Makoto then, and she shook her head vehemently. "What if _I_ tell you, then? I know I can lie more convincingly than those two, but I will promise you that you have nothing to worry about. It's just a normal party," she insisted.

Just a normal party. Just a normal party where he had to dress semi-formally and everyone else probably got to dress normally. That was the only thing that still had him wondering. While Ren's worries weren't exactly assuaged, he felt a little bit better about the situation now. Makoto may have been a better liar than Ryuji and Futaba were, but she didn't like to lie unless she absolutely had to. Since Ren had already agreed to go with them, there was no real need for her to lie. Because of that, he decided to take her word as truth.

With that settled for now, Ren took the chance to turn the topic toward his meeting with Kitagawa and ask them why he hadn't been introduced. "So. I met this guy yesterday."

Futaba's interest seemed piqued, and she whirled around, leaving her conversation with Ryuji in the middle and walking backward toward the train platform. "Ooh! A guy! Are you finally getting back into the game? It might've changed over the last year, you know..."

Ren couldn't help but grunt in annoyance as he cast Futaba a quick glare. "No. I just _met_ the guy, and that's not where I was going."

"You sure? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that's what you said with Asskechi in the beginning, too," Ryuji pointed out, his eyes narrowing when he mentioned Goro.

With a heaving sigh, Makoto leveled them both with a gaze that suggested they listen to Ren and let him finish his story. "So, you met this guy yesterday..." she repeated his opening to the story.

Before Ren could thank her, he had to tell the story. He shrugged a shoulder. "Kitagawa-san stopped by Leblanc yesterday, expecting to see Sojiro," he explained. "We were both pretty surprised by the fact that none of you guys had introduced us and you're apparently such good friends with us both." His tone was teasing, but there was a slight edge in there, revealing that he was, in fact, slightly annoyed.

Much to Ren's surprise, none of them jumped to defend themselves right away. In fact, they all went completely quiet, and Futaba froze in her walk down the stairs, almost falling backward as she whirled around to look at Makoto and Ryuji with shock plain on her face. Makoto and Ryuji both looked surprised, too, but Futaba's animated nature made it pretty obvious that he'd said or done something they hadn't expected. He watched them for a second, while the four of them stood blocking traffic on the subway stop stairs. Futaba seemed to be struggling the most, and Ryuji was looking to Makoto for guidance on how to handle the situation.

As usual, it seemed Makoto had her head on straight. "It wasn't for lack of effort, Ren," she pointed out.

Ryuji recovered next, urging Futaba to walk down the stairs behind him. "Seriously, dude. He's kinda a worse loner than you, so between the two of you, it ain't like it's easy to just throw you in a room together or something."

"We were always like 'weirdos of a feather flock together,' though. So, we kept trying, no matter how many times you came up with excuses not to come along when we invited you," Futaba finally said, her sarcasm completely returning now that her surprise had faded. "And boy did you ever come up with some super lame excuses!"

Makoto laughed at Futaba and nodded her head. "We thought you'd get along famously. Ann was especially gung-ho about it when we brought the idea up a few years back," she mused, an extra dash of fondness in her voice when she spoke of her girlfriend.

Snickering, Futaba added, "She would always get _so mad_ when we couldn't get in touch with you or Inari. Or even madder when we _did_ get in touch with both of you but one of you was doing your whole doom and gloom thing and not wanting to go out." She rolled her eyes and accentuated each and every word with some kind of excessive hand gesture.

"Futaba!" Makoto shouted.

As Makoto's voice drew a whole bunch of new unwanted attention from all around them, Futaba flinched and blushed a little bit. "Oopsie! Forget I said anything!"

Ryuji chuckled. "Shit, man. You'd think if anyone would understand, it'd be the former shut-in," he muttered.

Futaba made a face—a pretty exaggerated one, where she stuck her tongue out and shook her head dramatically—then admonished Ryuji with a glare. "There's no way I was as bad as Inari. I wasn't as bad as Inari, was I, Makoto?" she asked.

Rather than answer, Makoto simply leveled Futaba with a glare and crossed her arms at her chest. Futaba lifted her hands in resignation, then smirked wryly to herself as she looked down at the floor. That reaction, more than anything else, led Ren to believe her slips were anything but accidental. In the back of Ren's mind, there was a question as to why Futaba was so content to pick on Kitagawa—and why she decided to call him Inari, at that—but he didn't ask. Something told him, as curious as he was, he didn't really want to know. Futaba's mind was probably a scary place.

They got on the train, and Futaba and Ryuji immediately went back to talking about their game. Makoto was texting with Ann, and she was very focused on it, which left Ren to his own thoughts... and oh, did he have a lot to think about. He thought back to his encounter with Kitagawa earlier. He was pretty unique. Everything about him seemed... different. His speech pattern was very elaborate and deliberate, very flowery and dramatic. Usually, when people talked like that, Ren got kind of bored. Maybe it had more to do with the types of people who usually talked like that, than the actual words themselves, because from Kitagawa, it was actually kind of charming.

Ren shook his head hard, dispelling the thought before it had any more chance to take hold. Kitagawa was a stranger. Maybe not a stranger to Ren's friends but a stranger to Ren. It wasn't like Ren to get so hung up on a stranger.

As the train came to a stop in Akihabara, Makoto finally put her phone back into her purse. Ryuji and Futaba were arguing over which playable character was better in their game, and Ren couldn't believe they were _still_ talking about it somehow. It seemed like Futaba was in the middle of a long and winding speech about why the small female character was so much better than the big and burly men, and Ren couldn't help but grin at the 'help me' look on Ryuji's face. He shrugged it off, because Ryuji knew what arguing with Futaba about games would end with, and followed behind Makoto as she led the charge to a costume store she'd found with Ann.

"Why is this a masquerade, anyway?" Ren asked. "Seems kinda old fashioned."

It seemed like Ryuji was desperate to get out of his (very one-sided) debate with Futaba, so he jumped at the chance to answer Ren's question. "It's Haru, dude. She effin' loves the old-fashioned shit," he pointed out. "She wanted to make it a real masquerade, where we all had to go in totally formal clothes and act all prim and proper, but then she realized that most of our friends don't have any really fancy clothes."

Futaba made a face. "I would've worn a suit. There's about a negative five thousand percent chance you're gonna get me into a ball gown," she insisted.

"I think I would've liked wearing a ball gown, and I _know_ Ann would've loved it. Maybe we can revisit that one later," Makoto murmured to herself.

The costume shop was a little bit much, Ren thought. He was only here for a mask. Couldn't he have gotten a simpler mask at a department store? Futaba seemed instantly enamored with a line of mascot costumes, and it took all Makoto had within her to stop Futaba from changing her mask to a massive Pikachu head.

A line of simple masks caught Ren's attention, and he picked one up. It was a simple, classic, masquerade mask; mostly white with black lining the eyes. Ren wasn't sure why he was so drawn to it, but something about it grabbed his attention and wouldn't let go. He picked it up and looked it over. It was light, and it probably wouldn't be too uncomfortable. He pulled his glasses off and hung them on his shirt collar, then held the mask up to his face as he glanced in a nearby mirror. The slight blur in his vision made it hard to see, and he had to step a little closer, but when he did, a small smile crept across his face. Ren wasn't exactly sure what it was, but something about his face in that mask... looked right.

Bits of his hair hung over the edge of the mask and obscured parts of his eyes from view, and with the smirk on his face, he almost looked like some kind of trickster. Someone like Ren, a trickster? He huffed a short note of laughter to himself. Yeah right; maybe in another lifetime. All the same, the mask made him look pretty cool. He lowered it and looked it over. Okay, maybe he understood what was so appealing about a masquerade now.

"Really, that one?" Ryuji's voice pulled Ren out of his reverie. "You can pick any mask in the store and you choose a simple black and white one?"

Futaba snorted a laugh. "Not everyone needs to choose a punk rock metal skull mask like you, Ryuji," she teased.

Makoto pursed her lips at Ryuji. "We drag him out of his workplace to a costume store, and then you make fun of his mask choice," she huffed, then turned her attention to Ren. "I like the mask. It's simple. Not so flashy as to take attention from your conversation skills, but enough so it's obviously not something you'd normally wear."

Snorting a laugh, Ren looked between each of his friends. "I didn't I came here to have my choice of mask judged, Ryuji," he joked as he slid his glasses back onto his face.

"Sorry, sorry! You picked your mask, so let's get outta here before Futaba buys the whole damn store," Ryuji grumbled, stuffing his hands into his pockets and pointing over his shoulder at Futaba.

Though she'd just been with them moments ago, it seemed as though a rack of video game costumes had drawn her attention like a magnet. Ren couldn't help but laugh as he heard varying "ooh" and "ah" sounds with each different costume Futaba saw. He turned to Makoto and Ryuji. "You guys go get her," he told them. "I'll pay and we can meet outside."

Makoto and Ryuji both nodded.

Before she walked away, though, Makoto reached out and tugged on Ren's shoulder. "As long as you promise you won't run for the train and go back to Yongen," she insisted. Maybe she was teasing, but she definitely didn't look like it. Her brows were furrowed and she was making the type of face she usually made when she was going to kick someone's ass.

Ren sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to go back to Yongen, Makoto. I promise."

"Good." Her face eased back into a smile as she let go of Ren's shoulder. "Ann's really looking forward to you being there." With that, she rushed over to stop Futaba (and Ryuji, who seemed to be just as distracted as Futaba was by the video game costumes now).

Ann was looking forward to him being there. That was a little weird. It was Haru's party, wasn't it? So, why was Ann looking forward to him being there? If Ren wasn't already suspicious of some master plan unfolding behind his back, that would have done it. It was too late to turn back now, though. As he headed for the counter, masquerade mask in hand, he tried to shake the overwhelming feeling of anxiety tightening in his gut. It was just a party, right? He'd been to dozens of Haru's parties before, so he had no reason to be nervous. Everything would be absolutely fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what they could _possibly_ have planned!
> 
> Thanks again to Pam for betaing!


	3. Another Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _so i hope you know, there's more of me than i show,_  
>  _but i just need another beginning._  
>  _i need you to know i'll get there..._  
>  _i just started slowly, now nothing can hold me._  
> [another beginning](https://open.spotify.com/track/3j8fBhPNxHEvw9tpmLN8pw?si=FKy8KM7lQFennyJKZXfvVg) ;; joshua radin  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUa8HTbSXqk) ]

Even for one of Haru's parties, this felt like a pretty large crowd. Haru was a pretty well-known name in Tokyo, given her father's background, so when she threw a party, it was always pretty busy, but it seemed like there were more people than usual here. The house wasn't packed, but there was much less open space than usual in the foyer. Ren couldn't help but feel a little bit awkward, to be honest. He'd met most of these people before, at Haru's other parties, but he hadn't been expecting quite so many of them here, and with no real occasion. Or maybe there was an occasion and Haru just hadn't said anything about it.

In the end, it didn't matter, he guessed. For the most part, the people who usually asked Ren uncomfortable questions about his job and how he knew Haru were leaving him alone, and that was the important part. It allowed him to enjoy the party a little bit more than he usually would've.

No matter how many times Ren came to Haru's house, he never got tired of how amazing it looked. Classy decorations and expensive-looking art as far as the eye could see. In the chaos, as Ann and Makoto talked next to him, Ren couldn't prevent his mind from rushing back to Leblanc earlier that night. Kitagawa had mentioned being an artist. If he was an artist, and he was friends with Haru, were any of these pieces his work? No matter whose work they _were_ , they were all pretty impressive. He stood next to the refreshment table and sipped his champagne, and cast his eyes across the rest of the party.

Haru went all out, like she usually did. Truth be told, Ren still wasn't sure how she did it every time. The whole foyer of her mansion was strung with white icicle lights and there was a small raised platform in the middle of the room where a live band played. To say Ren didn't expect the type of live entertainment they had that night would have definitely been an understatement. Usually, Haru had some kind of classical string quartet or pianist when she had parties like this, but clearly, her relationship with Ryuji was having more influence on her than she realized. There, on the raised platform in the center of the foyer, was a fully equipped punk band.

At first, Ren thought he was imagining things, but when four loudly-dressed guys and a front-woman with a mohawk stepped up on stage and started playing loud, grungy punk music, he did a double take. He looked across the room at Haru and Ryuji, and couldn't resist a small chuckle when Ryuji slid his arm tightly around Haru's waist and pulled her close to press a kiss into her curls.

Several of the more 'social elite' guests looked at the band with furrowed brows and disapproval on their faces, but it didn't seem to faze Haru in the slightest. She was as pleased as could be with the music, beaming and bobbing her head back and forth, completely unaware that she looked the least punk possible that way. It was a relief to see her so happy. Ryuji had done wonders in helping her come out of her shell and always encouraging her to open her flower shop. He'd also done a lot to help her repair the damage her father had done to her family name before he died, and now "Okumura" wasn't something she was ashamed of anymore. Even with all that in his mind, the sight before Ren's eyes was a little hard to believe.

Mere moments ago, Ren had happened across Makoto and Ann at the refreshment table. Ren was endlessly amused by their masquerade masks. Each one fit each woman's personality perfectly. Ann's was a simple red panther mask, which covered from the tip of her nose and up to her hairline. Makoto's was simultaneously more simple, and more complicated. It had no real decoration or color; instead, it was was like a simple metal shield for her eyes and nose, which made Ren wonder how she could breathe in there. She seemed perfectly fine, though, and before long, they fell into easy conversation.

"A punk band," Ren spoke the words in a deadpan tone, looking from Ann to Makoto incredulously. "Haru hired a punk band?"

Ann nodded, but dismissed Ren's surprise with a wave of her hand. "Yeah, of course she did. She and Ryuji are in the middle of this major punk and grunge rock kick. You missed the cutest thing earlier! She was in a long flannel shirt and singing about bringing down the establishment while we were hanging the lights up. But enough about that. Let's get down to the important part," she commanded. "You finally met Yusuke?"

Sighing in exasperation, Ren pushed his hair back from his eyes and tried to show Ann exactly how annoyed he was, but with the mask on it kind of lost its gravitas. "Yes, I met Kitagawa-san," he answered.

"Kitagawa-san," Ann made a face as she decried the formality. "Just call him Yusuke."

Ren shook his head. "Yeah, I don't think that's appropriate, Ann. I barely know him. I just _met_ him today," he insisted. "Why couldn't you have told me about him before, anyway?"

Immediately, Ann's expression warped and it looked like someone had slapped her. A beat passed, and then she put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at Ren. "I _tried_ to get you guys together! _I tried so many times_!" The more she spoke, the louder her voice got, and she was drawing attention from a couple of nearby guests.

"Ann," Ren tried to calm her.

However, Ann was not to be calmed. "No. I'm serious! I really did try! Like, more times than I can even count, probably! Why do you _think_ I wanted to go camping last summer? Do I _seem_ like the type to just... wake up one morning and be like 'hey, let's go camping?'" Her tone dripped with incredulity as she pointed one of her fingers in Ren's face.

Ren shrugged. "I guess not, but Makoto..." He trailed off and glanced over at Makoto, desperately seeking some kind of assistance.

It seemed assistance wasn't going to come from Makoto in any way, though. Shaking her head, Makoto shrugged her shoulders. "Not me. I'm not a very big camping person, Ren. I don't like the dark all around and telling ghost stories by the campfire would more or less guarantee I wouldn't get any sleep that night," she answered.

"Well, Ryuji-"

Ann heaved an exasperated sigh. "Loves it, yeah. Of course he does, but it wasn't for him. It was so we could _finally_ introduce you two clueless morons." She pointed at Ren again and rolled her eyes. "But you _both_ bailed on us. Yusuke went all tragic and dramatic about some kind of art block that 'threatened the very nature of his existence' or something like that, and you 'had to work,' even though when I asked Boss he totally told me he'd give you the whole week off if we wanted to stay there for a week. He said he _wanted_ you to take a vacation, Ren." At the end of her tirade, she huffed an annoyed breath and poked Ren in the shoulder.

All Ren could do was blink. "Oh," he answered lamely.

"Yeah!" Ann snapped back. "So, don't feed me some lame line about how I never _tried_ to introduce you two. 'Cause I really did. A whole bunch of times."

Stricken with a pang of guilt, Ren simply went quiet, and looked down at the floor, embarrassed. It made sense, he guessed. As years went on, he had started bailing on plans with his friends more and more, because he wanted to make it easier on himself when they inevitably left him behind. Now wasn't the time for those kinds of thoughts, though. As he lifted his head and focused on Ann, he couldn't help but notice that something in her facial expression had changed. It had brightened considerably, and she was looking at Ren like she knew something he didn't. All defeat and annoyance had faded from her posture, and she now was staring at him, wide-eyed.

Ren simply blinked. "What?" he asked.

Before he could even register any movement on Ann's part, she'd closed the short distance between them, grabbed Ren's shoulder, and shook it. "Why are you asking me anyway? Is it 'cause you wanna know more about him?"

"What?" Ren repeated, only this time in a voice laden with confusion.

Ann was relentless, though. Once she set her mind to something there was nothing in the world that could stop her. Even Makoto seemed to realize this as she'd simply took a half-step back and seemingly decided to watch the whole situation unfold. Ann shook Ren's shoulder again, then pulled in a short gasp. "Is it because you think he's cute?"

The question seemed so out of the blue, that Ren had difficulty coming up with an answer right away. Instead, all he could do was repeat, "What?" for a third time.

"No, seriously!" Ann insisted. "If you think he's cute, I can hook you two up! You'd be a super cute couple! I've thought so for a really long time-"

Ren made a face. "Ann. I've only met him once," he pointed out. At least he'd finally found his vocabulary.

Shrugging, Ann waved that explanation off. "You can still think he's cute, Ren!"

It sounded like she wasn't going to stop any time soon, so Ren looked over her shoulder at Makoto for help. Makoto didn't look too bothered by the whole situation, though. In fact, she was smiling as she watched Ann give Ren the third degree. Maybe Ren shouldn't have been _too_ surprised. Makoto always seemed to support Ann, no matter what she was trying to do, but grilling Ren about his opinion on a brand new acquaintance? Anyone could see how awkward that was… and it seemed like Makoto either finally got the hint, or finally decided to act on a hint she'd gotten a while ago.

"Ann," Makoto's voice was gentle. "Calm down. They've met now, and with any luck, Yusuke will be here. He promised Haru, after all."

Ren blinked. So, the prior engagement Kitagawa mentioned having when he'd left Leblanc... was this party? In spite of himself, Ren couldn't help but laugh a single note. Whether he liked it or not, he'd be seeing Kitagawa again. Was _that_ why his friends were so adamant on him wearing semi-formal attire? What did they think was going to happen?

Sighing, Ann nodded. "I know, I just wanted to see if I could get some dirt to bring back to Yusuke. You know, get the ball rolling?" she asked.

"I know," Makoto answered fondly. "But sometimes you have to let nature take its course."

Ann grumbled nonsense words to herself for a couple seconds, before pouting and murmuring, "I hate nature. It's too slow," and resting her head on Makoto's shoulder.

Laughing, Makoto wrapped her arm around Ann's shoulders. After flashing Ren a look that suggested he should be pretty grateful for her interference, she turned her attention back to Ann, who was smiling now even though her head was still resting on Makoto's shoulder. Makoto nudged Ann's head up, and asked, "Why don't we go show these idiots what dancing is _really_ all about?"

Ren gave Makoto a meaningful look, and rolled his eyes. "Even I don't know how to dance to punk music, Makoto."

"It's simple," Ann grinned. "You just stand there, bang your head, and then flail your arms. If you find yourself looking the stupidest you could possibly look? You're doing it right!"

Without another word, the pair of them wandered over to stand in front of the stage and dance exactly as Ann had described. A few people watched them in dismay, which almost made Makoto give up and stop, but when Ann grabbed her hand and encouraged her to continue, the pair of them went right back to their ridiculous dance. Ren laughed softly as he gathered a second glass of champagne from the refreshment table. He was glad the pair of them had each other. Just like Haru and Ryuji were a good balance of refined and rough, Ann and Makoto were the perfect balance of relaxed and tense. Makoto knew how to rein Ann in, and Ann knew how to ease Makoto out of her box.

Even if that did end with the pair of them looking a little bit ridiculous, dancing to punk music in the middle of Haru's foyer.

Much to Ren's surprise, at Haru's urging, she and Ryuji joined in the wild dance display moments later. It earned raucous cheers from Futaba and the group of gamers she was talking to across the room. Suddenly, as he watched Futaba turn back to her friend Mishima and carry on their conversation, Ren was acutely aware of exactly how alone he was. Everyone was talking to someone, or dancing with someone. Of _course_ he was happy that they were all in good places, but a part of him was concerned... and jealous. It felt like all of his worst fears were being proven true. They'd all grown past the point when they needed him now, and any more interference would just end with him anchoring them down...

_"That assault is like an anchor. Anyone with you will be pulled underwater along with you."_

Every time he went on a self-doubt spiral like this, he always thought about the day Goro left him. He couldn't help but think of it again, as he watched his friends out there, dancing and talking and having fun. No. No, he refused to allow his doubt to take root any further than it had already. Physically shaking the doubt off, Ren turned his attention back to the refreshment table. Focusing on food would help him _not_ focus on lingering doubts making him feel like an idiot... or the fact that all his friends seemed to have been trying for years to get him to meet Kitagawa, but those doubts had held him back… anchored him. 

As though summoned by his thoughts, when Ren lifted his head and looked down the refreshment table, he was met with a familiar-looking head of dark blue hair, in that same loose and messy ponytail. Kitagawa was here. On his face, he wore a white and red kitsune mask, but Ren could clearly make out those same dazzling gray eyes, even from this distance and even with just a profile to look at. Makoto had mentioned how Kitagawa had told Haru he'd be there, but Ren couldn't help but feel a little surprised at the fact that circumstance had put them in the very same place twice in the same day.

A part of him wondered if the others had anything to do with that, especially given how readily Makoto gave that information. Not to mention the fact that it would fully explain Futaba's weird behavior when he mentioned running into Kitagawa earlier. She'd almost fallen down the stairs. If that meeting had completely derailed their plans to introduce Ren to Kitagawa tonight, well... that would make sense. Plus, it fell right in line with Ann's insistence that they'd tried to introduce the two of them so many times.

For a few seconds, Ren wrestled with himself. Maybe he shouldn't have been so tentative about just starting up a conversation, especially considering Kitagawa had mentioned a plan to come back to Leblanc the next day, so it wasn't like he never planned to see the guy again. Regardless, it was hard not to feel a little bit awkward as he watched Kitagawa gathering a generous portion of fried shrimp. A _very_ generous portion, at that. Ren had seen him breeze through a pretty big plate of curry in almost no time earlier that day, so maybe he shouldn't have been so surprised, but seeing that amount of food and taking into consideration how thin Kitagawa was? It was surprising. In a strange way, it cut the tension Ren was feeling and bolstered him just slightly.

Before Ren could stop himself, he'd closed the short distance between them and leaned in close enough for Kitagawa to hear him. "Who knew 'prior engagements' would end us up in the same place again?"

Kitagawa jumped at first, then turned in Ren's direction. The surprise faded from his face, and his lips eased into a small smile when it seemed as though realization sank in. The sparkle of his eyes seemed to double, and Ren couldn't help but feel a little surprised that _Kitagawa_ was happy to see _him_.

Ren lifted his hand and waved casually.

"Ah! Another friendly face within the sea of strangers," Kitagawa greeted him with a nod, clearly unwilling to take his hand from his shrimp plate to wave. "Greetings, Amamiya-san."

With a shy smile, Ren waved in return. "Ren is fine. If you want."

Another nod, this time one of acknowledgment, Ren assumed, and Kitagawa responded, "Well then, I must insist you call me Yusuke."

Ren nodded once. "All right, Yusuke." 

For a second, Ren just smiled to himself after he spoke Yusuke's name. It felt kind of strange—the pleasant kind of strange—coming from his lips, like it was something he wasn't necessarily supposed to say yet. Proper manners dictated that he was right, of course, but he'd been given permission. Plus, since when had Ren ever really cared about proper manners?

They shared a quiet smile, and Yusuke turned to look around the room. "This party is quite lively," he mused, his voice so quiet Ren could barely hear him over the music.

"And noisy. This band is a lot louder than Haru's usual music," Ren admitted with a laugh, turning his attention back to where their friends still danced wildly in front of the small stage.

Yusuke nodded and turned to look at the band. "Ryuji's influence, I've no doubt," he declared through a mouthful of shrimp. After swallowing, he continued. "While, admittedly, the music isn't exactly what one would expect from one as affluent as Haru, I can't say I mind it. Much like other types of art, I am of the belief that music is subjective to both the creator and the listener. The writer could have one outlook on what it's supposed to mean, but any given listener could think three different things upon hearing it." As soon as he finished speaking, he put another piece of shrimp into his mouth.

"I guess that's true," Ren agreed as he watched Ryuji spin Haru, in a move completely contrasting the style of 'dancing' they'd done up to that point.

Smiling, Yusuke added, "I feel the same can be said for any art form, truthfully. Painting, drawing, music... even dance."

The way he emphasized dance made Ren's body tense against his will. Even dance. Had the others already told Yusuke about Ren's history with dancing? Most of them hadn't even _seen_ him dance before, so that didn't make a whole lot of sense. When Ren finally dared himself to lift his head and look at Yusuke again, he saw the taller boy extending a hand to point at their friends dancing. Oh. Oh, that was what he meant. Slowly, tension started to release from his shoulders. Not that he thought his dancing was a great secret, or that he had to hide it, but it was tied to some unpleasant conversations that he wasn't really ready to have with a stranger yet.

"Yeah, I agree," Ren finally answered.

Yusuke was still smiling that same gentle smile. "Who knows," he mused, "the... strident tones of the Putrid Stains' inner turmoil could resonate to a place inside Haru we've yet to learn about. She's certainly dancing passionately enough to indicate as much."

It was funny. It was a simple assessment—maybe not even a complementary one—of the band and their music, but Yusuke's way of thinking shone through clearly. He was definitely unique. It was pretty obvious that he valued art higher than anything else. Ren had already figured as much out earlier that day at Leblanc. With that in mind, Ren appreciated the flowery way he spoke. It was charming.

"I'm glad she's so happy. She's earned it," Ren agreed, pushing off from the table and looking around the room.

The room was crowded and loud. Now that they'd stopped talking, it was all the more obvious. Yusuke watched the band with a furrowed brow, almost as though he was trying to memorize their movements or something. He _was_ an artist, so Ren supposed it made sense. Maybe he was planning to draw or paint it sometime. Ren was hesitant to interrupt him as he tilted his head and craned his neck to find a better angle, but the noise was a little bit too much. Part of him wanted to walk outside, both for the fresh air and to silence the noise a little bit. The rest of him figured that Yusuke wouldn't want to leave, given how fascinated he was by the band.

After a few seconds worth of waffling back and forth, Ren decided that the worst thing to happen would be a no answer. So, he said, "I'm gonna head outside for some fresh air. Wanna come along? Haru's garden is really nice in the spring."

It looked like the offer took Yusuke off-guard. For a second, Ren worried that he would say no, but just as quickly as the worry had a chance to manifest, the smile came back to Yusuke's face and he nodded. "I would love absolutely nothing more. It's been quite some time since I've had the chance to see Haru's garden. I imagine the peonies are in full bloom, and I'm sure the wisteria trees are starting to bud as well," he answered.

Of course an artist like Yusuke would be pretty eager to see the flowers and trees in Haru's massive garden. Ren filled his glass with champagne and gathered another for Yusuke. As Yusuke piled his plate with a seemingly endless supply of appetizers, Ren watched him for a second and couldn't help but chuckle under his breath. It seemed like his new friend was a bottomless pit for food. That was okay, though. Most of Ren's other friends had pretty big appetites, and when they all got together at Leblanc, sometimes they would go through over half the food Sojiro ordered for customers, so Ren was used to big appetites. Sometimes he would joke that Ryuji and Futaba were nothing but appetites on legs. It seemed Yusuke was another one.

Ren thought back to his offer of free curry for friends and barely managed to stifle a laugh. Fortunately, he was used to it, so he was more than prepared.

With food and drink in hand, they wove through the crowded foyer and out the door leading to Haru's backyard. While Ren and Ryuji had helped her lay the bricks and concrete that composed the paths in her garden, Ren couldn't help but think of how much this place had changed since Haru's father had died. "It's hard to believe that just under three years ago, this whole backyard was a golf course," he mused.

"Indeed. And that Haru has taken something so frivolous and unnecessary, and turned it into this beautiful display of growth and nature." Yusuke held tightly onto the plate with both hands, but as he spoke, his eyes wandered the path where the sakura and wisteria trees were just beginning to bud and blossom. Each time they passed one of the small lights lining the concrete path, it lit up and illuminated the way ahead of them a little bit better. "I'm proud to have taken part in its creation."

Ren arched an eyebrow. "You did, too?"

Murmuring a yes answer that Ren could finally hear, given their distance from Haru's house, Yusuke gestured to the trees and flowers as they walked by. "I helped her coordinate the colors. She did the planting, of course. I fear, if I had involved myself with that part, the trees would have had no chance to bloom as they are today. The flowers would have died on the spot." He laughed, though Ren could tell he meant what he was saying.

"Me too, it's okay," Ren agreed with a chuckle.

With surprise in his eyes, Yusuke turned to Ren. "You were involved as well? Ah, well, I suppose you did ask if I was involved 'too,' so that would imply your involvement, wouldn't it?" He chuckled softly at his own expense.

At the sound of that chuckle, Ren felt his lips turning up into a smile in return. "Yeah. Ryuji and I put down the pavement we're walking on, with the help of a small crew. We also put the fences up," he explained, leading the way to his favorite spot in the whole garden.

Yusuke glanced down at the pavement as they turned a corner. "I can only imagine the amount of work that went into it," he mused.

"Yeah," Ren laughed. "Took us about four days when all was said and done, and I had way more blisters on my hands than I think I've ever had in my life. I crashed here all four nights, and Sojiro let me take the time off work to do it. Haru offered to pay me but I wouldn't let her."

After a beat, Yusuke mused, "You must be quite good with your hands."

Instantly, Ren felt a blush creep across his cheeks, but a quick glance in Yusuke's direction showed that he was completely oblivious to what he'd just said, or any implications it may have had. Instead of drawing attention to it and making things awkward, Ren simply shrugged. "I'm okay, I guess. Haru seemed pretty pleased with it. I don't think she's made any changes since we did it."

They finally came to Ren's favorite spot in Haru's whole garden. Given that Yusuke was an artist, Ren had to believe that he'd have an appreciation for exactly how aesthetically pleasing a place like this was. A giant man-made pond with painted turtles and several koi fish sat in the middle of a concrete clearing, with several benches surrounding it. Outside of the fence were dozens of peony bushes, as well as Haru's wisteria and sakura trees. Sometimes, Ren found himself wondering exactly how Haru could have made the giant trees grow so high and bloom so well in such a short time, but she was an incredibly talented botanist, so he never really questioned too much. They approached the pond, and Ren set their drinks down on the small raised balustrade that surrounded the small body of water.

"Did you make this area, too?" Yusuke asked.

Ren laughed. "No, no. No way. I'm pretty sure she hired a crew for this." He glanced down into the water, immediately spotting a turtle swimming around and chasing after a few of the feeder fish on the bottom.

Behind him, Yusuke was sitting down and diligently picking away at some of the appetizers on his plate. "Even so, Haru very clearly had a vision for her entire garden. It's rather serene, but very exciting as well. I almost feel as though I could walk through here a dozen times and discover something new each time. I can't believe she maintains it so well by herself."

"Not by herself. I'm pretty sure Ryuji helps her. As hard as it is to imagine Ryuji maintaining a garden," Ren countered.

With a soft laugh, Yusuke nodded. "I suppose he does. Either he helps her or he helps to ensure she doesn't work herself into exhaustion out here," he murmured, then went silent to continue eating.

In the silence, Ren glanced back toward the house. In the darkness, he could just barely make out the silhouette of the building, but he could clearly see the light in the giant window leading to the foyer. The party guests looked like nothing but distant shadows from here, but the shadows moved around like they were bouncing in that same mocking style of dancing. A part of Ren wondered if more of Haru's guests had joined into their dance. A part of him kind of wanted to see it, all the stuffy guests Haru always had to invite to her social gatherings, falling into a punk rock dance.

The rest of him was pretty happy where he was, though. Present company wasn't so bad.

Not for the first time since they'd met earlier that day, Ren found himself curious about Yusuke. What kind of art did he create? What did he like and dislike? How had he met Sojiro? He'd known Sojiro before he met the rest of Ren's friends, right? So, what made Sojiro introduce him to all of Ren's friends... but not Ren? Was it really just Ren's own foolishness that kept them from meeting before now? In the back of Ren's mind, there was another lingering question, too. Why in the world was he so curious about a relative stranger? It wasn't that he was _scared_ of strangers, or even really anxious around them. It was just easier to stick around people he knew. It prevented uncomfortable things from coming into the open. So, why couldn't he help but want to get to know Yusuke a little bit better?

Ren finally turned his gaze back toward Yusuke, to see him tilting his head backward to look up at the night sky. The image wasn't exactly clear here. The lights in the garden and the not-so-distant Tokyo lights made it a little tough to see the stars for what they could be. It made Ren think back to clear nights in his hometown of Okina or in Inaba, where it felt like you could see the sky for miles. Shaking off thoughts of Okina before they had a chance to manifest, Ren quickly downed the rest of his champagne and turned his gaze back down to Earth.

If he wanted to know more about Yusuke, there was only one way to find out, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't get over the image of punk rock Haru. It may be the cutest thing I have ever envisioned.


	4. Between You & Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _just between you and me,_  
>  _i can feel something here, wondering if you do, too._  
>  _just between you and me,_  
>  _can't help but feeling we're acting like lovers do._  
> [between you & me](https://open.spotify.com/track/2ZJaX8qLEJf1sgZpiEFxT1?si=skui5LA7TXicQqoCmKMnNA) ;; betty who  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzvUO6wsitc) ]

Before Ren struck up any further conversation, he pulled his mask from his face and set it down next to him on the edge of the pond. The mask itself wasn't really restricting his vision, but he could see the world a whole lot better with his glasses on. He pulled them from where they hung in his collar and slid them back on his face, blinking against the sudden change in visual acuity. It had been a long time since he'd had his glasses off for that long, and he decided it would be a long time until he did it again. He turned his head back up toward the sky and took a look at the stars. Even if they weren't as pronounced as they were in Okina or Inaba, it was still a beautiful night... and he was in good company.

Ren tilted his head downward again, glancing at Yusuke across the way. Yusuke was still staring up at the night sky, looking like he was trying to burn the sight of it into his memory. After a few seconds, he lifted his hands like he was framing a picture over his head, and Ren bit his lip to keep from smiling. Even if they'd just met that day, the more time they spent together, the more obvious it became that Yusuke was _definitely_ an artist.

Now that Ren could see better, he glanced over at Yusuke and broke the silence. "So, I was surprised to see you here."

It was as easy a conversation starter as any, Ren figured. It was safe, there was no way to make it weird or awkward, and it didn't really invite too many uncomfortable questions. Small talk. Some people hated small talk, and Ren completely understood why. Small talk had more potential than anything to make conversations awkward. Sometimes, it came in the form of a question about Ren's dreams. Sometimes, it came in the form of unpleasant questions about the past. Ren had to hope it wouldn't come this time. Yusuke was pleasant to talk to. Maybe they could avoid all those awkward pratfalls that typically came along with small talk.

When Yusuke turned to look at him, fox mask still in place, Ren found his eyes drawn to Yusuke's own. Even in light as dim as it was in Haru's garden that night, Yusuke's eyes still stood out.

Yusuke laughed once, then glanced at his folded hands. "I'm sure I am equally as surprised to be here."

Oh, so did that mean he was like Ren; that their friends had shown up and dragged him away? He'd mentioned prior engagements back at Leblanc, so Ren had just assumed he knew about it beforehand, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe the situations were more alike than he expected. Maybe... maybe _they_ were more alike than Ren expected.

"That... it isn't to say that I don't enjoy spending time with our mutual friends and value the time I get to spend with them. I do. Of course I do," Yusuke continued, pausing to take another sip from his champagne glass and glance down at his plate of appetizers, which was mostly gone at this point. "I've... simply got a lot of work to do for one of my classes. I'm already tragically behind schedule. The piece I'm working on was supposed to be done last week and I'm just barely starting, which means—"

Just as quickly as Yusuke had started talking, he stopped and snapped his eyes up from the plate to look at Ren. "Ah. My apologies. You didn't ask to hear about—"

Ren interrupted him with a smile and a shake of his head. "No, it's okay," he countered. "I don't mind. You said earlier that you were in art school. When did you decide you wanted to be an artist?"

"I don't think I ever really decided," Yusuke admitted with a smile as he finished a piece of gyoza. "I've been told I was painting, and even drawing and sculpting, since I was in diapers. The moment I was old enough to hold a brush, they always told me it was all I ever wanted to do. So, it was always something of a foregone conclusion that I would create art of some sort. Fortunately, I'm rather passionate about art and enjoy creating it, so it is the kind of fate that I don't mind terribly much."

So often, Ren heard nightmare stories about people being pinned down by a destiny that had already been chosen for them, or locked into their parents' wishes. Hearing someone happy about something they were destined to do, something the fates had picked for them, was a nice change. It was obvious exactly how much enjoyment Yusuke got from art and creating it, and the enthusiasm and excitement were both very contagious. Ren couldn't help but smile as he spoke of his willingness to accept this particular one.

Yusuke simply arched an eyebrow. "You're smiling. Have I said something strange again?"

"Oh. No. You didn't say anything weird," Ren assured him. "It's just... you hear so many negative connotations associated with destiny and fate. People complain that they won't ever be able to achieve their dreams because it's already been decided that they'll have to do X or Y thing instead. It's just... nice to hear about it working out in someone's favor for once."

With a soft chuckle, Yusuke set the now-empty plate down next to him. "A very positive outlook."

"Maybe." Ren ran a hand through his mess of hair. "I bet you're an awesome artist." _Turn the conversation away from you. Talk about him. He's more interesting anyway,_ he chastised himself.

The look on Yusuke's face changed so suddenly that Ren wasn't exactly sure what had brought it on. All of a sudden, Yusuke looked cornered, and a bit disappointed, like he was taken off-guard by something unpleasant. "Ah. Perhaps..."

Hesitation wasn't to be expected of someone who'd been accepted into TIA. At least, Ren didn't think so. TIA students were prestigious, among the most talented in their specific fields. For Yusuke to have been accepted, he obviously had to be a talented artist, so Ren expected confidence—maybe even a little over-confidence—and a little bit of boasting. It would have definitely been preferable to the wistful sadness Yusuke was giving off right then. Concern pulled Ren's brows together as he regarded Yusuke's posture. He was slumped a little, like he was trying to disappear from view or keep Ren from noticing something. A crisis of confidence, if Ren had ever seen one before.

"I mean," Ren began, "you have all the qualifications to be good at it, right? You obviously have the passion and love for it, and you've been doing it since before you can remember. You're talented enough to have been accepted into TIA for it, so you have to have something going for you. I'm sure you're amazing."

Yusuke blinked a couple of times, then bit his lip. "Oh. I suppose I did make it sound like I was having a confidence issues, didn't I? No. It's not as though I lack for confidence when I am creating. I'm aware of my skills, I assure you. I simply—" Just like before, Yusuke stopped himself right as he got to the root of the problem. He scratched a hand through his hair, pulling a small bunch of hair from the loose ponytail and causing it to dangle in front of the mask; in front of his eyes. "I apologize. I'm not sure why my mind sees fit to empty my entire mess of issues onto the floor in front of you. It isn't as though you asked to hear them."

Shaking his head, Ren shrugged his head to the side. "I really don't mind."

With surprised eyes peeking out from behind his kitsune mask, Yusuke met Ren's gaze. "Are you certain?" he asked as he reached for his champagne.

"Mmhmm," Ren answered, nodding. "It's not like it's a huge thing, you know? It's just listening. That's the easy part."

The smile slowly eased its way back across Yusuke's face, and he brushed the loose strands of hair behind his ear again. Either it was a nervous habit, or they were obstructing his vision in some way. Maybe it was a bit of both, Ren thought. Whatever it was, the combination of the movement and the smile, which was now back in full-swing, made Ren smile subconsciously in return.

Yusuke spoke up again, his smile going a little sly. "I should have expected such a response from someone with all the same friends as I have," he admitted, sipping at his champagne.

Ren laughed quietly. "Exactly," he agreed. "So... go ahead."

Just as quickly as the smile had returned to Yusuke's face, it wilted again. With a quiet sigh, he set the champagne glass on the bench beside him. "It's hardly a tragedy, I assure you," he started, chuckling a humorless note. "More of a self-imposed inconvenience, I suppose. I've barely been creating anything lately, you see? I try. I genuinely do. It just doesn't come easily, almost as though inspiration is flitting away from me like scattering fireflies on a late summer night."

Fireflies? Ren arched an eyebrow at the simile, but it seemed like Yusuke didn't even notice it, nor did he notice Ren's reaction. He was staring down at the pavement beneath his feet, most likely pondering his inspiration problem. Ren remembered that he'd mentioned a penchant for saying peculiar things. Maybe a simile to describe a literal occurrence wasn't exactly peculiar, but Ren couldn't exactly see most of their other friends talking like that. It was different, but in a good way; charming. It made him stand out and sound almost like a character from a movie or a TV show.

The more Ren thought about it, though, the more he disagreed with Yusuke's assessment. An artist not creating was a tragedy in every sense of the word, and it was something Ren understood on a personal level. Even though he had long since given up his dreams of teaching dance or choreography or just dancing _somehow_ , there was always a corner of his mind that resisted him. Fortunately, it was easy to push it back; to tell the voice no. For someone like Yusuke, it clearly wasn't so easy. If he'd been painting since before he could remember, it was probably an integral part of how he identified himself. That struck Ren as pretty tragic.

"I don't know, an artist who's having trouble creating seems pretty tragic to me," Ren offered in return. "Do you know why you're having trouble?"

Yusuke shook his head. "No." Just as quickly, though, he held his index finger up like he was planning to correct himself. "Well, yes. I suppose I do. However, I don't think it's a problem I can easily solve. At least, I have yet to think of a way."

Lifting his shoulder in a shrug, Ren pondered the situation for a few seconds. Sure, it wasn't a simple situation. An artist in an art block, who couldn't create. There was a single solution that sprang to Ren's mind. "Well, if it's not a problem you don't think you can solve easily, and it's causing you to lose inspiration, maybe you could try and use _that_ as inspiration," he suggested.

When Yusuke didn't respond, instead just looked at him with curious eyes, Ren realized he needed to elaborate.

"I'm obviously not an expert on painting or drawing or anything like that," Ren admitted, "but I've always thought that true art doesn't always have to come from somewhere positive or happy. You know? If it always had to come from a happy place, we wouldn't have sad songs or tragic poems or movies or books, right?"

Though Yusuke seemed to understand the situation now, he looked slightly more disheartened. He leaned forward crossing his arms against his knees, and sighed softly. "If only it were that simple," he answered. "Art has always been a fickle companion for me. At times, inspiration strikes me easily and I spend weeks upon weeks in my atelier. Other times, however—" he paused, "—lately... it seems that I am unable to conjure an image worthy of my brushes."

Ren arched an eyebrow. "But you just did that, didn't you?"

Once again, Yusuke looked at Ren with curiosity and confusion in his eyes. He didn't answer with words, just looked at Ren like he'd just said the craziest thing possible. That look was a loud and clear 'what are you talking about' if Ren had ever seen one in his life.

"You did," Ren insisted. "Just a couple minutes ago, when you were talking about your lack of inspiration? You compared it to fireflies, remember? Think about it. Someone standing in a field, chasing fireflies, but all the fireflies are _just_ outside of their reach? I think that would be a really nice painting."

Yusuke's eyes shot open, and his lips parted just slightly, like the idea had simply escaped his notice. A couple of times, it looked almost like he tried to speak, but the words fell short or wouldn't come out. It was a little bit strange—Ren didn't think he'd said anything worthy of a reaction like that, after all—but Yusuke seemed completely and totally flabbergasted by the concept. It seemed like the rest of his body finally caught up with his brain, as he placed his right hand to his chest and turned to glance up at the sky, seeming to ponder Ren's suggestion as he looked at the stars.

"Inspiration and fireflies," Yusuke repeated. "Both little flecks of light, flitting further and further away from human hands; hands which desperately yearn to capture them and use them to light the darkness."

It was almost like Ren was watching a scene from some sort of play. As Yusuke spoke, he dramatically and slowly stood from the bench. His right hand stayed on his chest, but his left extended upward to the sky, reaching upward as if trying to grasp some kind of invisible firefly prey. To anyone who hadn't heard the conversation, he probably would have looked ridiculous; Yusuke, still in his kitsune mask, reaching toward the sky for something no one could see. Hell, Ren _had_ heard the conversation, and he _still_ thought Yusuke looked a little bit ridiculous. Ridiculous... but really charming.

Ren nodded. "Something like that, yeah."

The laugh emanating from Yusuke right then was a low rumble, but it sounded impassioned, almost like the fiery laughter of a madman inspired. Ren watched him, confused but endlessly intrigued, as he grasped an invisible firefly and pulled it down to his chest, before turning his gaze on Ren again with an eager and excited smile on his face.

"Marvelous. Simply _marvelous_!" Yusuke declared. "To think that such inspiration lie at the very base of my own struggle and I was so blinded by the struggle itself that I couldn't see!"

In a flash, Yusuke closed the distance between them and clasped his hands on Ren's shoulders. The sudden grip took Ren by surprise and almost knocked him into Haru's pond, but fortunately, he managed to recover long enough to stay in position. Yusuke was smiling now—Ren could sense the uncertainty in the smile, but it was still there and it was still bright and it was really beautiful—as he met Ren's gaze squarely. He didn't let go right away, but he didn't speak either. He simply stood there, in Ren's space, smiling and gripping his shoulders for God only knew how long.

Maybe Ren should have said something, but for the time being, he found himself lost in the moment. Yusuke's eyes sparkled a little more now, and his smile was becoming more genuine and less tentative as time went on. A gentle scent wafted from Yusuke; it was soft and floral, maybe verbena, mixed in with the champagne and an undertone of some kind of paint lingering on his clothes. The proximity and the happiness in Yusuke's eyes at the moment were almost overwhelming to Ren. It was like someone zapped his brain with electricity, and all of a sudden his mind and heart were flooding with feelings he hadn't felt for...

… for a year.

Obviously, it was beyond stupid to think he had feelings for someone he'd only just met. He'd _only just met_ Yusuke. They'd had a grand total of two conversations. There was something about him, though. Something Ren couldn't quite explain. He was unique, which was something special in and of itself, but beyond that, Ren could almost feel a kindred spirit within him. Maybe he was assuming too much. Really, what they knew about each other couldn't even fill a thimble. Even so, he found himself idiotically drawn to this quirky, odd, unique artist with the smile that could bend worlds to its whim.

Yusuke finally spoke, his voice soft and dripping with gratitude as he spoke. "Thank you, Ren. Thank you from the depths of my very soul!"

"I... I didn't do much," Ren insisted.

It seemed like Yusuke wasn't hearing it, though. "Nonsense. You did everything."

The shift in Yusuke's demeanor was practically palpable. It almost felt like the inspiration was crackling in the air around him, coming from him in waves and lighting him up in an aura so bright that the stars above them cowered in jealousy. If nothing else, Ren allowed himself to feel satisfaction for what Yusuke seemed to _think_ he'd done. In spite of the strange feelings working their way through him, Ren couldn't help but allow himself the slightest, tiniest smile. Yusuke was exaggerating, obviously. All Ren had done was share something he thought was obvious. Using suffering to create was something all great artists did. As simple as Ren's 'help' was, though, Yusuke seemed genuinely grateful, so Ren allowed himself the tiniest bit of self-satisfaction.

With a shrug, Ren murmured, "Glad I could help."

"I must go back to my atelier straight away and get to work!" Yusuke declared, dropping his arms from Ren's shoulders and holding his index finger up in a 'eureka' moment. It looked like he was about to dash away without so much as a word, but before he did, he looked eagerly back at Ren. "Ah! But, of course, you! You must come by tomorrow and see my progress! Please? I would not have had this burst of inspiration if not for you. I feel I owe you that much, at least!"

The offer almost blindsided Ren, and he found himself agreeing without much thought. "I, uh... yeah! Yeah, I can do that. I don't have anything else to do after Sojiro takes over to close, s-so... if you want me to come by, I can-"

Before Ren could even finish speaking, Yusuke's smile grew even wider. "Magnificent!" he shouted, in a voice so loud it caused one of the turtles in the pond to dive under the water. He had barely finished talking before he turned and started speed-walking backward toward Haru's house. As he walked backward, he shouted, "I live in Ueno, next to the fire station closest to the Tokyo Institute of the Arts! The others can tell you the fastest way to get there! I look forward to seeing you!"

Then, as soon as he finished talking, Yusuke turned around and took off in a half-jog, back toward Haru's house.

As his silhouette faded into the darkness, all he left in his wake was a very stunned, very confused, Ren Amamiya.

Ren stood there for a few seconds, trying to wrap his head around what had happened. Sure, it had been his intent to help Yusuke _somehow_ , but he'd never really expected it to actually work. As he sat alone in Haru's courtyard, Ren found himself thinking back to Yusuke's aura once the inspiration hit him. It was almost like he glowed; like he put off a physical light and made everything around him glow brighter in turn. It was almost like the energy was magic and it permeated Ren's spirit, stripping away his ability to respond with words and rendering him spellbound. Just the thought had his chest fluttering a little bit.

It was stupid. It was insane. It made no sense. Twice. They'd met _twice_. There was no rhyme or right or reason for Ren's chest to be fluttering, but here he was, thinking he felt things that people felt in romance novels. He couldn't, though. It was physical attraction playing a trick on him, or something, because people didn't fall for people—or even develop _crushes_ —that quickly. Physical attraction was fine. It was normal. _That_ was nothing to be embarrassed about. Yusuke was an attractive man, so being physically interested made sense. Yeah. Physical attraction was normal, and it was normal to be _blinded_ by physical attraction to think there was more there. Right? So, that had to be all it was.

As he slapped himself with a dose of reality, he felt himself relax and cut himself some slack. But that was when he heard it.

"Oh, _Flower Child_!" Futaba's voice called playfully, echoing out through the darkness. Seconds later, he heard a chorale of echoing footsteps coming down the pathway toward him.

Seconds after _that_ , Futaba appeared at the pond. Right behind her were Ann and Ryuji, with Haru and Makoto following close behind. "We just passed Yusuke," Ann announced, pointing over her shoulder. "He ran through Haru's like he was possessed or something. We were gonna come out here and yell at you for saying something to upset him, before we realized he was smiling."

Haru nodded, taking her mask from her face and sitting down on the bench Yusuke had just vacated. "Yes, I was quite pleased by the smile. While he's not exactly an entirely morose person, lately he's become more and more dismal. Seeing him smile brings joy to my heart."

"So what happened?" Futaba asked. "Did ya smooch him? Pretty sure Ann would die of happiness if you smooched him."

Of course that was the conclusion Futaba would jump to. "No, I didn't smooch him," he answered, in an unimpressed monotone voice. "How long were you watching?"

Futaba shrugged. "Not long enough, apparently! Did he smooch you, then? Inari's weird, so I can see him smoochin' someone then runnin' off scared." She mimicked a running motion with her fingers.

Scoffing, Ren shook his head and stood up. "No one smooched anyone, Futaba."

With an exasperated sigh, Futaba glanced at Ann, then back at Ren. "Well, _why not_? Starry night, romantic koi pond... seems like the perfect place for two romantic weirdos to give into their primal urges and make with the smooches, doesn't it?" As if for emphasis, Futaba pressed her two index fingers together in a crude impression of two people kissing.

Ren pointedly ignored the immature assessment, rolled his eyes, and replaced his glasses with the mask. It was easier to hide the awkwardness he was feeling that way. "We just came out here to talk, and I think I might've accidentally helped him chip away at his art block," he explained, tucking his glasses back into his collar.

"Lame. Sorry, Ann. Looks like your master plan didn't work this time either."

Sighing in exasperation, Ann shook her head. "My plan did _not_ hinge on smooches, Futaba! I only planned to _introduce_ them. They came out here _all on their own_! I call that a win."

Makoto laughed softly. "So much for trying to imply that you had no plan," she mused.

"Futaba's bad at secrets, we knew that," Ryuji pointed out with a shrug.

Scoffing, Futaba narrowed her eyes at Ryuji. "Oh, puh-lease! You might be worse than me, Ryuji!" She pointed accusingly at Ryuji.

Deciding to interrupt before Futaba and Ryuji's bickering devolved into a full-scale argument, Ren pointed back at Haru's house. "Shouldn't we go back inside? The hostess is out here, and someone in there's probably looking for her for something, right?" he asked.

Haru shrugged. "No one has needed me so far tonight! It's been a lovely evening of relaxation and fun. Though, perhaps the rest of you should go back inside." She gestured to Ann, Makoto, Futaba, and Ryuji. "I'd like a word with Ren."

Unsurprisingly, the first one to comply was Ryuji. He and Haru were on a different wavelength, Ren figured. It wasn't like it was a one-way street. When Haru made suggestions or requests, Ryuji listened to them, but the same could be said the other way around as well. It was a little funny. They couldn't have been more opposite, or from more different worlds, but they really made a great pair. After squeezing Haru's shoulder and kissing her on the cheek, Ryuji flashed Ren a wry smirk and then started toward the house again. It was only when he realized he was the only one leaving that he stopped and turned around.

"Hey, assholes. C'mon. We should check on the refreshments and see if the band needs anything, anyway," Ryuji commanded.

Futaba huffed, crossing her arms at her chest. "But we walked _all this way_ to get here, and I don't even have any hot gossip yet!"

Ren sighed again. "There's no gossip, Futaba. Really. We talked about his art, he got an idea, and he left. I don't understand what gossip you could _possibly_ get from that." Of course, Ren realized that eventually, she'd find out about his plans to go to Yusuke's atelier tomorrow, whether from Ren himself or from Sojiro, but for now he decided to leave that particular tidbit out. That would be exactly the 'hot gossip' she was looking for, even if there was nothing secretive about it.

"Come now, Futaba," Makoto encouraged her. "If Ren says there's no gossip, there's no gossip."

After snorting a laugh, Futaba shot Makoto an incredulous look. "I'm pretty sure Flower Child would rather die than let us know any single little smidgen of gossip, t-b-h." She shrugged and sighed, before trudging back toward Haru's house, without a hint of defeat in her demeanor. " _Luckily_ , I live next door to him and work with him, so I'll find out eventually."

Ann laughed softly. "Suddenly, I feel really sorry for you," she teased Ren.

After a short goodbye, everyone else started back toward Haru's house, leaving only Ren and Haru behind at the pond. Fortunately, Ren was a little more at ease with just the two of them. Like Makoto, Haru was one of his more rational friends. Sure, she had a simmering temper and if something provoked her she could go from zero-to-ten in a split second, but Ren was confident in the fact that he'd done nothing to provoke her. He and Yusuke had gotten along fine, and no one was upset with anyone... so there was no reason to be upset.

"Come sit with me for a moment, if you don't mind," Haru opened with a warm smile once everyone was out of earshot.

Ren stood and crossed the short space between the pond and the bench. A part of him was wondering exactly what Haru wanted to say, but she didn't start talking right away. Instead, she looked at the koi pond with a fond smile and then turned her eyes up to the sky to glance at the stars.

When she finally did start talking, it wasn't about whatever she probably wanted to say to Ren. "I think I need to come out here more often at night," she mused. "I usually only come out here during the day but it's quite charming in the starlight, isn't it?"

Nodding, Ren said, "Yeah. It's peaceful."

"I was quite pleased to find you and Yusuke out here. You both had such a large involvement in the garden's creation that it seemed unfair for you two to be the only ones not reaping the rewards," Haru admitted, folding her hands on her lap as she glanced Ren's way. "Did you know that Yusuke chose the color schemes for my whole garden? Things that were complementary and things that contrasted for each season. It took him a whole week to come up with an appropriate scheme. He's rather dedicated."

Was this what Haru wanted to talk about? Ren shrugged his head to the side, then nodded. "He mentioned that he'd helped you color-coordinate, but I didn't know what extent he was involved to."

Haru nodded and smiled. Then, in a conversational whiplash, she changed the subject. "Ren, I won't lie to you. We were watching you," she explained. "Futaba took notice when the pair of you left the house, and we followed you outside. We hid in the tree house Ryuji built in one of my wisteria trees, and watched you."

Ren puffed out a breath. Was he surprised? No, he wasn't. He was, however, a little concerned about what they'd seen. Or, more like what they thought they'd seen. Futaba tended to get a little too imaginative when she watched conversations like the one between Ren and Yusuke. She watched too much anime, or read too much manga, so whenever she perceived something as a 'total shippy moment' in public, she never really let the idea go. If they'd been watching, they'd seen the way Yusuke had grabbed Ren's shoulders. Ren knew enough about Futaba to know... that was more than enough for her.

"So, I'm gonna guess Futaba's creating a dozen theories as we speak."

Laughing, Haru nodded once. "Yes, she actually thought you would kiss right then and there, no matter how much we told her it was unrealistic," she pointed out.

The thought of Futaba's commentary when Ren mentioned going to Yusuke's atelier tomorrow made Ren slump in his seat. "Great," he murmured. "As glad as I am that she came out of her shell, sometimes I wish she had a little more tact."

Haru simply giggled and lifted her hands in a semi-shrug. "I've actually come to appreciate it. Ann, Makoto, and I always bring her with us when we go clothes shopping, because she's the best at telling us when we're buying things that won't suit us... in a way that makes us absolutely not want to buy them," she mused with a smirk. "But I digress. That's not exactly why I wanted to talk to you."

Ren laughed softly. He'd figured that much.

"Now, I'm fully aware that Futaba sees what she wants to see a lot of the time in regards to romance. Those theories you talked about," Haru continued without encouragement. "However, it wasn't all Futaba's imagination. I saw you, and I can tell when someone is attracted to someone else. I know you're strangers, and that you've only just met today, so I'm not going to imply that you should just go for it right away. That's a recipe for disaster."

There was a 'but'; Ren could sense it from a mile away. So, he didn't speak up, just let Haru continue her thought process. There was no point stopping her, anyway.

Haru smiled and stood, beckoning for Ren to follow her. "I'm merely suggesting that you not close off the possibility down the road," she suggested.

Of course she was. Ren wanted to tell her no right away. He wanted to insist that there was no chance that anything would, could, or _should_ ever happen between him and someone like Yusuke. Ren knew Haru well enough to know how well that would go over, though. So, as he stood and started following her back to her house, he didn't say anything.

Unfortunately, Haru caught on to his silence. "You don't have to answer me, Ren. I know you well enough to know you'll struggle with it, but now that you've heard the words, they're at least something for you to think about," she pointed out with a smile.

Ren still didn't answer. Instead, he thought back to the way he'd felt with Yusuke up close and in his space. Between that weird heart fluttering feeling he'd had and the way he was so pleased with himself for helping Yusuke like he had, a lot had just happened. So, would he think about Haru's words? Yeah, he probably would. Was a promise to think about something a promise to allow it to actually happen? No, it wasn't, which was a fortunate loophole here for Ren.

"I'll think about it," was all he offered in reply, as he and Haru headed back to her house to rejoin the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After talking about punk rock Haru, I have been extra excited about sharing her interactions with Ren in this chapter!
> 
> Also, _finally_ we're getting some hint of interest between Them Boys!
> 
> Thanks to Pam for betaing! ♥


	5. Superposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i don't believe in fate, no psychic vision,_  
>  _but when things fall into place, superposition._  
>  _in any universe, you are my dark star._  
> [superposition](https://open.spotify.com/track/67YPjbcxUypwNOwYBZquq1?si=K536dy2rRhWb0VBcCutj6w) ;; young the giant  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6Ug8YwGmrk) ]

It was nice out again. The sun was still in the sky, and Ren didn't even need a jacket when he left Leblanc for Yusuke's atelier. Fortunately, he'd managed to shake Haru's words from his mind by about midday, or else he probably could have talked himself out of going. Luckily, he'd managed to keep his nerve up by reminding himself that Yusuke needed his help and the only reason he was going was to give his opinion on the painting he'd helped inspire.

The train ride was longer than he was used to, but it gave him a few seconds to let his mind catch up and consider how crazy yesterday was. When he got home last night, he didn't have the opportunity to think about it, because he was too wiped out from Haru's party. He slept through the night. The morning hadn't provided a chance to think either. Even though Sojiro told him he didn't have to open the shop, his internal clock wouldn't let him sleep in anymore, so he was up to help Sojiro open. After that, he'd been working up until fifteen minutes ago, when Sojiro forced him out of the shop to go to Yusuke's atelier.

Now, as he leaned his head against the train window, all he could think about was Yusuke. It was kind of funny, honestly. They'd only met twice, but Ren couldn't get the guy out of his head. That smile, the way the air seemed to crackle and sizzle around him when inspiration finally hit, the sparkle in his eyes... there really was something beautiful about him. Then there was the unique and original way he talked: like he was always telling a grand tale and Ren seemed to be the one lucky enough to hear it. It was probably stupid, and definitely crazy, to be thinking like that after two conversations, so Ren forced himself to stop thinking about it.

As the train slowed to a stop at Ueno Station, Ren's mind wandered back to Haru's words. _"I'm merely suggesting that you not close off the possibility down the road,"_ she'd said. The whole walk back she'd been talking about "how they looked at each other," and Ren's "reactions to the suggestion" as her reasons. It was a casual enough conversation in the moment, and Ren was honestly too stunned at the time to tell her exactly how crazy it sounded. The more he thought about it, though, as he stepped off the train station and onto the streets of Ueno, the crazier it sounded. How was Ren supposed to be open to the possibility of a future relationship with a _stranger_? Just because the others thought they'd be a good match didn't mean they would.

How could they possibly? Ren had known Yusuke for such a short time, but he could already tell that Yusuke shone brightly. Too brightly. He had a future. "He's an artist, doing what he loves with the world at his fingertips. You can't do anything with your life. At least not what you really want to do," Ren muttered to himself.

Physically shaking the thought off, because Ren _refused_ to act woeful when he faced his new friend, he looked around the area as he walked. It was... not what he expected of a town so heavy with art students. The area looked rough. Some of the buildings were in disrepair, and even the fire station Yusuke had mentioned seemed like it had seen better days. Some buildings nearby looked abandoned and run down, there was a store with a wanted list on the front, and Ren found himself exercising a little more caution as he crossed the street to get to Yusuke's building. He didn't really have anything on him beyond his wallet, but he still worried a little.

As he got closer to Yusuke's building, he quickly came to the realization that it was more of the same. Some of the structural bricks were missing, and a couple windows on the ground and second floors were cracked. One window a little higher up was completely missing and replaced with a sheet of plastic. Ren blinked twice and shook it off. It was fine. Yusuke lived here and nothing had happened to him.

Ren opened the front door to the building, and looked around. He was suddenly thankful Haru told him which apartment Yusuke lived in, because Yusuke had forgotten that particular detail. _Apartment 4-J. Fourth floor, down to the end of the hallway and to the right,_ he recalled as he started up the staircase.

At one point, Ren could have sworn he passed by one of the people he'd seen on the wanted poster at the convenience store, but all he did was pick his step up a little and rush up the last flight of stairs until he got to Yusuke's floor. One of the apartments was playing unabashedly loud music, and from another, Ren could hear a pair of children screaming bloody murder through the paper-thin walls. He wondered how Yusuke dealt with it. Ren could barely sleep through the morning rush of customers he heard in Leblanc from his room when he managed to take a morning off here and there. This noise made that seem like nothing.

When he reached apartment 4-J, he stopped, glancing at the door. It was kind of weird, being so intimidated by a door, but Ren figured it was more what was on the other side of the door that he was intimidated by. It wasn't even Yusuke; it was being in someone's apartment. Someone _new_. He didn't feel intimidated when he went to Ann and Makoto's place, or when he went to Ryuji's or Haru's... but this was a whole new apartment. An artist's apartment. Someone who was leaps and bounds better than he was.

Ren wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish with this thought process, but he was sure of what he _was_ accomplishing: making himself nervous.

He had to shake his head sharply to force himself out of his own thoughts. Only when he'd succeeded did he lift his hand to knock on the door. The knock echoed out through the mostly-empty hallway, and from the corner of his eye, he saw a man glaring at him like his presence was offensive. Yusuke didn't answer right away, and a part of Ren wondered if he was sleeping or not at home quite yet. He considered calling one of his friends to ask for Yusuke's number, but instead, he decided to try and knock one last time. This time, he knocked a little bit harder and in a noticeable rhythm.

"Yusuke?" Ren called with his hand up against the door. "You in there?"

Another beat passed, before Ren heard a reply through the door. "Yes, it's unlocked, come in." The words were muttered, as though they were spoken by someone who was only partially paying attention, but Ren could still hear them loud and clear.

If Ren could hear him, and he'd just announced that the door to his apartment was unlocked, then who else had just heard him? Yusuke was living in an unlocked apartment, with people like the man who was _still_ glaring at Ren living around him? Ren shook off the concern—it wasn't his place, after all—and twisted the doorknob.

The apartment itself was nothing like Ren expected. Firstly, it was very small. It was composed of one room with a small hallway that led to what Ren assumed to be a closet-sized bathroom. In the cramped hallway, there was a meager storage closet, wide open and teeming with non-perishable foods; things a person could cook in an instant if need be, like instant ramen and dozens of different canned foods. A little further down the hall sat an obviously well-used hot plate next to a little sink: the perfect instruments to cook a meal for one. Yusuke lived alone, that much was obvious. The state of his apartment suggested he didn't have company very often either.

As the hallway gave way to the main room of the apartment, Ren was even more flabbergasted. Of course, it smelled strongly of paint, but there was a slight undertone of that pleasant verbena smell Ren picked up coming from Yusuke the night prior. Against the wall, there was a small table with a laptop sitting atop it, and a single chair. There was a small television on a dresser, and a roll-out futon on the floor, which was presently rolled up. The most prominent thing in the room, unsurprisingly, was art.

There were dozens of paintings in dozens of different styles all over the room. Some were stacked up, some were leaning against the wall; there were even some sitting inside a closet which would normally have been used for clothing. For someone who said he was having trouble creating, Yusuke's apartment was full of art. If this was blocked, Ren couldn't even imagine what he was normally like. He scanned the rest of the room, but when his eyes hit Yusuke, he completely stopped.

The first thing Ren noticed, which made him smirk a little to himself, was the fact that Yusuke was still in the very same clothes he'd worn the night before. In fact, the kitsune mask sat on a nearby dresser, like Yusuke had just taken it off and immediately gotten to work. His hair was in the same mess of a ponytail, only now it was even messier. The elastic was only holding a few strands of hair at this point, and most of Yusuke's dark blue locks were tucked behind his ears. Yusuke himself stood in the middle of the room, tilting his head to one side and changing his angle as he looked at the canvas before him. His eyes were slightly squinted, like he was thinking, but they were singularly focused on the canvas. Nothing else in the world was even registering on his radar.

Ren had never actually experienced a skipped heartbeat before, but as he regarded Yusuke in that moment, looking like a complete mess but somehow still so beautiful, he knew how it felt. He was pretty sure he'd never seen anything quite so perfect before, and he was loath to interrupt it.

Inevitably, he had to. "Yusuke?" Ren finally called.

Yusuke didn't even lift his head. Instead, all he did was murmur a quick reply of, "Hmm?"

Blinking, Ren took a quick glance around the room. He knew how it was sometimes. When he used to dance, when he was coming up with a routine or really trying to get the finite details down, sometimes he would completely lose the world. Anything could be happening around him, and he wouldn't notice anything other than the fact that he'd missed two steps in a row. He imagined it was worse with something as immersive as painting. That knowledge was the only thing keeping Ren from leaving Yusuke to his painting and coming back another day.

Ren decided to try again. "Yusuke? Hey, it's Ren... you invited me over. Remember?"

Again, Yusuke simply hummed in reply.

"Is this a bad time?" Ren asked.

This time, Yusuke didn't even hum. He just swirled his brush to his palette and slid a loop of dark blue into the late night sky on his painting. Ren considered leaving. The last thing he wanted was to interrupt his new friend when inspiration finally struck him. Still, with the same clothes from last night, the ghost of the same ponytail, slight bags under his eyes, and paint drips all over him, Ren wondered if maybe he was due for a break. That possibility, more than anything else, made Ren reach his hand forward and clasp it to Yusuke's shoulder.

When Yusuke stood straight, jumping and whirling around, Ren couldn't help but feel guilty. It seemed as though, just as quickly as the panic had set in, he relaxed when he realized who was there. After regarding Ren in surprise for a few moments, he blinked slowly, in a way that made it seem like he hadn't blinked in a little while; like he'd been focused on his painting for a really long time. With a slow, steadying breath, he glanced from Ren, to the clock, and then around his apartment like he was trying to come to some kind of awareness. If Ren had to guess, he was most likely trying to figure out how much time had passed.

"Ren!" Yusuke finally spoke, once he turned his gaze back in Ren's direction. His expression had brightened considerably, though he definitely looked like he needed rest. "When did you arrive? I didn't hear you knock!"

Ren arched an eyebrow. "But... you told me it was unlocked. And to come in..." he pointed out.

The words seemed to take Yusuke off guard, and he simply stared at Ren in surprise for a few seconds. "I did?" he finally asked. "No, I'm... I'm sure I did. I've been told I get like this when I paint. Makoto once told me that I go into a trance, and it seems as though I'm only half-aware of what is happening around me."

"Hey, don't worry about it." Ren paused, then shook his head. "Well, maybe worry about it a little... I mean, it was only me this time, but-"

Yusuke laughed bitterly. "Yes, I know. In the same breath, she pointed out how dangerous this particular habit can be," he mused, smiling in self-deprecation.

With a shrug, Ren waved it off. "I think it makes sense this time. So you got a little entranced. If I remember right, you mentioned you've had trouble creating lately, so... you wanted to soak up as much of it as you could. Right?" He smiled warmly, though Yusuke's 'disheveled but in semi-formal clothing' look was a little bit concerning.

It seemed the smile was enough to comfort Yusuke at the moment, and he broke into a smile, too. "All said, I'm very glad you're here. Welcome to my atelier," he offered proudly.

"Thanks," Ren answered simply, taking another look around. "You called this your atelier, but I'm assuming you live here, too?"

Yusuke nodded. "Small though it may be, I am perfectly comfortable as long as I have the room to paint," he admitted sheepishly.

The exact answer Ren had expected, and he smiled in response. Now that Yusuke was aware of his presence, Ren had another chance to look around the atelier. In design, it looked more like a normal apartment than an actual atelier, though Ren supposed he'd never actually been inside an atelier before to know what one was supposed to look like. Even in museums, Ren had never seen quite so many paintings before. He turned his back to Yusuke, walking toward a stack of paintings leaning against the wall. Yusuke had a distinctive style, but each of them was different. Some of them were realistic, people and things that looked almost like they were photos instead of paintings. Others were abstract caricatures of things Ren easily recognized.

There were lots of sketches of people as well. Some of them were simple, realistic visages of people talking or fighting or walking together and smiling, but then there were the abstracts. Ren found the abstracts more telling than the realistic ones. One jumped out and caught his attention: a monstrous man in a shining golden kimono with a white top knot, towering over a small bluebird in a cage and screaming at it. The bird had a dagger sticking out from its back, and it looked despondently at the viewer. It felt like something he wasn't supposed to see, so he decided not to comment on it at the moment. Maybe later, if the right moment presented itself.

As Ren turned back to look at Yusuke, he asked, "You bounce back and forth between styles a lot, don't you?"

Yusuke murmured an affirmative answer before pushing a few loose strands of hair from his face again. At this rate, it almost would have made more sense to let his hair down and try again, but he seemed content to keep the ponytail the way it was. "I find myself getting bored if I work in the same style for too long. That is the wonderful thing about art, though. There's always something new to try."

Ren nodded as he continued to glance around. At the back of one of the piles leaning against the wall, Ren's eyes were drawn to what looked like a painting of a molten orange sphere of lava. It boiled and burned, the edges seeming to glow brighter than the core itself. It seemed like the core was eating away at the rest of the painting, which was shaded the same blue as Yusuke's hair. There were a lot of implications in the details, and none of them said anything good about Yusuke's mental state, but Ren figured he didn't have much room to talk. He was about to ask Yusuke about the painting, but before he got the chance, Yusuke broke the silence.

"I was working on the idea you gave me," he told Ren, turning and pointing at his easel. "I'm quite pleased with the result so far."

At Yusuke's urging, Ren headed toward the painting on the easel. It looked... incredible. Exactly like what Ren had imagined when he'd shared the idea with Yusuke. The sky was a dark, midnight blue, and there was a shadowy figure standing in a dark green field. Several small lights illuminated the sky, some brighter than others, and Ren recognized the brighter ones as fireflies and the dimmer ones as distant stars dotting the sky. The figure, even without distinctive features, had the same tall and lithe frame as Yusuke. He reached to the sky, desperately stretching for a firefly fluttering just outside his grasp.

With a smile, Ren said, "It's gorgeous."

"Well, it isn't finished quite yet," Yusuke answered, then chewed nervously on his lower lip.

Ren shrugged. "Maybe not, but I can still see the care you put into what's already here," he reassured Yusuke. "The figure is shadowy, sure, but judging by the frame, I can tell it's you, reaching for those inspiration fireflies."

A slight flush painted Yusuke's cheeks. "You can?" he asked.

Even with the pinkness of Yusuke's cheeks, he looked completely and totally enraptured with every word Ren was saying. It was probably a little bit weird, Ren reasoned, since what he knew about art could easily fit into a thimble and still have room. Even so, Ren couldn't help but feel a little bit flattered by the fact that, somehow, Yusuke valued his opinion. That fact alone was enough to make him look past his own uncertainty and keep talking.

"Yeah, you definitely can," Ren insisted. "To tell you the truth, I don't know a whole lot about art. I just know what I like and what I don't. I definitely like this. It really communicates the desperation, because everything else in the painting is dark but the fireflies and stars are both light. Looking at how far your arm is stretching, I can also tell how desperate you are to reach the fireflies."

Yusuke smiled bashfully as he stepped forward to glance at the painting over Ren's shoulder. "You are very kind," he told Ren quietly.

With a shrug, Ren looked at Yusuke over his shoulder. "I'm just being honest. Even without seeing any of your work, I knew you were an amazing artist, and being here just proves it."

As Ren looked at Yusuke over his shoulder, they shared a smile, and Ren couldn't help but notice his heart doing that weird stuttering thing again. It was crazy. Or, at least it should have been crazy. When Yusuke looked at Ren with that smile on his face—a smile so honest and so grateful that mountains would bend to its whim—it didn't feel crazy. It felt completely natural for his heart to flutter a little bit. Before it had a chance to happen again, Ren stepped to the side and cast his eyes around the room.

"Has something managed to catch your eye?" Yusuke asked.

In the back of Ren's mind, he found himself wondering about Yusuke's wording. It sounded deliberate. What reason could he have to comment on what Ren _saw_ , other than the fact that he'd caught on to Ren's weird fixation on him and his smile and his face and the way he looked? _Oh, maybe because he's an artist, and he's asking if one of his_ paintings _have caught your eye? That would make sense, wouldn't it?_ Ren asked himself, trying again to quietly shake it off. Instead of letting a mental hiccup derail their conversation, Ren turned and looked around the room again, then answered Yusuke's question.

"All of it," Ren admitted with a soft laugh. "I've never seen anything like this before."

The light flush crept back to Yusuke's cheeks, and he ducked his head in what Ren assumed was a quiet thanks. "Well, let's try this then: do any pieces in particular grasp your attention? I will tell you about anything you ask," he offered.

For Ren, the first thing to come to mind was something he had already seen. Quietly, he crossed the room and stopped in front of the painting of the bird and the monstrous man. It leaned against the wall like it wasn't worthy of ceremony, but it really brought Ren a half-dozen questions about Yusuke and what had driven him to paint it. He'd also been drawn to the molten lava core, but the bluebird seemed more visceral. Even the lines in it were sharper and more jagged than anything else he'd seen in Yusuke's atelier. So, with a curious quirk of his eyebrow, he pointed at the painting and turned to look at Yusuke.

"Well, all of them, still," Ren confessed. "If I had to choose one, though, I'm drawn to this one."

It was almost like someone flicked a switch. Just as soon as the words escaped Ren's mouth, Yusuke's whole demeanor changed. The smile wilted, his eyes lost that sparkle, and whether or not he realized it, he was shrinking back. "Oh. That one."

To be honest, Yusuke didn't need to say anything more. Ren recognized the tone in his voice, the look on his face, and the slump of his posture. It was the same combination Ren always felt take him over when someone asked about the arrest, or when he saw Goro on TV. He frowned, guilt bubbling up over the fact that he hadn't gone for something a little simpler. There were dozens of other pieces around for him to ask about, and he had to choose the one that made Yusuke retreat? Maybe it was a subconscious desire to get to know his new friend better, but it wasn't worth the awkwardness in the room right now.

Before Ren could punish himself more, Yusuke's voice caught his attention. "To tell you the truth, I genuinely meant to put that one away," he admitted.

"Probably why I was drawn to it," Ren answered with a shrug. "People are always drawn to what they're not supposed to see, right?"

Yusuke sighed. "Indeed," he answered. "I can tell you about it, if you truly wish to know, but I—"

"No, you don't have to do that," Ren insisted, cutting him off mid-sentence.

With furrowing eyebrows, Yusuke said, "But I told you I'd tell you about anything..." then trailed off like he was trying to lead Ren.

Ren shook his head. "Maybe you did, but it's obvious that something's making you uncomfortable," he told Yusuke reassuringly. In fact, Yusuke still looked hesitant, so Ren continued. "It's cool, Yusuke. Really. You don't have to tell me. We don't know each other well, and if it's a personal story, then maybe we can talk about it once we know each other a little better, right?" He smiled. He wasn't going to deny a little curiosity, but he also wasn't going to push it.

The uncertainty on Yusuke's face faded into surprise, which then faded into a smile. "Are you certain you're friends with our mutual friends? You don't act like they do when it comes to things like this," he joked.

All Ren could do was laugh. It was hilarious, but mostly because it was true. "And it's _because_ of them that I don't push," he pointed out, and was unsurprised when Yusuke grinned in reply. "I've dealt with my own endless barrage of questions from them, trust me. I'm sure you know as well as I do that they have no idea what 'I don't want to talk about it' means, or when is good or bad to talk about stuff."

Both of them laughed, and Ren couldn't help but notice how nice Yusuke's face looked when he was laughing. The corners of his eyes crinkled a little bit, and his smile... his _smile_.

"We're quite lucky to have them in our lives, aren't we?" Yusuke spoke up again.

Ren smirked. "Don't tell them that, though."

Yusuke laughed, but as he did, Ren watched him slump down in his chair. As soon as he sat, he pushed the stray hairs from his face and took a glance at the clock on his phone. Ren watched his eyes shoot wide open, and then bite his lip nervously. "Heavens," he whispered. "I hope you'll pardon me. I don't think I'd realized exactly how long I'd been at it."

Quirking his brow curiously, Ren asked, "How long?"

A soft laugh passed Yusuke's lips, as he looked sheepishly down at the floor. "I, ah... don't think I stopped since I arrived at home last night," he confessed, casting Ren a glance up through his lashes and smiling bashfully.

While Ren was obviously taken aback by how beautiful Yusuke was, looking through his lashes like that, it was _also_ impossible to ignore the wave of concern crashing into him like he was standing in front of the ocean. Fortunately, the concern allowed him to ignore any awkwardness linked to appreciation for Yusuke's appearance. "Last night?!" he asked incredulously. "Have you eaten since then? Or slept?!"

Laughing sheepishly, Yusuke shook his head. "I tend to forget these things from time to time. When I'm painting, I often let less important things fall to the wayside." The confession came with another sheepish laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Food and sleep are less important to you?!" Ren asked incredulously.

Yusuke simply bit his lip and glanced at his hands where they sat folded in his lap. "If you find it at all comforting, you aren't the first to be perplexed by this," he told Ren. "The others quite frequently tell me not to work myself so hard, I just tend to end up lost to the world when I start painting."

It didn't make Ren feel any better. He smoothed a hand through his hair and sighed. "Have you bathed?"

"No. I seem to have gotten a decent amount of paint on my semi-formal clothing, as well." Yusuke's smile wilted as he spoke, embarrassment seeming to take full hold.

Ren chuckled softly. The polite thing probably would have been to leave, so Yusuke could eat, bathe, and sleep. It was a long train ride to get back to Yongen after such a short trip, but that was okay. Honestly, he would much rather have Yusuke take care of himself. "I can leave, if you want, so you can-"

"No!" Yusuke's answer came so abruptly that all Ren could do was blink. After a beat, Yusuke swallowed thickly and spoke a little bit calmer. "That is... I mean... no. You don't have to leave. Unless you want to." By the time he finished speaking, his cheeks were flushed bright pink, and he wasn't meeting Ren's eye at all. Instead, his eyes were focused on the painting Ren had asked about.

Shrugging one shoulder, Ren nodded. "That's fine. I don't mind," he answered. "I just thought maybe you were tired."

Though Yusuke shook his head, the slight bags under his eyes belied his words. If he wanted Ren to stay for a little while, though, Ren wasn't going to complain. In fact, instead of complaining, Ren took a glance over his shoulder to look at the mini-fridge and hot-plate next to the door. Raking his teeth over his lip, Ren nodded sharply to affirm his decision to himself. It wasn't what he was _used_ to cooking on, but as long as he had the right supplies, he could probably make it work. Yusuke hadn't eaten since the night before at Haru's party, so he had to try. With his decision made, he glanced back at Yusuke.

"If you want," Ren began, "you can go change into something more comfortable and I can make you some food."

Yusuke furrowed his brow. "You're a guest. You shouldn't have to—"

With a shake of his head, Ren interrupted, "I don't mind."

As Yusuke tugged the elastic from his hair, he cleared his throat and glanced over at the small cupboard near the door. "Ah. A rather kind offer, certainly, but a problem still remains. My plan was to go shopping for food this morning, but as you can likely guess, I never so much as made it to the door." He laughed awkwardly, then sighed. "I don't have much food right now."

Despite Ren's best attempts to remind himself that Yusuke's life was none of his business, he couldn't help but worry. He'd mentioned a penchant for getting lost in his work and letting things fall to the wayside, but this seemed like a little more than that. It seemed almost like obliviousness; like Yusuke had absolutely no idea what was going on in the world around him while he painted. He didn't take care of himself, he didn't lock his door... what else did he lose track of?

Shaking the concern away, Ren tried to be as nonchalant as he could, shrugging a shoulder. "Well, how about this, then?" he started. "While you change—"

"—and perhaps bathe..."

"And bathe," Ren continued, taking the 'perhaps' out of the equation entirely, "I can wait and look on my phone for somewhere in the area for us to eat. I'm a little hungry, too."

Again, Yusuke's expression fell. "Oh," he murmured. "That would be lovely, Ren, but I've budgeted my money out and I only have enough to get groceries, so—"

"My treat."

"I couldn't," Yusuke insisted.

Ren shook his head. "I don't mind. I got decent tip money yesterday, so I have a little more to play with than usual. Better to spend it on dinner with you than just let it sit there."

Yusuke was quiet for a couple seconds, seeming to ponder Ren's offer. "I... must admit, I'm torn," he said quietly. "Part of me wants to turn you down, because I feel guilty for asking you here and having nothing planned. The rest of me, though, truly enjoys your company and would like absolutely nothing more than to go to dinner together." By the end of his statement, his cheeks were flushing pink again.

Smirking, Ren mused, "The rest of you sounds like it's talking more sense than that first part."

With a soft breath of laughter, Yusuke glanced back down at the floor. He nodded his head once, as if deciding something, then glanced back up at Ren. "Very well then," he spoke with a little more confidence. "I will take you up on your offer. However, I will reaffirm yesterday's vow that someday, I shall repay you for all your kindnesses." He slowly stood from the chair and stretched just slightly.

Afterward, Yusuke told Ren to make himself at home, gathered some clothes from the dresser, then walked slowly toward the bathroom for his shower. Ren fished his phone from his pocket, sat down in Yusuke's chair, and sighed as he glanced around the room. It really was a modest apartment, for an artist as talented as Yusuke. How was he struggling so much? He was so talented; he could easily make limitless money if he tried to sell his art. Maybe he didn't want to sell it, though. Maybe he looked at his art like they were his children. Lots of artists thought of their art as fragmented pieces of their soul or something like that. Yusuke was as passionate as he was talented. That was probably the reason.

As he scrolled through restaurant options, Ren found himself considering Yusuke for a moment. They'd known each other for two days, but Ren already found himself stupidly attached. Haru's words played in his head again, telling him not to close himself off. Maybe, just maybe...

No. No, he couldn't let himself get attached any more than he already was. The second Yusuke found out about his history—about the Shido incident and about how Ren had no future—he'd want out. Their friendship would be over as fast as it had begun. Ren vowed to himself to try and keep himself at an arm's length. Yusuke could rely on Ren as much as he wanted, but Ren... Ren would keep his own history to himself. The price for sharing was always too steep, and he didn't want to pay it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boys, I swear.
> 
> Thanks to Pam and Treya for the beta!


	6. Break Off the Bough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _so, break off the bough,_  
>  _you want it all but you don't know how._  
>  _you're shakin' on an autumn tree;_  
>  _you take a little part of me._  
> [break off the bough](https://open.spotify.com/track/7rEUHSOMYdN2RHIsMpMjJn?si=M_Ih2TubRt-xBTRGr6ANRA) ;; cary brothers  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2l6kvAYT6Q) ]

For someone who was up all night painting, Ren couldn't help but muse that Yusuke seemed incredibly awake and alert. He wasn't really stumbling or acting like he was tired, and he was responsive and conversational when Ren talked to him. It made Ren wonder exactly how often he did this; how frequently he pulled all-nighters to finish paintings. Just as quickly as he started worrying, though, he forced himself to snap out of it. It wasn't his place to worry. He and Yusuke were new friends. Relative strangers. If Yusuke ever found out about Ren's level of worry, he'd definitely think it was weird.

_So, why are we walking down the street to a baozi cart just because he was hungry? And why did I feel the need to make sure he was well taken care of?_

Before he could chastise himself any further, Yusuke's voice dragged him out of his thoughts. "I have lived in Ueno for about three years now, and I have never been to this part of town," he admitted, his voice a little sheepish as he watched a group of young children giggling and running to a cotton candy cart.

The whole time they'd been walking, Yusuke had been doing just that. They would pass someone or something interesting, and suddenly it had Yusuke's full attention. Every now and then, Ren would watch as he lifted his hands and framed things in his fingers, like he had the stars in Haru's backyard. In the back of Ren's mind, he wondered if maybe that was how he decided whether things were worth painting or not. Whatever it was, it was just another quirk; another endearing thing to add to the list. At the moment, Yusuke was framing the street itself, getting a moving portrait of the Ueno food court.

Yusuke really was beautiful. Even more so now that he was in clean clothes and freshly showered. He looked like something out of a movie or a magazine. For a moment, it felt as though Ren's voice and response were both trapped in the deepest depths of his throat, in his lungs and pushing down against his heart. It made his chest feel a little tight, like it didn't quite want to fit in his body anymore. Finally, he tore his eyes away, glancing down at the street beneath his feet. Only then did he find his voice.

"It's kind of funny how that happens, honestly," Ren finally replied. "I've lived in Yongen since... well, since I was sixteen, but _permanently_ since I was eighteen. No matter how much time passes, I still find new things out about it all the time."

With a warm smile, Yusuke nodded his agreement as he framed a building across the street. "I suppose that's the beauty of the human condition, is it not? We have the ability to live out our lives in a small box, and still find new things in that box every day." He let his arms fall back to his sides, casting Ren a sidelong glance.

Ren met his gaze with a soft chuckle. "You find most of humanity beautiful, don't you?"

"I do," Yusuke admitted with a nod. "Even the so-called uglier bits have plenty of beauty in them. If you can't find the beauty in something, you just need to shift your perspective. The human eye is like a kaleidoscope. If something strikes a wrong chord in one light, just look at it in a different one and you'll find the beauty."

All Ren could do was grin a little wider. "That's a really nice way to look at it," he mused.

Yusuke quirked his head to the side. "You think so?" he asked. "Most people just call it strange."

"Well, it is strange," Ren agreed, but he kept his tone gentle so Yusuke wouldn't think he meant it in a bad way. "But, think about it. If the 'ugly' things in life can be beautiful, don't you think the same can be said about the strange things?"

The smile on Yusuke's face softened even more, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he glanced back out at the world around them, raking his teeth over his lip and biting down for a moment. It was obvious to Ren that the gears in his head were turning, but he wasn't saying any of it aloud.

Ren couldn't deny his curiosity, though. "What?" he asked.

Shrugging, Yusuke answered in a voice so soft only Ren could hear. "Most of the time, people hear me talking about things like this and think _I'm_ strange. Insane. That there's nothing in my brain but art. You called _it_ strange, but not me. Not to mention, the way you said it leads me to believe you see it as a good thing," he admitted sheepishly.

"I do," Ren agreed. "Strange keeps life from getting boring or monotonous. Everyone is different. If we were all the same, imagine how uniform life would be? All art would be the same. All music would be the same. All dance would be the same."

Nodding eagerly, Yusuke's eyes lit up like fireworks. "I feel much the same!" he admitted excitedly. "That's why I always look at people and seek out the eccentricities. I try and _find_ their flaws and so-called faults. There's a term for it in aesthetics; it's called wabi-sabi."

Of course there was a term for it, and of course Yusuke knew exactly what that term was. Ren chuckled softly and smoothed a hand through his hair as they stopped at a nearby crosswalk. "So, everyone you know has something 'wabi-sabi' about them, then?" he asked, lifting his fingers to put air-quotes around the phrase.

Yusuke hummed an affirmative answer and nodded.

"Even me?" Ren asked.

With a wry little smile, Yusuke nodded again. "Indeed."

Curiosity had Ren raising his eyebrows as they continued across the street. The food court was close, but this conversation was interesting, so Ren couldn't help but subconsciously slow his step when they reached the other side of the road. "I'm pretty curious," he admitted with a bashful chuckle. "What's wabi-sabi about me?" Saying the word sounded a little bit silly, but truth be told, Ren didn't really care. Yusuke wasn't going to judge him.

Yusuke met his gaze for a solid three seconds, seemingly assessing him, before grinning and turning his eyes back to the street before them. "Well, I haven't known you for long, but from what I've seen so far, you seem to care about people to a stronger degree than most others I know," he answered. "You're kind, which in and of itself isn't odd, I suppose. What is odd is how you balance that kindness with a very guarded nature. You care very deeply for people, but it seems like you don't want them to care for you in return. It leads me to believe there's a mystery beneath your surface waiting to be discovered."

With wide eyes, Ren swallowed nervously. "A mystery?" he asked.

Again, Yusuke nodded. "To me, it seems like you like to know people, without letting them truly know you in return. This is just my observation, of course, as someone who has just met you." He trailed off, sliding his hands into his pants pockets.

Ren went silent, chewing on his lip as they entered the food court and walked toward the meat bun stand on the other side. He swallowed that same sneaking lump, pushing it back from his throat, and laughed to himself. Yusuke was very astute. It seemed like he knew people pretty well. That made sense, Ren supposed. As an artist, Yusuke needed to be in touch with emotions and people. Still, to Ren, having a laser-powered focus like that turned on him was a little bit jarring. Yusuke was right. Ren did like to keep his guard up, especially with people whose presence he valued. In Ren's mind, the closer Yusuke got to the real him, the less time they had as friends.

Yet, he still couldn't convince himself to give that closeness up.

"I also see something behind your eyes," Yusuke continued with a nod. "Behind your glasses and beyond the guard you keep. Or, perhaps it's peeking through them."

Ren turned to look at him again. "You do?" he asked.

Nodding, Yusuke continued. "You're one of the kindest people I have ever met, and you're very guarded, but somewhere in there, there is a generous helping of mischief boiling. I can sense the dimmed but ever-present spark of a trickster. It gives your eyes a bright and fiery passion, and draws people to you."

Despite Ren's best effort, he couldn't help but feel warmth spreading across his cheeks. "O-oh. Uh... wow. That's... that's some artist's eye you have there," he murmured nervously.

"I won't ask why you keep your guard up," Yusuke continued. "Nor will I think myself worthy of seeing what's past it, especially since we're relative strangers. However, I think it's remarkable how you always offer your hand to others, while trying to keep them from seeing that you may need their hand as well. It's incredibly brave, the way you offer kindness but never accept it."

Ren laughed halfheartedly. "Oh. Thank-"

Before Ren could finish, Yusuke cut him off. "It's remarkable, but it must be very lonely," he added. "I'm sure the people who love you are willing to share your burden."

To be honest, Ren didn't even know how to begin coming up with a reply. He knew Yusuke was right, of course. His friends, Sojiro, and the people around him were always willing to share burdens with him. They always encouraged him to open up and poked for a little more information than he was willing to give. The problem ran deeper than that, though. It wasn't that Ren didn't _want_ people to know him—it wasn't that he didn't want to share his burdens or that he wanted to try to carry them all alone—it was just a deep-seated, long-lingering fear of losing people and being alone.

By the time he collected his thoughts enough to say as much, they were at the front of the line at the meat bun cart and a taciturn middle-aged man was barking at them to place their order. The voice snapped Ren out of his trance, and he told Yusuke to order his food first. Once they'd both ordered, paid, and gotten their food, they came to the decision to find a quiet place to eat.

Of course, a problem remained. The Ueno streets were busy in the late evening. Families wandered around together, groups of teenagers chased each other through the food court, and the couples... oh the couples. Each second that passed, it seemed like the crowd was only getting bigger. Finding a quiet place would be a struggle at this point. Ren went quiet and pondered it. Yusuke's words sprang to his mind, about how he had the spark of the trickster in his eyes, and he started thinking a little further outside the box. All the benches and seats were mostly full, anyway.

Then he saw it. It wasn't like it was really even hiding, it was just a place one wouldn't typically think of to sit and eat a meal. With a smirk on his lips, he turned to look at Yusuke.

"Hey. Follow me," Ren called, beckoning for Yusuke to join him.

Much to Ren's surprise, Yusuke followed him without hesitation. "Where are we going?" he asked.

Ren used his free hand to loosely grasp Yusuke's hand and tug him off the beaten path and down a side alley. "Trust me, okay?" He smiled warmly.

Yusuke nodded. "Very well," he answered with a shy smile.

When they got to the fire escape, Ren released Yusuke's hand as they started the climb. It was only a five-story building, but it had a decorative parapet that was perfect for sitting on and had a perfect view of the food court and all the people they'd just been surrounded by. They sat on the very edge of the parapet, and Ren couldn't help but smile at how nice it was up here. They were probably breaking dozens of rules, but no one had seen them climb the fire escape and now it didn't look like anyone down below even noticed them. Ren turned to look at Yusuke, and his smile only grew.

The contented smile on Yusuke's face as he unwrapped his meat bun from its bag was more reward than even the view. "A magnificent idea, Ren," he announced as he crossed his ankles and got more comfortable. "I truly feel as though I'm atop the world from up here."

"A pretty good people watching spot, huh?" Ren asked before taking a slow sip from his soda.

Yusuke nodded eagerly. "I'm rather fond of watching people," he told Ren through a full mouth. "When I'm in need of a creative burst, it can occasionally provide me with exactly what I need."

There was something endearing about the way Yusuke talked through a full mouth while still trying to uphold his flowery and elegant manner of speech. Ren couldn't stifle a soft laugh as he turned to glance back down at the crowd below them. Truthfully, he could see how Yusuke could find inspiration through other people. There were dozens of conversations happening down there, and each one was probably different. Each person probably had different motivations and it felt almost like there were endless possibilities. With a smile, he turned to glance back at Yusuke.

"Did you try it this past time? When you were having trouble?"

Just as quickly as the smile on Yusuke's face appeared, it dropped away like it had never been there at all. He ran a hand through his hair, pulling that same small cluster of bangs from the ponytail, and raked his teeth over his lip. "Truth be told," he started, "I'm a little concerned. I feel as though my artistic well has been tapped dry. For so long, I've gotten by on recreating what I see, and sometimes I feel like I've painted all there is to paint; that I have nothing left to share."

Ren shook his head. "I doubt that."

With a bitter laugh, Yusuke shrugged a shoulder. "It used to be much simpler, when I was a child. My sensei would tell me to observe people, or to listen to their conversations, and gather inspiration from that. They would say or do something that resonated with me, and then I would go home and in two days, I would have a new piece." He punctuated his sentence by taking a bite of his meat bun.

"But that doesn't work anymore..." Ren didn't need to ask. He could safely assume. It was pretty clear from Yusuke's reaction.

Yusuke shook his head. "Alas, no." He sighed sadly. "I still people-watch just as much as I used to. I still see and hear things I find interesting. None of it is quite so interesting as to send me to my atelier with an idea strong enough to create a new painting, though."

In the silence between them, Ren could hear the echoes of dozens of conversations coming up from below. None of them really registered on his radar, though. All he could think of was Yusuke's circumstances. Something had to have happened to create the problem. Immediately, Ren's mind jumped back to the bird painting he'd seen earlier. Yusuke's reaction had been instantaneous and visceral. He hadn't wanted to share exactly what the painting meant, but he had a feeling it was directly related to this conversation and why he was having so much trouble creating.

"Who says inspiration has to come from outside of you, though?" Ren asked, instead of just diving into the subject and going for the gold. "I mean, sure. Lots of people create based on what they see. That's definitely a valid art form and it's interesting to see what people think of human interaction from the outside. But what about something more... introspective, you know? Something you've created based on what _you_ feel and think?"

Yusuke seemed shocked. "Me?" he asked.

The reaction in and of itself was sort of telling. Ren didn't say as much, though. Instead, he nodded. "I'm not asking you to tell me what you think or what's going on inside your mind or heart or anything. Like you said, we're pretty much strangers, so I can't imagine you'd be comfortable telling me something so personal. But to create what I saw back there, you've obviously got strong feelings and thoughts. Maybe..." He paused, shrugged, and turned to watch Yusuke's reaction. "Maybe you could draw or paint something that relates to you, not to other people. You don't even have to tell anyone what it is. It can be your little secret."

"Art about myself," Yusuke murmured quietly.

Ren nodded. "Yeah. Your work is incredible. I was curious about everything I saw, even if most of it _was_ observation. I can only imagine what you could do with an introspective piece," he offered.

For a moment, Yusuke was quiet again. He filled the silence by taking another bite from his food and a long, slow sip from his drink. When he finally spoke, there was no shortage of sadness in his voice. "My sensei was always adamant about the fact that people wouldn't be interested in my crazy thoughts. From time to time, I find myself feeling almost as though there's a caged animal inside my mind, screaming and rattling at the cage in a desperate but feeble attempt to escape." He laughed bitterly. "That's when I inevitably give in and allow myself to paint an introspective piece. I never share them, though. Nor do I allow the mood to last long."

It took Ren a second to wrap his mind around what Yusuke was saying, but when he did, his brows furrowed. "Wait." He held his index finger up, then arched an eyebrow. "Your sensei told you people wouldn't be interested in what you think?"

Yusuke nodded. "Yes. One of the first things he taught me was that..." He paused, and when he continued there was an obvious strain in his voice, like the words he was saying pained him to even think, "My thoughts and feelings were less important than being marketable."

"Well, that's stupid."

At first, Yusuke's eyes shot wide open. Then, he blinked, and asked, "Pardon?"

Ren wasn't fazed, though. He shook his head and murmured, "That's... really stupid, Yusuke." It was one of the stupidest things Ren had ever heard, actually. "I can tell by the way you said it that you don't agree with him, too. That you don't think it's true." Though he'd stopped talking, he urged Yusuke to answer with his eyes.

Unsurprisingly, the answer was a little stunted. "I..." Yusuke stammered.

But Ren was insistent. "Marketability over passion? Marketability over actually caring about what you're creating? Does that really sound like art to you?" he asked.

"I... I suppose not, but—"

Ren shook his head. "No buts about it, Yusuke," he continued. "Okay, I'm just going, to be honest here. All of your art is amazing. It's incredible. Unlike anything I've seen before. The two paintings I was drawn to the most, though? I bet those were two of the ones you did introspectively. The one with the bird in the cage, and the molten lava core."

Red tinged Yusuke's cheeks, and he clamped down hard on his lower lip. "You saw that one, too..." he mumbled.

Before Yusuke could worry himself any more, Ren nodded and smiled. "Yeah, and it's amazing. You know why it's amazing? Because I can tell there's more behind it than observation. There's passion, emotion, real _feeling_ there. I can tell it's you, and not someone else. That's why I'm interested in it." The implications of what he was saying didn't even occur to him at the moment. "I'm not saying give up observational art, because you're amazing at that, too. Introspective art, though? If you let more of you shine through? You're opening yourself up to a literal wellspring of inspiration, Yusuke. Think about it."

It seemed like thinking about it was exactly what Yusuke did. He went quiet as he finished his meal, then combed his fingers through his hair. It was no wonder his hair was such a mess when Ren had shown up at his apartment. Even then, though, he'd looked amazing. Even when he was messy with paint, with disastrous hair... he was still the most beautiful person Ren had ever seen. Now, though... as Ren watched him worry his lip between his teeth and tuck his loose hair behind his ear, Ren was all the more certain that no one in the entire world was quite as beautiful as Yusuke Kitagawa.

"I must admit," Yusuke started, finally breaking the silence as he set his empty cup down next to him. "When sensei told me that no one was interested in what I thought, I was disappointed. Over the years, I reasoned it away as feeling insulted. I never gave much consideration to the thought that he could be wrong. He was the expert after all, and I was lucky to be in his tutelage."

Ren couldn't help but wonder what teacher would be worth being insulted in that way. "Who was your sensei? Do you mind me asking?"

Yusuke seemed surprised. "Ah. Of course not," he shook his head. "Forgive me for not mentioning it sooner. I studied under Ichiryusai Madarame from when I was old enough to hold a pencil or brush, until two years ago."

Blinking rapidly, Ren tried to shake off the wave of shock. "Wait. Madarame. Like... _the_ Madarame?!" he asked, his eyes shooting wide open suddenly.

To say Yusuke's reaction wasn't what Ren would have expected was an understatement. Ren would have expected pride, maybe even an expression of honor to work under someone as prestigious as Madarame. Yusuke, on the other hand, looked dejected as he stared blankly out at the horizon. He nodded glumly, then murmured, "Yes."

Ren swallowed nervously. "Wait. He died recently, didn't he?" That would explain a lot, he reasoned. Yusuke's slump, his current crisis...

"Yes, he did," Yusuke answered solemnly, "and I have mixed feelings on the matter."

It seemed like Ren didn't even need to voice his curiosity. Yusuke looked at him, seemed to recognize the expression on his face, pursed his lips in thought, and then continued. "It's difficult to explain," he admitted. "I'm aware that most of the world would look upon it as an honor to work with someone of Madarame's caliber. I did too for much of my life, and a rather large part of me still does, in fact. But I..." He trailed off, sighing softly and rubbing his eyes with his fingertips. It looked almost like the exhaustion was starting to catch up to him, but after that brief flash, he pushed it back down again.

"You don't have to tell m-"

Yusuke cut him off and shook his head. "No, I do. The others know, and I would much rather you hear the situation from me than from someone else," he explained.

With a sigh, and before Ren could stop him again, Yusuke launched into his story. "As I mentioned, I trained under Madarame from when I was three or four, until two years ago. I was nineteen, so I was there for around fifteen years. It was... much longer than his students typically lasted," he admitted sadly. "They... cracked under the strain of never being encouraged to create their own work, or never being able to produce something good enough to make Madarame proud. Many of them left. Some of them..." He trailed off and turned his eyes to the skies, like he was looking up to the heavens.

Ren frowned. He didn't need to be told what that meant.

"I felt similarly most of the time," Yusuke admitted. "I was never given the option to leave, and Madarame always praised me just enough to keep my confidence above the point where I would take more drastic action. I resigned myself to that life, to stay in his tutelage as long as he would have me, and convinced myself I was fortunate to have someone like Madarame see me as worthy of his time." He paused, resting his elbows on his knees and placing his head in his hands. He looked straight down, past his feet and too the sidewalk below. "I think I would still be there now, had I not found some information I was incapable of ignoring.

"When I was a child—I believe I was two or three, or so I was told—my mother passed away. I never knew who my father was, but Madarame took us both in when I was just born, after seeing my mother's potential as an artist. I was told that my mother was young, and also very ill. Even so, she was another of his students, until the day she died. I'm still not entirely sure how she died, honestly. All the research I've done shows that it was a result of a random seizure. My mother may have been sickly, but from what I've looked up, her seizures were never random. All the records I read told me they were always brought on by flashing lights or rapid body movement. I found out two years ago that there was an investigation into Madarame for foul play, but he was never brought to trial."

Ren blinked. "Wait. What?" he asked, completely shocked.

Yusuke nodded. "Madarame knew of my mother's condition, and told the detectives investigating that there were no flashing lights in the studio and that my mother was always careful not to move too quickly and set herself off," he continued. "Anyone who studied with Madarame at the same time as she did said he started acting quite strangely after she passed, though. When I asked, they said he acted suspiciously. Like a man with something to hide."

The whole situation sounded suspicious, definitely. Ren frowned. "So, you think he killed her?"

"Yes," Yusuke admitted. "Well, yes and no. It's... it's slightly more layered than that." He raised his head, but didn't turn to meet Ren's eye yet.

Nothing was ever simple. Ren nodded, then urged him to continue. "How so?"

The frown on Yusuke's face drew deeper. "You don't believe me," he murmured under his breath.

Ren shook his head adamantly. "No, I never said that," he insisted. "I didn't know Madarame, or what he was like. You did, so obviously you would know better than I could. You said it was more layered than that. What do you mean?"

Slowly, Yusuke turned his head away to look down at the crowd below them. "He... told me it was an accident," he continued sadly. "He said she had a seizure, and that he tried to save her, but nothing could be done. Shortly thereafter, I dug into the medical records with Sae-san's help, and they didn't show anything like that. Logic dictates that there would have been signs if he tried to help her, or at least that he tried to revive her afterward... but there was nothing. And... she died."

"Yusuke..." Ren reached out and placed a hand on Yusuke's shoulder as a tangible show of comfort.

Thankfully, Yusuke didn't shy away. He simply lifted his head from his hands, and placed his hands on his knees. "I didn't believe him. I wanted to believe him. I _desperately_ wanted to believe him, but I couldn't. None of it added up quite right, but even so, I couldn't accuse him without knowing for sure. So... so, I did the only thing I could do..." he murmured in a voice so quiet, Ren was struggling to hear it.

Ren squeezed Yusuke's shoulder, quietly urging him to continue, before letting his hand fall back to his side. He probably could have said something and urged Yusuke on that way, but this felt much more appropriate to the situation. Yusuke already seemed to be struggling, and sometimes when someone was suffering, they needed to feel the comfort of knowing for sure that someone was there with him, and would be no matter what happened. Ren was more than willing to provide that to Yusuke.

"I ran away," Yusuke finally continued. "Well, I suppose... it wasn't exactly running away since I was an adult. I suppose that simply means that I moved out. I never gave Madarame so much as a notice. Maybe it was a little childish, but I simply couldn't deal with the duplicity. Working with him was never a walk in the park, but the knowledge of the mere possibility that he could have had something to do with my mother's death... it was truly the straw that broke the camel's back."

With a nod, Ren intimated, "You just couldn't take it anymore."

Yusuke simply shook his head.

"I don't think anyone could fault you for that, Yusuke," Ren consoled him.

When all it earned was a self-deprecating laugh from Yusuke, though, Ren figured it wasn't exactly simple. Slowly, tentatively, Ren reached his hand over and placed it on top of Yusuke's. He didn't grab Yusuke's hand or anything; he simply let his hand rest atop his friend's in a gentle show of support. He genuinely hoped it would be welcome. To Ren's surprise, Yusuke still didn't shy away from his touch. In fact, Yusuke made no effort whatsoever to move. He simply took a glance at their hands, then looked back up at Ren with a bashful smile on his face.

Just as quickly as Yusuke's smile showed up, though, it faded back into sadness again. "Madarame certainly blamed me. He didn't take kindly to my departure, naturally. Once I was gone, he tried to destroy my credibility, and any chance I had to be taken seriously as an artist. I nearly lost my scholarship at TIA, and as it stands, I'm hanging on by a thread. I've managed to keep my marks high enough to stay in their good graces, and I'm creating enough to make them proud, but I fear... if my slump continues..." He trailed off, glancing back down at the ground beneath their feet and sighing.

Ren shrugged his head to the side. "Seems to me the only reason you were having trouble creating is because you were following what he taught you, though," he pointed out.

Whatever reply Yusuke might have given seemed to die on his tongue. His eyes widened, then he blinked them rapidly. It was almost like no one had told him this before, or like he hadn't even considered it himself. As it dawned on him, exactly how accurate the assessment was, he turned to look at Ren. The light in his eyes was almost enough to knock Ren flat. It was just as gorgeous now as it had been the night before, when Ren had somehow managed to inspire him.

Before any negativity had a chance to crash through, Ren continued. "If you ask me, leaving a place where you were lied to and used like that, and your mom was..." He paused, then turned to look away from Yusuke. "Well, I think it was the right thing to do. You were brave to do it, just like you were brave to try and get answers from Madarame. Now... all you have to do is be brave and dip into that wellspring. 'Cause I think, when you do, you'll really prove him wrong."

Without even really thinking about it, Ren squeezed Yusuke's hand.

Yusuke's smile slowly found its way back, and he met Ren's eyes again. "Do you truly believe that?" he asked.

Ren nodded without hesitation. "If those pieces I saw back at your place are any indication? No question," he grinned.

A second passed, then Yusuke turned his hand so their palms were touching. His opposite hand joined the other, and he clasped Ren's hand between both of his own in gratitude. "I have only known you for all of two days, and you've done more for me than most anyone I've ever had in my life."

When Yusuke's grip loosened, and his hands fell back to his side, Ren hesitated for a moment before letting his own hand fall back into place. For a second, Ren had stupidly allowed himself to think, or maybe to hope, that Yusuke would twine their fingers and hold his hand. It was hard to fight against the wave of disappointment as it overcame him, but fight he did. Maybe Ren could have done it himself, but for the brief moment their palms had touched, he was a little too surprised. Despite the still-present desire to tug Yusuke's hand back to him, Ren knew it was for the best. He shook it off and pasted a smile back onto his face.

"You don't have to thank me," Ren answered when he finally found his voice.

In a soft tone, Yusuke intimated, "A truly kind soul. Nothing I've said has ever been closer to the truth."

They locked eyes then, and Yusuke's expression was just so happy—so _beautiful_ —that Ren smiled back without even realizing it. Only then did he realize: it wasn't just Ann's words making him think he liked Yusuke. Sure, there was a level of physical attraction; Ren would have to be stupid not to think Yusuke was gorgeous, after all. Aside from that, Ren couldn't help but gravitate toward the kindness and warmth that almost seemed to radiate from Yusuke in waves. Yusuke's life had been lonely so far, but he still had it in him to be kind and warm, and Ren couldn't help but be attracted to that.

Unfortunately, for countless reasons, not the least of which was the newness of their friendship and Ren's own fear of rejection... Yusuke could never know. It wouldn't be too difficult to keep secret. It wasn't like the feelings _overwhelmed_ him or anything. All he had to do was proceed like normal, and everything would be fine...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're slowly moving toward some feels! Very... slowly... :|
> 
> Thanks to Treya and Pam for looking this over as usual! ♥


	7. Of The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _rhythm is a dancer; it's a soul's companion,_  
>  _people feel it everywhere._  
>  _lift your hands and voices; free your mind and join us._  
>  _you can feel it in the air._  
> [of the night](https://open.spotify.com/track/4ChPCenV2NfKlAOWNjTTXV?si=Vc-NfclPR-axQhwyvaJHjg) ;; bastille  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCTDKLjdok4) ]

It was almost closing time. Ren and Futaba had agreed to cover Sojiro's shift for the evening, because—much to Ren's satisfaction—he and Kawakami had a third date that night. Kawakami had texted him a few nights ago, revealing to him that she was fully aware that they'd been set up and thanking him for it. At first, all it did was prove to him that he should've set them up much earlier. They were a good match, and Kawakami already seemed a ton happier. Ren could even sense the change in mood through text message, and it really nice to see. Both of them deserved to be happy, and they'd be great together.

Futaba went home a couple hours ago to go on some sort of anime binge with Mishima and her other friends, leaving Ren to close Leblanc alone. Usually, he'd be a little bit bored, but he knew Yusuke was coming over soon so they could go out to dinner and a movie, so he was actually pretty excited.

Ren's mood was better than he recalled it being in a while, as he wiped a small curry spill from behind the counter. Before he even realized it, his hips were swaying in time to the music over Leblanc's speakers. At first, he stopped himself. Dancing usually made him feel a little bit bitter, a little sad and wistful when he thought of what could have been. At the moment, though, his mood was so good that he couldn't even focus on any of the negativity. He shook his head hard, dispelling the negative thoughts and allowing the happiness to take hold. It was weird, but nice, and it wasn't long before he found himself dancing again.

Even if he wasn't sure he'd ever feel okay to dance in front of people again... maybe dancing once in a while when he was by himself was okay.

The dance started subtly, just a gentle swaying of his hips and a tapping of his foot to the beat with no rhyme or reason to them, but then the music changed. The song was mid-tempo, and it had a good rhythm, and before he knew it, he was pulling out a whole bunch of moves and knowledge he hadn't used in years. Suddenly, he found himself unable to keep from spot-choreographing a little dance to go along with it. It was impromptu, and it probably wasn't very good, but it was something he did in his head all the time; when he listened to music that resonated with him, he would mentally find steps to match with it. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't.

This time, the music moved him, and he found himself practicing a bunch of old moves he hadn't even _thought_ about since he was in high school. Between the rust and the fact that he was restricted by the limited space behind the Leblanc counter, he couldn't really stretch as far or as well as he used to at first. Still, he found himself enjoying it just as much as he used to.

_One, two, three, arms up, spin, spin, sharp stop, second position. Third position, two, three, four, hands forward, spin, spin, kick-out spin-_

Ren stopped suddenly, when spatial awareness made him realize that perhaps kicking his leg out behind a narrow counter wasn't the best idea. He laughed to himself, glancing at the speaker and rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. He'd forgotten where he was for a second. He turned the speakers down and then took a glance out around the shop, expecting to see the usual empty Leblanc.

Unfortunately, he was wrong. He'd been caught.

Standing in what had formerly been an empty entryway was Yusuke, with his bag on the floor and a sketchpad held against his arm. He wasn't looking at Ren, nor did he really seem to be focused on anything around him other than the paper in his hand. Ren clamped down hard on his lower lip and watched him for a second, before finally deciding to speak up and get his attention.

After clearing his throat, Ren called, "Yusuke?"

Just like back at Yusuke's apartment, his friend didn't answer immediately. He seemed just as focused on his drawing as he had been on the painting. His pencil moved at a furious pace, creating shapes Ren didn't quite recognize from this distance.

Ren tilted his head in curiosity, then cleared his throat. "Yusuke?" he repeated.

Yusuke looked up briefly, gray eyes peeking through thick lashes and only catching Ren's gaze for a brief second. "Hm?" he finally replied. Not exactly the response Ren was expecting.

"You didn't see that," Ren gestured dismissively to the space he'd been dancing in, "did you?" he decided to ask, rather than tip-toeing around the topic. If Yusuke had seen him, it was just another fire he would have to put out.

Unfortunately, it seemed like the fire was raging pretty strongly. Yusuke's brows furrowed, and he finally pulled his attention completely from whatever he'd been drawing. He slid his pencil into the rings of his notebook, before hugging it to his chest with the page he'd been drawing on hidden from Ren's view. "If by 'that' you mean your dance, then yes I did," he answered. "And it was breathtaking."

"Don't exaggerate," Ren shook his head and laughed at his own expense. "It wasn't anything special. I'm not anywhere close to pro."

Not exactly a whole truth, and Ren knew that full well. He was trained pretty well. He'd danced from when he was two years old to when he was sixteen, and his arrest had forced him out of lessons. All those years, he was the star dancer in all of his classes. In his mind, he likened it to the way Yusuke felt about painting. It was something he was born to do and something he loved to do, something he took to as naturally as he breathed.

Still, there were very few people in Ren's life who had actually seen him dance. Back when he was younger, he was always the only kid in his classes who had no parents at his lessons. He had friends there—his babysitters Yukiko and Chie would often show up with their friends to cheer him on—but it was damn near impossible to get his parents to show up. The people he was closest with _now_ would probably be willing to go to exhibitions, but he wasn't in any classes anymore and he didn't really like to dance casually, so they never really had the chance to see him.

Yusuke's voice tugged him out of that sad spiral before it had a chance to take root any further. "No," he countered with a shake of his head. "It was magnificent, Ren! Your movements were languid and flowing when they needed to be, but sharp and powerful in all the right places! You didn't miss a beat, and I could see in your eyes that you were having fun."

The smile on Yusuke's face was the only thing pushing Ren to speak up. "I... I was," he admitted sheepishly. "I like to dance."

As Yusuke sat at the counter and placed his elbows on the surface, he continued. "It showed. I felt almost as though I was watching an idol, or perhaps an idol's backup dancer. Are you trained?"

This time, Ren hesitated before answering. He hadn't really even _talked_ about his history as a dancer since he told the others that he used to dance. He'd made sure he was vague enough for them all to think he'd only danced as a casual hobby, although he was pretty sure they all had an inkling that he wasn't being completely honest. At the very least, Futaba probably knew because Sojiro knew. Makoto was too smart to be fooled, which most likely meant that Ann knew, too. Ryuji and Haru weren't stupid either, and they both knew him pretty well, so he could only assume they'd figured it out, too.

Yusuke deserved the truth, both for that reason and because of how open and honest he'd been with Ren about everything so far. With that in mind, Ren desperately tried to pull his mind from the anxious fog he'd created around it. Maybe the way he'd picked up his cleaning rag and wiped the counter was a little bit too nonchalant, but he didn't think Yusuke would say anything if he did notice.

So, Ren nodded. "Yeah, I started dance lessons as soon as I could turn without falling over." He laughed, turning his back to Yusuke and straightening out a few coffee displays that didn't even really need straightening. "I took lessons until I was sixteen, and competed all the way from middle school to high school. I think it was to me what art is to you."

Was. Took. Competed. He made sure everything stayed past tense in an attempt to further separate himself from what he'd lost.

When he turned back around, Yusuke was looking at him with fascination sparkling in his eyes. "What genres did you train in?" he asked as he took the pencil from the top of his sketchbook again. "Dance is fascinating to me, especially given how it can relate to art. There are so many dynamic poses in dance that I can't quite find anywhere else."

Admittedly, Ren was curious as to what Yusuke was drawing, but he stowed that curiosity for now in favor of answering Yusuke's question. "Um," he shrugged, "well, I learned a lot. I did some ballet, theatrical dance, tap, some hip hop, some lyrical jazz, freestyle, and a hell of a lot of ballroom." He chuckled again. "My favorites were probably ballet, theatrical, and freestyle, though."

"Why is that?" Yusuke asked, his pencil moving wildly along the page.

Ren shrugged. "Ballet because it's elegant, and it's sort of the base of all dance," he explained. "Theatrical because it's sort of... extravagant and fun, and freestyle because it gave me the chance to showcase everything I'd learned everywhere else."

Again, Yusuke seemed almost to be hanging on everything he was saying. He glanced up from his sketch, then nodded. "The training really shows. There were things in there that I have never seen anyone do before," he told Ren.

Shrugging again, Ren continued in his quest to clean things that probably didn't need cleaning and attempted to keep his eyes from Yusuke's expression. "That? I mean, there were influences of rumba and a lot of hip hop in there, and definitely some ballet, but... I probably could've added some different stuff, too," he murmured dismissively. "I don't know how much you saw, though."

"Enough to know that I wish to see more," Yusuke answered. "You're quite a gifted dancer, Ren."

Ren laughed awkwardly and shrugged. "I'm okay. I'm out of practice, though. I was better when I was younger. You should've seen me then," he puffed out a bitter laugh. "I was a total teacher's pet. I think some of the other students were jealous." Even though Ren wasn't looking, he could still feel Yusuke's eyes on him. Normally, that wouldn't have bothered him, but he could almost hear all the unasked questions.

The asked questions weren't much better, though. "Well, why not look for classes in the area and pick it up again?" Yusuke asked him, his voice soft and encouraging.

"No," Ren answered. "N-no, I couldn't. I can't. That part of my life is behind me."

Yusuke's answer was mired in a tonal shift so strong it almost seemed to make the whole room's aura change. "Why not?" he asked in surprise. "You clearly still have the talent and the passion."

Every time Ren tried to keep someone from learning this story, it always reared its head and thrust its way out into the open. It was only a matter of time—Ren was fully aware that he could only keep the situation secret for so long before _something_ revealed it all to Yusuke—but Ren just wished he'd had more. Swallowing nervously, he turned back to Yusuke, who was looking at him curiously and encouragingly. There wasn't a hint of judgment in his eyes, no knowledge of exactly how dismal Ren's situation was and exactly _why_ he was so desperate to keep him from knowing.

The trust Yusuke placed in Ren was exactly why he needed to know exactly how much of a lost cause Ren was sooner than later. Swallowing back doubt, Ren shrugged his head and glanced down at the floor. "I... well..."

Ren was about to dive into the whole story, he really was. He was going to tell Yusuke everything, from the arrest to exactly how much it had screwed up his life and how there was nothing he could do to fix it. As he searched his mind for where to begin, though, the Leblanc door swung open and the hanging bell rang, echoing throughout the room and cutting the silence created by Ren's hesitation. Maybe he should have been grateful, but he was fully aware that it was only prolonging the inevitable.

As Dr. Takemi walked into Leblanc, casting Yusuke a sidelong glance as she passed him, Ren watched Yusuke turn back to his drawing and completely block the rest of the world out again. Ren found himself unsure of whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. Probably a little bit of both. Tae seemed completely oblivious to what she'd walked in on, until she glanced up at Ren, who had unsubtly turned his gaze up to the ceiling.

When his gaze finally fell and landed on Tae, he saw her glancing down the counter at Yusuke. "The artist is back again, hm?" she asked casually. "Hadn't seen him in a while."

Ren huffed a laugh and tilted his head to the side. "He can probably hear you, you know," he deadpanned.

Shaking her head, Tae waved a hand in Yusuke's direction. "Nah. Sojiro and I had a whole conversation about what he might've been drawing one time, and he never looked up. Either he heard us and wasn't saying anything, or he was too absorbed in his art. I'm gonna guess he was too absorbed. That's the face of someone who's really into what they're doing." She pointed her thumb at him.

A little smile spread across Ren's face as he glanced at Yusuke. As soon as Ren's eyes landed on him, that same piece of hair fell from his ponytail and into his eyes, and Ren couldn't prevent his smile from widening just slightly. The conversation they'd inevitably have when Tae left still lingered in the back of his mind, but for now, he allowed himself the chance to appreciate exactly how beautiful Yusuke really was.

"He does tend to get a little absorbed in his art," Ren told Tae as he turned to look back at her.

When he did, though, he almost wished he hadn't. Tae had a knowing smirk on her face, and she turned to glance back at Yusuke for a split second. "He's your type," she told Ren.

Ren's reaction was probably more telling than anything. As soon as Tae stopped talking, he narrowed his eyes and shook his head adamantly. Probably a little bit too adamantly, if he was completely honest with himself. "I don't have a type."

"Yeah you do," Tae countered, an incredulous look in her eye. "Everyone has a type, and even if that wasn't true, you absolutely do."

As much as Ren wanted to deny it, and tell her she was way off base, the heat creeping across his face probably told her exactly how right she was. "Oh? If I have a type, what is it, then?" he asked her, trying to maintain incredulity but probably failing miserably.

Tae shrugged. "Thinkers," she told him, tapping her head to signify thought. "Cute thinkers. People with hidden depths. You can tell he's got 'em just by watching how he looks at that drawing."

"Oh..." Ren murmured.

She nodded. "Yeah. He's a lot cuter than your last boyfriend, though," she added.

The incredulity finally came back to Ren's face full-force, and he shook his head in an insistent refusal. "He's not my boyfriend, Tae," he told her, trying to keep his voice too low for Yusuke to hear him.

It seemed like Tae held none of the same qualms, though. "I know that, sweetie," she rolled her eyes. "But you're obviously into him."

Ren practically choked on air as he breathed in. "What?!" His voice got significantly higher and cracked a little bit, and any attempts to keep his cool completely crumbled down to the floor. Luckily, Yusuke was still too absorbed in his sketch to look up.

Tae's grin grew even wider. "Well, if that reaction wasn't enough of a hint, let's just look at how you're carrying yourself right now," she pointed out nonchalantly. "Your eyes are on me, yeah. But your body? It's completely turned toward him like he's still your focus."

It was true, and Ren hadn't even realized it until she pointed it out. Ren glanced back down the counter at Yusuke, and then raked his teeth over his lip nervously.

Of course, Tae wasn't even close to done. She shrugged a shoulder and smirked a little bit. "I bet if I took your pulse right now, it'd be racing a little bit faster than usual since I called you out on it, too," she pointed at him knowingly, then leaned her hip against the counter. "You're really obvious when you're nervous, hate to break it to you."

Ren made a face, then glanced up at Tae. "You're starting to pick up some of Sae's habits. A doctor shouldn't be near this good at analyzing people's subconscious tics," he mused.

"So, you admit I'm right?"

With a huff, Ren shrugged. "You might not be wrong." That was all he'd admit, because he honestly wasn't sure of what he felt himself at this point.

Tae laughed and shrugged her head to the side. "I'll take it. He is cute, though," she circled back, casting a quick glance at Yusuke.

Ren wanted to argue that, but he absolutely couldn't. Yusuke was definitely cute. Handsome. Gorgeous. Beautiful. All that stereotypical cheesy stuff people put into romantic poetry. Maybe Ren was starting to see why it wasn't so cheesy. He shook the thought off before it could go any further, then turned back to Tae. When he saw Tae looking at him smugly, he instantly reached for a subject change.

"So, the usual?" Ren asked her, hoping she'd take the hint.

Nodding, Tae seemed to have either taken the hint or just decided she didn't want to make Ren squirm anymore. She'd probably go right back to the clinic and tell Sae all about it, though. She continued. "Sae's too, please. I've got her working at the clinic so I can drag her home with me and keep her from pulling too many all-nighters, but because of all the ones she's already pulled, she's having trouble focusing. If she's not already out cold by the time I get back, I'll give her an espresso to help her put the notes together for this case."

Ren turned toward the carafe and started putting Tae and Sae's drinks together. Tae seemed to have a lot to say, including pointing out to Ren that the apartment two floors above hers was going to be available again soon. Each time the apartment opened up, Ren wanted to move into it more and more. The only problem was the rent. Tae's building was one of the nicer buildings in Yongen, and it was close enough to work that Ren wouldn't have to worry about catching trains or being late. There was one glaring problem with it, though: the fact that Ren would never be able to afford to live in it alone.

For a while, he'd toyed with the idea of asking Futaba to be his roommate, but she was satisfied living with Sojiro for now, and Ren had a feeling Sojiro wouldn't want her to move either. Other than her, all of his friends were completely satisfied with their living situations.

Well, all of them save for one. The very second Tae mentioned how perfect it would be if Ren could find a roommate, his mind went back to Yusuke's small and unsafe living situations. Ren couldn't afford it alone, Yusuke probably couldn't afford it alone either... but if they pooled their resources?

No. No, that was a terrible idea. Sure, they enjoyed each other's company, but enough to _live together_? They hadn't even known each other for long enough to consider the idea. Ren shook his head and turned back to Tae. "Would be nice, but I still can't afford it without a roommate, Tae," he pointed out as he set her drinks on the counter.

Tae looked like she'd caught on, once again proving how scary a team she and Sae were. "What about your cute friend there?" she asked as she paid Ren and slid a 1000-yen tip into the tip jar.

"No," was Ren's simple, possibly-too-sharp, answer.

With a chuckle, Tae shrugged her shoulder. "You were thinking it, though. I can tell you were thinking it, because as soon as I mentioned finding a roommate you-"

Ren cut her off with a sharp look, and watched as she laughed softly, holding her hands up in mock defense. "Maybe I'll put an ad online or something. For now, I'm pretty okay where I'm at, though," he told her.

"Okay, okay," she agreed hesitantly as she picked the drinks up and glanced over at Yusuke again. "Keep your small attic right over your workspace. Don't say I never tried to help you, though."

Sighing, Ren said his goodbyes to Tae. Even once she left, Yusuke still didn't look up from his sketchpad. Ren couldn't deny more than a little bit of curiosity over what he could have possibly been drawing, but he ignored it for now in favor of closing the shop down now that the time was right. He flipped the sign and turned the outside light off, then turned his attention to doing the last bit of cleaning. He didn't disturb Yusuke, who was still hunched over his sketchpad and drawing like a man on a mission. Ren fought with the urge to glance over his shoulder as he walked by Yusuke again.

Instead, he walked around the counter and placed his hand gently on Yusuke's shoulder. Yusuke jumped—not quite like he had the last time Ren had disturbed him from his art, but it was still a jump—and met Ren's eyes.

"Ah. Wasn't someone here?" Yusuke asked.

Ren nodded. "Yeah. Dr. Takemi stopped in for about an hour. We talked and stuff, but you seemed pretty absorbed in what you were doing so we didn't want to bother you," he told Yusuke. To say that he was _endlessly_ grateful for Yusuke's lack of attention, in this case, wouldn't have been too much of an understatement.

Yusuke blinked and stretched his neck, then turned his sketch over so Ren couldn't see it. "I apologize," he chuckled, embarrassed. "I seem to have gotten a little lost in my work again."

Shrugging, Ren smiled. "It's okay. I'm just glad I was here to stop you this time," he teased.

With a sheepish smile, Yusuke bit his lip. "I'm sure you wouldn't have closed the shop around me."

"I started to!" Ren teased again, leaning forward against the counter and flashing Yusuke a playful smirk.

Yusuke laughed and stretched his arms out in front of him. "Perhaps, but I genuinely doubt you would have locked us into the shop, Ren. Then you would be forced to sleep here with me, and that... th-that would have been..." He trailed off, blinking a couple of times and trying to redefine the color red with the shade of his cheeks.

Fortunately for Ren, he had an excuse to turn his back and hide his own red cheeks. "Relax, Yusuke. I'm not gonna lock you into the shop and force you to stay the night against your will," he mumbled under his breath.

The silence in the room was almost suffocating, and Ren wondered if it was possible for him to feel any more embarrassed than he did right then. He forced himself to turn and look at Yusuke again, and watched as his friend seemed to be trying to compose himself, too. Yusuke was even less experienced with matters like this than Ren was.

However, since he was already eyeball-deep in the awkwardness, Ren decided to make it five times worse. He regarded Yusuke for a couple seconds, then leaned sideways against the counter again. "Do you want to come upstairs? Save dinner and a movie for another night?" he asked.

"Upstairs?" Yusuke glanced up over his head, the red fading from his face very slowly.

Ren nodded. "Yeah. I live up there. It's sort of like a one-room apartment. Maybe I could make us some curry or something before I turn the stoves off for the night, and we could go up there and talk. I-if you want to." He cursed himself. Smooth, Ren.

It seemed like Yusuke didn't even notice his nervousness, though. He smiled again, only the slightest bit of embarrassment still evident on his face. Ren suddenly found himself jealous and wishing that he was able to get over embarrassment quickly like that. "That sounds lovely," Yusuke agreed. "Perhaps while we're there, you can tell me why you're unable to return to dance?"

With a nod, Ren took a couple of backward steps toward the kitchen. "That was the plan," he answered.

Yusuke seemed oblivious to exactly how hard this was going to be on Ren, as he nonchalantly turned back to his sketch. They fell into silence, aside from the Bluetooth speaker in the corner which was still playing Ren's dance playlist. Ren wanted to say he wasn't agonizing over the situation, but as he focused on cooking, he couldn't help but feel like he was about to face a firing squad. As much as Ren hoped Yusuke wasn't the type of person to put an end to their friendship just because of a messy situation that was so far out of Ren's control... there was a small piece of him that was terrified of Yusuke's opinion changing.

Or maybe it wasn't even that. Yusuke seemed like the type of person to stick with people through thick and thin. All their mutual friends wouldn't be as close with him if he was the type to just abandon someone just because of some past struggles, so it wasn't that. Not really. At the moment, though, Yusuke seemed to think he was something special. Ren didn't want the way Yusuke looked at him to change. He was scared it would. He was genuinely terrified that Yusuke would look at him and see what _he_ thought he was: someone who could never amount to anything.

As the curry finished, Ren called Yusuke's attention and they made their way up the stairs to Ren's room.

It was still somewhat silent as Ren pulled out the small folding table he kept in storage. At first, Yusuke offered to help him set it up, but after Ren told him to relax and make himself at home, he took a seat on the couch instead. As Ren set their small dinner table up, Yusuke turned his attention to Mona, who seemed far more interested in the new stranger than he ever really was in Ren's presence. Ren couldn't help but smile as he watched Mona rub his head against Yusuke's hand.

"I had no idea there was a cat up here," Yusuke mused.

Ren laughed, but it came out as more of a strangled and anxious sound. He cursed himself, but hurried to answer Yusuke. "Yeah, that's Mona. Morgana, actually, but I call him Mona for short," he explained. "We try to keep him out of the cafe when there are customers down there, but sometimes he comes down anyway. He's friendly."

Mona placed his paws on each of Yusuke's collarbones, and started purring loudly as he rubbed his head against Yusuke's chin. That managed to bubble a genuine laugh from Ren and Yusuke both.

"I can see that," Yusuke commented, smoothing his fingers down Mona's back.

Ren grinned as he finished unfolding the table in the middle of the room, and started setting each of their plates out. "Looks like he likes you. I'd've been more surprised if he didn't, though. Mona loves people," he explained.

Nodding, Yusuke took a piece of pork from his plate and offered it out to Mona. "I've always been rather fond of animals," he explained as Mona took the meat and then rushed off into the corner of the room to eat it. "I've never actually been allowed any pets, though."

"Well, you're welcome to come here and see him whenever," Ren offered as he tugged two chairs from his storage area. "I'm sure he'll be happy about that."

Yusuke smiled warmly as he sat in the chair Ren offered to him. "I'll gladly accept that offer," he told Ren.

As soon as Yusuke's food was in front of him, he started eating eagerly. Ren, on the other hand, felt way too anxious to even consider eating. He moved his food around on his plate, but he couldn't prevent his mind from circling back to the conversation on the way. In the back of his mind, he cursed himself for ever being caught dancing. This whole situation could have been avoided if he hadn't let Yusuke see him.

"You may be an even better cook than Boss, Ren," Yusuke muttered through a half-full mouth.

That managed to snap Ren from his thoughts, and he replied with a gentle laugh. "Not even close, but thanks all the same."

Yusuke shrugged. "I rather enjoy this. I know I said it before, but there's a personal touch in here that Boss doesn't put into his own recipe. I can't quite pinpoint it, but I really do enjoy it," he offered.

Laughing softly, Ren murmured a grateful grunt. Quickly, any sign of amusement faded when he realized exactly what he was doing. He was taking what was a comfortable friendship and making it awkward and uncomfortable by acting so pathetic and miserable. He ran a hand through his hair and breathed in a nervous sigh, before forcing himself to look up at Yusuke again.

It was now or never. If he wanted his friendship with Yusuke to be honest—and he really did—this was something he had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER. >:) I'm the worst.
> 
> Imagine the song Ren is dancing to as the title song for this chapter! :D
> 
> Thanks to Treya and Pam for betaing for me as always! ♥


	8. Already Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _you know that look that you gave me?_  
>  _yeah, it knocked me out but it saved me..._  
>  _and i don't quite know what i'm saying, 'cause it's already love_  
> [already love](https://open.spotify.com/track/72qwkxwEPAvHX5zhigT89f?si=Sm2N0tiPTxemLQiymBJA1g) ;; great good fine ok  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR84uJFBWSM) ]

"So, you wanted to know why I can't dance anymore..."

Yusuke nodded as he set his coffee cup down on the table. "I did," he answered. "But I felt you would tell me when you were ready."

Ren laughed bitterly. "If you let me wait until I was ready, I'd probably never say anything. It's not a pretty story," he assured Yusuke. "Last chance to back out."

"Whatever it is, it can't possibly be enough to change my opinion of you, Ren."

Those words, spoken in Yusuke's soft and gentle voice, did more than any sort of stubborn insistence on Ren's own part to ease his mind. It still wasn't completely at ease, obviously, and it never would be when it came to telling this story. It was still an ugly one and it still always managed to make Ren feel lousy. It never failed to make him feel like that lonely and abandoned sixteen-year-old all over again: like he was backed into that same corner with no one coming to his defense. He glanced up at Yusuke and laughed a sad note.

"I'll hold you to that," he muttered.

Because if this stupid story managed to ruin his friendship with Yusuke... he wasn't sure if he'd be able to recover.

Ren scraped his fork with his plate. His appetite was completely gone now, a firm knot of tension and anxiety building in its place as he shifted his food around on his plate. He had to start the conversation at some point, he knew he did, but it wasn't one of those things that he could just launch into. Not without some explanation. How in the hell was he supposed to tell his friend that he _might possibly_ have a crush on about how he'd made an enemy of the Prime Minister of Japan, just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time? It sounded fake. It sounded like something out of a novel or a comic book or a horrible action movie. Yusuke wouldn't believe him. Ren had _lived_ the situation, and he didn't even believe it most of the time...

Yusuke wasn't even looking at him right then, even though the conversation was open. It was almost like he was the portrait of patience. Either that or he was just that hungry. If the way he was eating his curry like it was going out of style was any indication, it could've been either. Or maybe both.

These situations were usually better when they were ripped off like a band-aid, or at least that was what people always said. So, after a deep, steadying breath, Ren shrugged and glanced down at his untouched plate. After shuffling a couple bits of carrot around in his rice, he sighed and started talking.

"Okay, so we'll start with the worst part." Maybe Ren should have looked at Yusuke as he spoke, but he couldn't bring himself to. He didn't want to see the look on Yusuke's face change. "I was arrested once," he told Yusuke, in a voice barely above a whisper. "I've uh... actually got a criminal record."

The silence in the room was even more suffocating than before. Yusuke hadn't responded, and Ren still wasn't meeting his eye, but he found himself growing more and more curious as to what Yusuke's reaction to the information was. Was he horrified? Was he disgusted with Ren? Had that one little part of the story changed everything already? There was only one way to find out. Ren lifted his head and looked at Yusuke, and much to his surprise, Yusuke didn't look disgusted or really horrified, either. Instead, he looked stunned. He stared, gray eyes wide, at Ren with an empty fork dangling from his hand in mid-air.

After a brief second of eye contact, Ren turned his head back down to the table and smiled weakly. It wasn't the reaction he expected, but it probably should've been.

Just like that, over-explanation mode engaged and Ren gave Yusuke a panicked recollection of the situation. "I-it's not like I actually did anything bad. I mean, I didn't like, break any laws." That, he figured, was the worst part of it. "I guess, if you want to get technical, I was in either the wrong place at the wrong time, or the right place at the right time. It probably depends on who you ask."

"What do you mean?" Yusuke asked, filling his fork with his last bite of curry.

Ren shrugged. "I mean... I didn't actually do what I was accused of doing," he muttered, the frustration probably evident in his voice. "I know it's easy for me to say that, and you have no real reason to believe me because you weren't there and you didn't even _know_ me back then, but I... I swear to you. I didn't do what they accused me of doing."

Before he could launch into the rest of his expression, Yusuke's voice took him by surprise. "I believe you," Yusuke answered through a full mouth as he set his plate down.

That surprised Ren more than anything else probably could have. He hadn't even told the story yet. The twist ending could've been that he'd blacked out and woken up—that he didn't have any awareness of what he'd done—but Yusuke was willing to believe his innocence before he'd even divulged any of the details? Maybe he should have been pleased with the level of trust Yusuke put in him, but instead, he found himself wondering how Yusuke could possibly be real. Was his whole friendship with Yusuke some kind of elaborate fantasy or coma dream? At this point, he'd believe either.

Instead of voicing as much, Ren simply chuckled softly, and cast Yusuke a sad look. "You don't know the whole story," he murmured.

Yusuke shrugged a shoulder. "Even so," he countered, "I still find it exceedingly difficult to believe you would do something worthy of arrest."

Ren couldn't help the red from creeping its way across his cheeks. His gratitude for Yusuke's faith in him allowed him to crack the ghost of a smile, but it faded shortly thereafter when he realized that the explanation had only really just begun. He shifted his food around again, creating a giant crater in the center of his pile of rice.

"Well," Ren mumbled, "you're right. Honestly, I wish I was guilty sometimes, so I didn't have to carry around exactly how much it sucks to be in the situation I was in." He paused, then snorted derisively. "Am in, I guess."

Now that Yusuke was finished with his curry, his whole attention was focused on Ren. Even if Ren wasn't looking at him, he could feel the intensity of Yusuke's gaze, and it was almost enough to make him want to shrink back. It was stupid. He knew there was no judgment in Yusuke's expression, but that didn't stop him from feeling very vulnerable.

Yusuke seemed to sense his need for urging. "What happened?" he asked gently.

Sighing, Ren sat back in his chair. "I was on my way home from ballet practice, and I happened to hear a struggle a little ways away," he explained. "It was just barely out of my sight, on the next street over, but I... couldn't ignore it, so I followed the sound. I spotted a man and a woman fighting. He was obviously drunk—really, stupidly drunk. He was trying to get her to get into his car with him, but she didn't want to."

Ren huffed another sigh, and shrugged his shoulders. "So, my plan was just to approach them and see if I could resolve it with words, y'know? Get him to go home and leave her alone. If I couldn't get him to leave, then I was gonna call the cops and have them handle it." He gave his food another shuffle, before abandoning the concept of eating for the moment and pushing his plate away. "Needless to say, none of that ended up happening. I tried to talk to the guy and convince him to call a cab to get himself to safety, because he could barely string together a sentence that wasn't cursing me or the woman out. He was really drunk, though, and when I got there, he turned his attention from her to me. I'm pretty sure he wanted to fight me."

Brows furrowed, Yusuke's voice came out in a protective rumble, "You were sixteen."

"Fifteen at the time, actually," Ren answered.

The disgust in Yusuke's expression seemed to multiply. "And he was a grown man?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah. He came at me so fast I couldn't figure out what to do," he continued. "All I could really do was take a step to the side, so the guy tripped over the curb and fell to the ground. I think his nose was broken, or something, 'cause when he stood back up, he was _furious_ , and drunk enough to be convinced I hit him." Convinced wasn't even the right word, honestly. Whether he truly believed it or not, he was willing to throw the blame on Ren for hitting him, rather than let anyone know he was that drunk.

"The woman certainly must have told him—"

With a shake of his head and a bitter chuckle, Ren looked at Yusuke again. "No. I think she was too afraid of what was happening," he answered.

Yusuke tilted his head to the side. "That still doesn't excuse not standing up for the person who saved her," he insisted.

All Ren could muster in response to that was a shrug. "I found out later that he was a high powered politician, so she just, y'know, went along with what he told her to do. He called the cops and told them I hit him, and she still didn't say anything." With a bitter laugh, Ren stared at his still-untouched meal. "So, they believed him, he pressed charges, I got arrested, and then sent to Sojiro's." There was much more to be said, but for now, he just left it at that.

It seemed like Yusuke still wasn't satisfied, though. "Surely, your parents must have—"

"No," Ren answered with a bitter laugh. "My dad's a politician too, and close friends with the guy. I think he was actually in town _visiting_ my dad, and they went drinking together, to be honest. My mom's his lawyer, too, so they didn't believe me. No matter what I said, no matter who I said it to, my story wasn't as credible as some drunk jackass who was trying to force a woman into his car."

Yusuke's expression twisted again, from frustration to straight out anger and disgust. "Who _is_ this man? If he's so willing to do something so horrible as to lie and destroy a teenage boy's reputation, he must be truly despicable," he seethed.

This was Ren's least favorite part of the story, and the part when people usually went from believing and supporting him to questioning everything he said. Eventually, they came to believe him, but when it came to the man who'd put him in this position, they fell out of the story completely. It was reasonable, of course. Shido had built such a false reputation as a man of the people and as someone who wanted the best for the futures of the children, that it wasn't hard to see why people would choose to believe him over Ren. Still, this time, the inevitability of Yusuke starting to disbelieve him would be a bitter pill to swallow.

So, Ren decided to prolong it a little bit. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"I would," Yusuke insisted, his expression softening.

Ren chuckled bitterly, and shrugged his head to the side. "I'd... like to think you'll believe me, but half the time, I barely believe me and I was the one it happened to," he murmured.

The words seemed to soften Yusuke's expression even more, and he reached a hand up to place on Ren's in a mirror of what Ren had done for him on the rooftop a few days prior. "Ren, please trust me," he spoke calmly. "Whatever name you say, I will believe you without question. I promise."

At first, the answer died behind Ren's lips. He was too surprised to answer, taken aback by Yusuke's unquestioning trust in him, and he found himself wondering exactly what he'd done to deserve a friend like that. Though he still didn't answer, Ren locked eyes with Yusuke for a moment. Yusuke's eyes were still kind and gentle, but there seemed to be a torrent of anger bubbling beneath the surface, all directed at a man he hadn't even heard the identity of. Ren would never have expected a response like that, but he had a sneaking suspicion the belief would change when Ren answered him, regardless of the promise he'd made.

Still, Yusuke deserved the truth. So, he breathed in a slow breath, then let it out in a fast puff, before mumbling his answer. "Masayoshi Shido," he told Yusuke quietly.

Yusuke's eyes shot open wide, his brows rising almost to his hairline. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah," Ren answered, suspecting the declaration to be more of disbelief than anything else. "It was Shido."

None of the surprise faded from Yusuke's expression, but his brows lowered as he turned his gaze to the table. "Prime Minister Shido... ruined your life?" he asked, his voice a little bit quiet as he considered Ren's words.

Ren shrugged and nodded. "I knew you wouldn't believe me," he muttered.

"No," Yusuke shook his head. "No, I believe you. I believe you completely. I'm just... _appalled_ that a man whose whole prime ministerial campaign was based on the future of Japan being in his hands would plan on assaulting a woman and destroy a teenage boy's life so… so _readily_."

Yusuke believed him. Without question, without doubt, Yusuke had believed him when he said it was all Shido's doing. It was still shocking, and he still wondered how, why, what he had done to deserve someone like Yusuke in his life. He glanced at their hands, and took the step he'd almost taken when they were sitting on the rooftop, turning his hand in Yusuke's and lacing their fingers together. It was a simple gesture, sure, but it brought Ren way more comfort than he could properly express at the moment. That comfort only doubled when he felt Yusuke lace their fingers together further and squeeze Ren's hand.

It seemed like Yusuke wasn't finished, though. "And your _parents_ ," he seethed. "How could they dare believe the man who... I can't comprehend any of this..."

With a one-shouldered shrug, Ren stared at their twined fingers, taking comfort in the sight as he answered. "I was 'lucky' Shido was willing to drop the charges," he told Yusuke. "But even after he dropped the charges, there was no way they could clean my record up. The damage was done, and it was pretty much written in stone that I'd assaulted a politician."

For a time, Yusuke was quiet. He squeezed Ren's hand softly, and the feel of Yusuke's fingers between his did well to anchor him to reality and distract him from the bitterness that usually came along with the story. It was definitely still a bitter story, Ren definitely still hated telling it, but something about that anchoring factor made it hurt a little less than usual. It was probably because he didn't sense any judgment coming from Yusuke. Not toward Ren, at least. There was still kindness and warmth, coated with a layer of harsh and protective anger toward the people who had ruined Ren's life.

Yusuke still looked angry, but he had calmed down a little bit. Enough to ask, "And that somehow led to you being unable to dance anymore?"

"Well..." Ren answered, "in a roundabout way, yeah. I mean, I was living with my parents in a small city called Okina, right next to the country..."

Yusuke perked. "I've heard of Okina!" he told Ren with an eager nod. "It's right next to Inaba, isn't it? I went on an art retreat to the Amagi Inn out that way several years ago."

The Amagi Inn. Despite the mood the conversation had taken, Ren couldn't help but smile at the fact that Yusuke knew the Amagi Inn. "I spent a lot of time at the Amagi Inn as I grew up. The girl who babysat me when I was a kid runs the inn now. Well, her girlfriend does, but they were always together when she babysat me so she was pretty much my babysitter, too," he told Yusuke with a sad smile. "I never fit in too well in Inaba or Okina, so most of my friends were her friends, and they were all a lot older than me."

"I find it difficult to imagine you as anything but surrounded by friends," Yusuke admitted with a little grin.

Ren wanted to laugh, and he wanted to feel flattered, but he couldn't. Yusuke seemed to have this image of him as cool and confident, but the truth was, it had taken him a long time to even get to the level of confidence he was _currently_ at. When he was younger, he was a lot shyer and more nervous, and he didn't talk to a lot of people. "I never really fit in there. Different mindsets and priorities," he mused. "Plus, it's one of those places where everyone knows everyone else, so when something happens, news travels fast."

That seemed to give Yusuke pause, as he glanced down at their twined hands. "Like something from a drama on television," he thought aloud.

With a bitter chuckle, Ren nodded. "Yeah, there's a reason those usually take place in small towns," he mused, fidgeting his fingers a little and accidentally rubbing his thumb over Yusuke's. Maybe he could have apologized for it, but Yusuke didn't seem bothered, so he didn't apologize. Instead, he did it again, absentmindedly tracing little patterns on Yusuke's knuckle. It was surprisingly intimate, but if Yusuke didn't care... neither did Ren.

As his thumb glided along Yusuke's skin, Ren continued. "Okina's like that, and Inaba's kinda an extension of it. Everyone always knows what's going on in everyone else's lives, and they always have opinions about it. So, to keep their reputations safe, and to keep people from asking questions they didn't want to answer, my parents sent me here for a year back then." There was way more to the story than that, of course, but he didn't dive into that particular can of worms yet.

Yusuke's eyes were incredulous. "They wouldn't assist you?" he asked.

Ren shook his head. "They had to put their professional reputations first, they said," he explained. "I think people thought it was for my protection, but they didn't... they didn't really care about that. I stayed out here for a year, then went back to Okina, but I... couldn't stay. I left as soon as I turned eighteen and came back to Tokyo. I haven't heard from them since."

"They haven't tried to contact you at all?" Yusuke asked, seeming surprised.

Again, Ren shook his head. "I don't think I'd answer if they did," he admitted.

For a few moments, Yusuke was silent, his eyes contemplative. He watched Ren's thumb as it traced its patterns, then he lifted his head to meet Ren's eye. "I must admit, I'm somewhat at a loss for words," he confessed.

"It's okay," Ren reassured him. "I mean... it's not okay, but at the same time, it is. _I'm_ okay now, you know?" He allowed himself a weak smile. "It took me a long time to get there, but I am. I have a job now, a found family that's way better than the family I was born into, and friends who would be there for me if I ever found myself in a situation like that again. So... if my parents were trying to punish me or something by sending me to Tokyo, they failed pretty horribly."

Yusuke was still quiet. He lifted his coffee cup in his free hand and took a long, slow sip, staring into the cup like he was trying to collect his thoughts. Then, he glanced at Ren's still-untouched curry plate. In the silence, Ren considered mentioning Goro, and how Goro was another person who had turned his back on Ren in favor of preserving his own reputation, but he decided not to. He wasn't quite sure why. It wasn't like he thought Yusuke was interested in him like that, or would be upset to learn the story of his relationship with Goro, but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to mention it. Embarrassment, maybe. Or maybe, deep down in the back of his mind, he was still afraid Yusuke would finally realize he wasn't worth the friendship.

If so many people turned their back on him... they had to be _somewhat_ right, right?

"I still don't understand why you can't dance anymore," Yusuke broke the silence and pulled his head out of the mess it was drowning in.

Ren sighed softly. "Well," he muttered, watching his thumb trace a spiral on Yusuke's knuckle, "I couldn't take lessons in Okina or Inaba, because a lot of places out there do background checks. As soon as they saw the assault charge... that was out. I actually had an audition I was putting together for TIA, but they wouldn't let me try out for the same reason." He laughed bitterly, then shrugged his head to the side. "I couldn't go anywhere with it. For a long time, it was even painful to dance, because I couldn't help but think about what could've been, you know? I didn't even know I _wanted_ to dance again, until I started today."

Smiling sadly, Yusuke rested his free hand atop Ren's, stopping his thumb in its track. "You're amazing at it," he said.

"I'm okay, at least," Ren countered with a shrug.

Before he could continue, though, Yusuke's voice cut through his thoughts, a little sharper than he would've expected. "No," he disagreed. "You aren't _just okay_. I go to an art institute, Ren. I see dancers all the time. I walk past classes or practices. I've even seen people dance for life-drawing. _They_ seem like they're just okay. You, though? I have never in my life seen someone who moves as you do."

Ren laughed awkwardly. "Yusuke, I—"

But Yusuke cut him off again. "Ren, please," he begged, "as a friend, promise me something. Promise me that you won't let these... _despicable_ human beings who sought to ruin your life succeed! You are a beautiful dancer! It would be criminal for you to give up on yourself." There was desperation in his tone, like he truly didn't want to see Ren give up dancing.

Slowly, Yusuke detached their hands, and Ren found himself lamenting the loss of contact. His hand was suddenly cold, and he could feel the spectral presence of Yusuke's fingers between his. When Ren looked up, he saw Yusuke reaching across the table for his sketchbook and taking a quick glance at it. He didn't look satisfied with the image, but all the same, he placed it on the table and turned it toward Ren.

"It doesn't come close to doing you justice, but... look at how passionate you look."

As soon as Yusuke let go of the sketchbook, Ren turned his head to glance at it, and blinked in surprise. Whatever he'd expected to see, it wasn't a sketch of _him_ , mere moments ago, dancing in Leblanc. He was in the middle of his improvisational routine, his arms stretched up to the ceiling with his legs twisted as he seemed to be finishing a spin. Yusuke's sketch depicted a smile on his face, but that wasn't nearly as surprising as the fire in his eyes. It was something Ren used to see in the mirror every day when he went to dance practice, or when he got ready to go up on stage.

It was passion. Fire. His love for dancing.

Ren blinked and looked back up at Yusuke. "You... drew me?"

"I couldn't resist," Yusuke answered quietly, his expression a little sheepish.

With a little chuckle, Ren mused, "I don't think I've ever looked this good in real life."

Yusuke shook his head. "Don't sell yourself short..." he muttered, the words managing to take Ren by complete surprise. He whispered a little, and his tone was soft and playful... almost like he was flirting.

Up until then, Yusuke hadn't really shown any signs of flirtation. He'd always been kind, gentle, and supportive but... Ren had never gotten the idea that Yusuke was flirting with him until now. There was a look in his eye that Ren hadn't seen before and—

—no. No way. He was looking way too deep into things. It was wishful thinking. That was the only explanation. There was absolutely no way that _Yusuke_ was flirting with _Ren_.

They locked eyes again, both of them leaned in close to take a better look at Yusuke's sketch. From this close, Ren could make out all the intricacies of Yusuke's face. He swallowed a nervous lump, trying to dislodge it from his throat. Yusuke's face was pale and beautiful. In the back of Ren's mind, he wondered exactly how smooth and soft that skin was to touch. His smoky gray eyes, with that one strand of dark blue hair dangling from his messy ponytail and partially shading them from view. It was all the more evident from here how far Yusuke was out of Ren's league, but for some reason, Yusuke still saw fit to waste his time with Ren.

With nothing but the soft music playing from Ren's laptop in the background, and the gentle, coffee-scented brush of Yusuke's breath against his face, it would have been easy to get lost in the moment and close the distance between them for a kiss. Ren was having a difficult time resisting the urge. Inevitably, he did resist. The thought of how far Yusuke was out of his league and the fear of being rejected teamed up and snapped him to his senses. He sat up abruptly, cleared his throat, and tried to pretend nothing had happened.

Nothing _had_ happened, so it wasn't too hard to pretend.

Ren cleared his throat and pushed some hair back from his face. "I haven't danced seriously in so long," he admitted. "I'm nowhere near as good as I used to be."

"One of the most important parts of any art is to practice," Yusuke answered. There was something odd in his expression then. It almost looked like he was... disappointed? What could he be disappointed about? "Even if you aren't doing it professionally, you should dance, Ren. You're amazing, and it would be a shame to let a person of your talent lose their passion over events so far out of his control."

In spite of himself, Ren half-smiled. "So, you'd be satisfied if I told you I'd just dance on my own?"

Yusuke nodded. "So long as you followed through with it? For now, yes," he answered gently.

Ren chuckled. "For now, huh?"

"I can be rather relentless when I believe in someone," Yusuke admitted, leaning his elbows on the table leaning forward so his hands were steepled at his chest, just under his chin.

 _When I believe in someone._ Yusuke believed in him. It wasn't the _first_ time Ren had heard those words by any stretch of the imagination. His dance teacher had always talked about how great Ren was going to be. Yukiko and Chie always talked about how he had the potential to be great, and how much they believed in him. People had believed in him before, and he always appreciated it when people said it, but something about the way Yusuke said it, and the way he was leaning forward with his hands folded—almost like he was _pleading_ Ren to listen to him and not give up—felt different.

Or... maybe it was _Yusuke_ who felt different. It was a big jump, but the more Ren thought about it, the more sense it made. Up to this point, there was a depressing pattern in Ren's life with people who really mattered. Whether because Ren left them behind like Chie and Yukiko, or because they pushed him out of their lives like his parents and Goro, Ren had lost a lot of people. Yusuke, though... Ren didn't _think_ he'd be turned away, and he _really_ didn't want Yusuke to leave.

No, he wanted Yusuke around as much as possible. More than he probably should have. In such a short time, Yusuke had pushed his way into the same corner of Ren's heart as the friends they'd shared for all these years.

"You're just like our friends," Ren remarked quietly.

Smirking wryly, Yusuke nodded his head. "Perhaps I am, but so are you."

Ren laughed softly and shrugged. "Looks like we're a perfect match, huh?" he asked, turning his eyes from Yusuke to the table.

"Indeed," Yusuke agreed.

Suddenly, Ren was torn between regretting how he'd turned away from the possibility of kissing Yusuke before and being glad for it. He wondered and worried what would have happened if he'd just gone with it. That was the worst part of all, not knowing where Yusuke stood. It should've been simple. All Ren needed to do was say it; just _say_ that he was pretty sure he had romantic feelings for Yusuke. The only thing holding Ren back was his own stupid doubts and his fears of rejection. The thought of losing Yusuke's friendship was scarier than he could have anticipated.

For now, he'd keep it to himself. Just for now; just until he got _some_ sort of hint, telling him his feelings weren't just one-sided...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, there you have it. There's the story. XD And Yusuke's reaction. And Ren being completely and totally smitten.
> 
> Thanks to Pam and Treya for betaing! ♥ Much appreciated!


	9. Thinking Out Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways;_  
>  _maybe it's all part of a plan._  
>  _i'll just keep on making the same mistakes,_  
>  _hoping that you'll understand..._  
> [thinking out loud](https://open.spotify.com/track/34gCuhDGsG4bRPIf9bb02f?si=VHF9ZJeBRHegi3bhi5tUYA) ;; ed sheeran  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp-EO5I60KA) ]

Yusuke's visits had become a nightly occurrence. Obviously, Ren didn't mind the company in the slightest. It made the evening hours go much faster at work, and he would never complain about Yusuke's company, either. Some nights, they would talk until the wee hours of the morning about everything and nothing at the same time. Other nights, they wouldn't talk at all, but that didn't mean they were bored. In Ren's mind, just being together was enough. Yusuke would paint or draw, and Ren would canvass his playlists for the perfect song to choreograph a new routine for. He hadn't gotten around to the actual dancing yet, but he was getting closer every day.

In either instance, they stayed together comfortably, until Yusuke inevitably had to go home to get rest for class; Ren would make sure to remind him to both lock his door and to send a text when he got home so Ren could finally allow himself to sleep, too.

That night was the warmest night of the year so far, so they'd taken their shared comfortable silence on the road and out to Inokashira Park. Yusuke had helped Ren close, cleaning the tables for him while he washed the dishes he'd used to make their dinner and counted the register out. After stopping quickly at Sojiro's place to deliver the night's profits to deposit in the morning, they'd taken off with their boxed dinner and headed to the park.

It was past nine o'clock, and most people were probably already at home, so it was really quiet. The closest people Ren could see were all the way at the streets, walking around and ignoring the quiet park. It felt almost like the whole park had been reserved for the two of them. Yusuke had his sketchbook out, working on some kind of architectural art for one of his classes, so the only things Ren could really hear at the moment were the sounds of his pencil scratching across the page, intermittently mixed in with the cicadas and toads as they hummed and croaked in the background. It was easily one of the most relaxing situations Ren had been in, in a long time.

Ren turned to look at Yusuke for a moment, his lips curling into a smile. When Yusuke focused, a crease formed in his right eyebrow and his eyes squinted just slightly. His lips were a thin straight line as he flipped his pencil around and erased a long line in the drawing. Ren relaxed a little more, arching his body and stretching his muscles from the bench.

Then, an idea hit him. Yusuke wanted him to practice dancing more. Granted, Ren had never actually committed to the idea… but if Yusuke wanted him to do it, it couldn't have been all bad, right? Maybe he could just practice casually while Yusuke worked on his art. The area they were in was obviously a lot more open than the small space behind Leblanc's counter, or even his room. All that open space meant he had space to stretch beforehand and even more space to actually stretch his legs or arms, or move his body without crashing into anything. Ren nodded once to himself. No one but Yusuke could see him, and Yusuke had already seen him once.

So, he got up and started doing some warm-up stretches. Arms over his head, bends to each side, low plies and leg stretches. His childhood dance teacher's voice played in his head, reminding him to stretch for about a quarter of the time he planned to spend dancing, and he fought down a little smile at the memory. He was willing to bet she'd be happy he was picking the torch up again, and grateful to Yusuke for encouraging him for that matter. At the moment, Ren didn't really know how long he planned to dance, so he decided just to stretch until he felt limber.

As Ren stretched his legs, his text tone permeated the silence and echoed out into the night. It seemed like Yusuke didn't even notice, or if he did notice it didn't faze him. In fact, Yusuke didn't look up, nor did he even acknowledge the sound at all. Ren was suddenly glad he was there to look out for his friend. Shaking off the thought, he stood up and gathered his phone from the bench, bringing it with him to continue stretching.

It was Ann. She was curious as to where Yusuke was, because a couple of hours ago, they'd been texting about some secret something she couldn't tell Ren about, and according to Ann, he stopped suddenly.

 _'He's with me at the park. Why?'_ Ren replied, setting his phone in the grass and sitting down to continue his leg stretches.

Unfortunately, Ann's reply didn't come in the form of a text. A few seconds passed, and Ren's ringtone echoed out through the empty park. He chuckled to himself, not even bothering to look at the caller's name as he answered. "Hey, Ann."

"You guys are on a date at the park?!" Ann shouted, not even bothering to wait for Ren's reply.

Ren hissed and looked at Yusuke, but to absolutely no surprise, he hadn't even registered the fact that Ren was on the phone. Thankfully, because now Ren had to answer Ann, which he did, by declaring, "Not a date, Ann."

Ann sighed dramatically, and Ren could almost see her rolling her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, not a date. But you're at the park?" She sounded intrigued, but her tone was also leading, like she wanted Ren to admit to a date when there _really_ wasn't anything to admit to. There _wasn't_. It wasn't a date. Period, end of statement. Ren and Yusuke were _friends_ , and they weren't and shouldn't have been more.

"Yeah," Ren answered, his tone firm and not inviting any more questions about whether it was or wasn't a date. "We decided instead of hanging out at my place tonight, we'd go for a walk, and we ended up here. He's working on some class project."

When Ann replied, Ren could almost _hear_ the smug little grin in her expression. "So, he's been at _your_ place the past few nights! Some nights he comes over to hang out with me when Makoto has to work late, but he hasn't been the past few nights and I _wondered_ where he'd been going!"

Ren turned to look at Yusuke, before continuing his stretches one-handed. "Yeah, I guess."

"And judging by the fact that he hasn't given any background comments, I'm gonna guess he's in one of his weird little artist trances, right?" Ann asked. "When he's not even registering the fact that the world's still going on around him and he's just staring at his canvas or paper or whatever he's working on?"

All Ren did was hum an affirmative answer as he stretched his legs a little further apart, then leaned his body to the side.

It seemed to be enough for Ann, though. "That means he's inspired again! See? I _knew_ you two would be good for each other, but even _I_ didn't have any clue how right I would be!" She giggled to herself, and Ren could hear Makoto laughing in the background, too.

Ren sat up straight and rolled his eyes. "We're not _together_ or _for each other_ or anything like that," he insisted.

The tone in Ann's voice dripped with doubt, and she sighed in annoyance. "Okay, whatever. Spend time with your _friend_ , alright? Makoto just got home and we're going out for dinner, so... I expect an update tomorrow," she demanded.

"Ann, I swear, if I see you two at the park..." Ren grumbled.

When Ann replied, it did absolutely nothing to assuage Ren's concerns. "Us? We'd never! I'd be more worried about the bug Futaba put in your phone, to be honest," she offered nonchalantly, like it wasn't a giant bomb dropped on Ren's mind.

"Wait... what?"

Before he could ask any further, Ann singsonged a reply. "Okay, gotta go, bye! I'll call you tomorrow for those details!" Then, the call went dead.

Ren stared blankly at his phone for a few seconds, wondering exactly what she'd meant. Of course, it was totally within the realm of possibility that Futaba had bugged his phone somehow. She was a genius when it came to tech stuff, and she was definitely around Ren often enough to have sneakily planted some sort of recording device on his phone. It was _also_ definitely something she'd do. As much as Ren considered Futaba a little sister, she had very little sense of boundaries and was as nosy as the rest of his friends. He stared at his phone, his eyes narrowed in an attempt at a glare like he was trying to convince Futaba to shut off whatever bug she _had_ placed. If she'd placed one.

Although, he was fully aware that she probably wouldn't. Ren sighed and turned his eyes to the sky in exasperation. He went back to stretching, and as he did, he found himself pondering ways to improve the routine he'd started choreographing when Yusuke had caught him dancing

_If I switched the direction of the turn, I could land back facing people and hold my arms over my head for the body roll instead of in front of me. The arm movements there are superfluous anyway, so I could make them into a three-step turn and-_

Ren paused and shook his head. Planning was one thing, but sometimes it helped a lot more to _see_ and _feel_ things, to determine how they worked. He turned to Yusuke, who was still working intently on his drawing, and considered how it would be the first time in a really long time he'd _willingly_ danced in front of someone. Even so, Yusuke had earned the opportunity to break down another one of Ren's walls. He'd heard the worst of Ren's stories, and he still didn't seem to have changed his opinion on Ren, so what could it possibly hurt?

With a nod of self-affirmation, Ren stood and brought his phone back to the bench, a safe distance away from where he'd be dancing. Ann's warning about Futaba's bug in his phone didn't even register in his mind anymore. He pulled his uptempo dance playlist up, searched around for a good song, pressed repeat, and then set the phone down on the bench next to Yusuke, who still sketched obliviously. Then, he walked back to the patch of grass he'd been stretching on and started piecing some choreography together.

It wasn't even close to perfect. Ren stumbled here and there, he miscounted a few times, and he wasn't anywhere near as flexible as he used to be. Still, those were all things time and practice would help with, he figured. Giving up any hobby for five years and then trying to pick it up again as if he'd never missed a day would probably make things difficult. He was doing better than he expected, and more importantly, he was really enjoying himself. He still had good rhythm and he still _really_ enjoyed moving his body around and finding the right kind of tone and choreography to go with a song.

Ren lifted his head, pausing for a second to catch his breath and potentially move on to a different song. That was when he noticed, though. Somewhere between the moment when Ren had set his phone down and when he'd finished dancing right then, Yusuke had started watching him. He was smiling, with his hands folded over his sketchbook and his pencil tucked into its rings.

Just as Ren was about to clear his throat and murmur an apology, Yusuke cut him off.

"You're dancing again!" he declared happily, sitting straight and smiling wide.

Ren laughed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yeah," he murmured. "Just casually, though. When I'm by myself, I work on the routine you saw me doing in Leblanc, and try to remember how to improvise. It's... not exactly working too well, as you can see."

With a shake of his head, Yusuke set his sketchbook off to the side on the bench. "I saw no problem with what you were just doing," he countered.

Laughing, Ren shrugged a shoulder. "I mean, I stumbled once, miscounted, and my flexibility could use some work, but—"

"But nothing," Yusuke interrupted him. "You stopped dancing five years ago, Ren. Picking it back up after so long, it's only natural for there to be some rust to shake off. I still saw that spark and that passion in your eyes, and that smile on your face told me exactly how much fun you were having. I'm quite pleased."

Ren smirked, and he was grateful for the darkness hiding the red in his cheeks. "It's because of you. You know that right?" he asked.

As Yusuke stretched his arms out in front of him, then did a few casual hand stretches, he shook his head. "It isn't," he disagreed. "The passion was always within you. It shows in the way you move, and in the way you talk about dancing."

"Maybe," Ren shrugged, "but it wouldn't have found its way back out if you hadn't helped coax it."

Yusuke laughed softly. "You're far too kind to me," he told Ren.

"Don't sell yourself short."

The simple sound of those words—even if it was Ren saying them this time—brought Ren's mind back to a few days prior, when Yusuke said them. He remembered how close they were as they both leaned over Yusuke's drawing, how _easy_ it would have been to close the very small distance that _did_ separate them and press his lips to Yusuke's. He thought of how much he'd _wanted_ to do it then, and how much he _still_ wanted to do it now. Just like that day, the pair of them locked eyes and shared bashful smiles, and Ren couldn't help but wonder if this was going to become commonplace.

Not that he would've minded if it did. The little flutter in his heart felt nice, and the warmth spreading through his body felt even nicer. As long as he didn't do anything stupid like actually screw up and _kiss_ Yusuke, they'd be fine. Maybe the comfort made him overconfident, though, because the next thing Ren knew, he was making an _equally_ big mistake.

"Do you want to dance with me?"

The words came out before Ren could stop them. In the next heartbeat, a dozen different instincts swirled around in Ren's mind, warring for dominance. The first instinct was to apologize profusely and insist to Yusuke that he didn't mean it. Second, his instinct told him to just let it play out and see what Yusuke said. What was the worst he could say? No wasn't preferred, of course, but it wouldn't break Ren's heart. It wasn't cruel, and even if it was, Yusuke was kind enough to say it in a way that wouldn't hurt Ren too much.

Ren's third instinct was a stupid one, and by far the easiest one to ignore. That particular instinct was telling him to cross the short space between them, take Yusuke's hands, and pull him into a slow and smooth waltz before he'd even had a chance to answer. That was _really_ stupid, though, and would end with nothing but sadness for everyone involved. Before he got a chance to decide between any of those instincts, though, Yusuke's voice dragged him from his unfortunate mental spiral.

"I know precious little about dancing," Yusuke admitted bashfully, though he was still smiling through it. "I'm afraid I would simply look foolish."

There was his out. All Ren had to do was just tell Yusuke it was okay, that he didn't mind and if Yusuke ever changed his mind, he could always ask. In his mind, he knew that was probably the best thing to do. Ren's heart and his mind were in a knock-down drag-out fight, though. His heart wanted to reassure Yusuke, and offer to teach him. _Actually_ , that wasn't true. His heart _still_ wanted to cross the distance between them and pull Yusuke close, then step into a waltz. Maybe the instinct wasn't as easy to ignore as he'd originally thought. In the end, his mind and his heart seemed to come to an agreement; an agreement which had his cheeks flushing beet red as he spoke again.

In a voice that didn't sound nearly as confident as he wished it would, Ren croaked, "I can teach you." It was out there now, there was no turning back. "We can do a simple waltz or something. It might be fun… if you want."

Yusuke laughed. "Well, if you think yourself capable of teaching someone who has no experience with dance whatsoever, then by all means, direct me."

As soon as Yusuke finished speaking, he stood and approached Ren. He stopped about a foot in front of Ren, and their proximity was a little bit overwhelming for a second. Ren met his eye and smiled nervously, before holding his index finger up in a 'just a second' gesture. He headed back to the bench and picked his phone up again, cycling through his playlists and settling on one of his slower ones; perfectly tempoed for waltzes. With the playlist settled, he returned to Yusuke and took his place in front of his friend again, trying to figure out where to start.

Then, he realized... there was absolutely no way of getting out of this without feeling awkward. Briefly, he considered switching the dance to something less intimate, something where their bodies wouldn't be pressed so close to each other. Ultimately, it was Yusuke's choice, and Ren decided to leave it in his hands.

"Um... so, it just occurred to me," Ren started. "For the Viennese waltz, we'll have to be sort of close. If that bothers you—"

Yusuke cut him off with a shake of his head. "It doesn't."

It was a little surprising, how sharply the words came from Yusuke's lips and how his voice hitched just slightly. Ren had never really heard his voice sound like that before. He always sounded clear and eloquent when he spoke, like every word was well-thought-out and they all had a purpose. This was different, and Ren couldn't help but wonder where the hitch and nervousness came from. It _definitely_ didn't have anything to do with being close to Ren. It couldn't have.

With a nod that was _supposed_ to portray confidence but likely only looked all the more nervous, Ren answered, "O-okay. Then..."

Ren stepped a little bit closer. He still wasn't as close as he was supposed to be in a proper Viennese waltz, but he was still closer than he'd been to Yusuke before now... and they were only going to get closer from here. He chased those thoughts from his head and reached down to pick Yusuke's left hand up. After placing Yusuke's left hand on Ren's right shoulder, Ren placed his right hand on Yusuke's back. He squared up so his feet were slightly to the right of Yusuke's, then took Yusuke's right hand in his left. With a nervous laugh, Ren came to the realization that he was probably focusing a little too hard on their positioning so he didn't have to look Yusuke in the eye from this close.

Finally, Ren lifted his head and did just that. They were so close. Even closer than they'd been the other night. Ren could feel his heart stumbling, and his words completely disappeared as he took in Yusuke's appearance from this close. How was it possible that the closer Ren got, the more beautiful Yusuke looked?

"The only dancing I ever see in art is done in the traditional hand-on-waist, opposite arms out fashion, like the style you see in movies," Yusuke remarked quietly. "This is... quite different."

Ren chuckled, probably a little too breathily, and answered. "Tangos and salsas, right?"

Yusuke nodded. "Yes. I had to observe a tango class and draw it. I'm rather intrigued by how different this is," he admitted.

With a thoughtful hum, Ren murmured, "Honestly, I don't remember why Viennese waltz is positioned this way. I'm sure my ballroom teacher taught me, but all I remember is something about how the leader is supposed to display the follower and let the whole room see exactly how beautiful they are." He paused and smiled shyly. That was fitting here, since Ren would be the leader and Yusuke would be the follower.

"Something to research in my spare time, I suppose. If I ever want to properly capture a Viennese waltz on paper, I have to understand the intricacies, after all," Yusuke pointed out like it should've been obvious.

Ren met his eyes again. "I can help you," he told Yusuke.

The smile on Yusuke's face softened, and he nodded calmly. "That would be lovely."

A few seconds passed, with the pair of them simply standing in position with waltz music playing in the background, and to be honest, Ren was completely content with things the way they were right then. Yusuke was close, and Ren was rapidly realizing that didn't really need much more to be happy. Even so, he had promised Yusuke a dance, so he glanced back down at their feet.

"Okay, so… the Viennese waltz is rotary, in a counterclockwise circle," Ren explained. "We'll basically be like cogs in a giant clock or something. Spinning while dancing in a circle, and moving in a three-step. So, you'll have to step backward with your left foot, then out with your right, then bring the left together with your right… and I'll be doing the opposite."

Yusuke was quiet as he examined their positions and paid close attention to each and every word Ren said. A part of Ren wondered if he was planning to use it in a drawing or a painting or something. He went quiet as he considered it for a second, then smiled lopsidedly. Yusuke had already drawn him once. Ren would've loved to see a drawing of the two of them together. A drawing of them, this close, moving together across an imaginary dance floor. Every eye in the imaginary room would be on Yusuke, and every person would seethe with jealousy and wonder what was so special about Ren to deserve someone so beautiful...

Snapping out of his reverie, Ren went back to explaining the waltz to Yusuke. "So... typically, we'd be bobbing and leaning and spinning and all kinds of crazy stuff, but we can take it easy until you get the steps down," he told Yusuke with a grin.

"Okay. Whatever you want, Ren. You lead and I shall follow," Yusuke murmured.

Ren half-smiled. "Cool," he answered, trying to sound as casual as he probably _should_ have. "And... don't worry about stepping on my feet, okay? I'm more or less immune to it at this point."

As Yusuke laughed quietly, Ren's confident smirk wilted into a shy smile. Yusuke was _already_ beautiful from this close, but when he laughed it almost stole the breath right from Ren's lungs. He swallowed thickly, before forcing himself back into confidence and standing up straight.

"Ready?" Ren asked.

Yusuke nodded.

Just like that, as soon as the music circled around to a good spot, Ren led them into their waltz. It wasn't perfect at first. Yusuke stumbled a couple of times as they tried to settle into the right rhythm, but with Ren's hand on his back, they stayed standing properly. He also stepped on Ren's feet a couple of times and murmured an embarrassed apology each time, which Ren countered with a reminder that he was used to it. After a while, though, they settled into a slow, smooth rhythm. As Yusuke got slightly more comfortable, Ren started to throw in a few of the bobs and leans.

With a smile, Ren murmured, "You're a fast learner."

"I have a good teacher," Yusuke replied. "You're so light on your feet, even while leading me, and even though I've made a dozen mistakes, you've never stepped on my feet or fallen prey to my inexperience."

Ren smiled as they fell silent again and continued to spin and sway to the music together. He never thought he would be able to share this particular passion with another person again. He thought it would be something he missed for the rest of his life. It was another thing Yusuke was somehow proving wrong. Yusuke seemed interested in dance, and maybe more importantly, he seemed to be interested in Ren's _passion_ for dance. Maybe, Ren reasoned, it was less about sharing his passion for dance and it was more about mixing his passion for dance with his passion for Yusuke...

Yusuke's expression, focused but still smiling, caught Ren's attention, and a sudden urge took him over. Before Ren's brain could catch up to the rest of him and tell him it probably wasn't the best idea, his heart took the reins and spoke directly to his hands and arms. The accord they came to had him lifting Yusuke's hand over his head, spinning him around a couple of times, and then tugging him back into proper waltz position. Quickly, he realized that doing so when Yusuke was still learning the steps was kind of unfair, though, because when he came back to face Ren, he stumbled and tripped forward with his head coming to rest on Ren's shoulder.

Embarrassment flooded Ren's face quickly. "Oh, damn it! I'm so sorry, I—"

Much to Ren's surprise, though, Yusuke was laughing. The sound was muffled against Ren's shoulder, but it was definitely laughter. "Don't be sorry," Yusuke reassured him. "Aside from the stumble—no, even _with_ the stumble, actually—that was incredibly exhilarating!"

Yusuke lifted his head, and they were face to face, even closer than the last time. The feeling was becoming all too familiar to Ren. The breathlessness and stuttering of his heart, the heat and electricity between them… it wasn't the first time he'd felt it, and it probably wouldn't be the last. In fact, if Ren wasn't careful he could find himself getting addicted to it. Once again, Ren found himself considering closing the short distance between them and kissing Yusuke. It would've been so easy, and it would have answered so many questions, all the questions that kept Ren awake at night.

Quickly, Ren recovered and shook the thought off. It was a terrible idea. Yusuke wasn't interested in him. Yusuke _shouldn't_ have been interested in him. He tried to will the redness out of his cheeks quickly before Yusuke noticed it.

"I'm, uh... sorry," Ren repeated.

Yusuke shook his head. "There's no need to apologize," he insisted. "As long as we're both unhurt, I'm perfectly fine. Were you hurt?"

Shaking his head as well, Ren tried to smile. "No. I'm... I'm fine."

A smile returned to Yusuke's face, and he asked, "Shall we finish the song then?"

It was strange. Ren couldn't help but notice a new tone in Yusuke's voice. It was slightly breathier and heavier than usual, and Ren wondered what it was about. Maybe it was exertion from the dance, or maybe it was because he was still catching his breath from his near-spill moments ago. He didn't ask. Instead, he simply nodded in response to Yusuke's question and placed his hands back in their proper waltz positions. As they fell back into the waltz, just as easily as before, Yusuke watched their feet like he was trying to memorize the movements. His cheeks were still red, and Ren was _sure_ it was just because of the exertion.

It had to be. There was no way it could've been because of Ren. No way.

The end of the song was coming quickly. Ren considered the situation quietly for a second, before coming to the conclusion that someone as amazing as Yusuke deserved a proper waltz, with a proper waltz ending. Even if the only creatures they were on display for were frogs, cicadas, and crickets, Ren didn't care. Yusuke was just as much a work of art as the things he painted. He was beautiful, and he deserved to be displayed more than any dance follow in the world. Part of him hoped that Yusuke was slightly better prepared for a dip than he was for the spin, but he swore to himself that he'd do whatever he could to ensure he didn't fall.

With that in mind, Ren leaned in and whispered in Yusuke's ear. "If you thought the spin was exhilarating… you're going to love this."

Yusuke's body moved lithely with Ren's guidance, resting the whole of his weight against Ren's arm where it rested across his back. He leaned back, his arm reaching out, stretching so far that his fingertips nearly brushed the ground. Yusuke's head tilted back, exposing his neck, and Ren's mind spun in a cyclone of temptation and logic.

Temptation pleaded with him to lean down and press his lips to the pale, smooth skin. Logic insisted that it was wrong; that it was nothing but a big mistake, and his new friendship with Yusuke was too precious to put at risk. If he was just a little bit braver, maybe he could…

No. Not until he knew for sure his feelings were shared.

Breathing in a slow and steadying breath, Ren helped Yusuke stand up again. That did very little to help, though, when it put their faces mere inches apart. Yusuke was a few inches taller than Ren, but the way that he leaned forward and into Ren's space put them eye-to-eye with each other. Ren could feel his heart, threatening to hammer its way from his chest. It was almost like every cell in his body was coming to life; like he wanted nothing more than to just… kiss Yusuke until neither of them could breathe.

Except, that was when he remembered those words.

_"I can't be with you anymore, Ren. Not with your history. That assault is like an anchor, to you and to those close to you. Anyone you love, anyone who loves you, will be pulled down underwater along with you. I'm sorry. You have to understand."_

It had hurt, but Goro wasn't wrong. The assault charge, no matter how fraudulent it was, would be nothing but an anchor for anyone unlucky enough to be involved with Ren. Yusuke was bright, like the sun reflecting off a river or the ocean. That light couldn't be dimmed by being pulled into the water and doused out.

"That was… definitely more than exhilarating." Yusuke's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

As Ren slid his arm down from Yusuke's back and slowly detached their fingers, he cursed his own cowardice. If he'd been just a little bit braver; if he wasn't holding onto this year-old betrayal, he could have just done it. It was Goro's words—Goro's acknowledgment that his past made him like an anchor to anyone around him—and the truth in them that held him back. He couldn't drag Yusuke underwater with him. He couldn't love Yusuke... it wouldn't be fair to him.

"You're a natural."

The words came out a lot more pathetically than Ren wanted them to. He could hear his own disappointment and self-loathing dripping from each word he spoke, and he shook it off before he allowed himself to look up and meet Yusuke's eyes again. It was for Yusuke's sake. If he wanted to keep their friendship and keep Yusuke's light from being doused out, he had to ignore his feelings. He _had_ to.

In stark contrast to those thoughts, it seemed like Ren's heart was more than content to ignore his mind's wishes. "You know, if you want to learn to ballroom dance for real? More than just the waltz, I mean? I can teach you."

More time spent with their bodies pressed close together. It was either the best or worst idea Ren had ever come up with. Ren's still-pounding heart made him feel like it was the worst, at least for Yusuke.

For someone so determined to protect Yusuke from being doused out by the undertow, Ren couldn't help but realize that he was latching the anchor right onto Yusuke's ankle. Still, just being around him felt so good; so right, that Ren was willing to look past that for now. Yusuke's smile as he stood before Ren, nodding eagerly and excitedly, did nothing more than solidify that willingness.

Yusuke's reaction made him care a whole lot less, though. With clear excitement in his eyes, Yusuke perked and the smile on his face grew even wider. "Oh, that would be superb!" he declared. "Perhaps... I could teach you to paint in return? If you would like to learn."

"That would be fun," Ren agreed with a little grin. "Just don't expect too much. I'm barely good enough to match my own clothes, let alone picking decent paint colors."

Grinning in reply as he headed back toward the bench to sit, Yusuke shrugged. "That's the marvelous thing about art, Ren. It's less about matching colors and more about expressing oneself. Were you not the one who told me to paint what I feel?" His smile went smug, like he was throwing Ren's own words back at him.

Even Ren couldn't deny the truth in them. "You've got me there," he mused.

"I am truly looking forward to this. When do you wish to begin?" Yusuke asked.

Ren shrugged. "Next week? Thursday for painting and Friday for dancing? That way I can brush up on proper waltz steps myself," he added with a grin of his own.

The excitement in Yusuke's eyes was almost enough to make Ren change his mind and tell Yusuke exactly how he was starting to feel. Almost. Not quite. As they packed up to head back to their individual homes for the night, Ren tried to calm his heart from its attempt to hammer its way from his chest. It didn't matter how he felt. He had to ignore it. He couldn't change their friendship, nor did he want to, but he couldn't let his feelings convince him to do anything stupid. For Yusuke's sake as well as his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO CLOSE, BUT SO FAR AWAY. :| I'm sure you guys hate me so much at this point... OH WELL, TOO LATE NOW.
> 
> Thanks, as ever, to Pam and Treya for the betas! ♥


	10. Dig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _if i turn into another,_  
>  _dig me up from under what is covering_  
>  _the better part of me..._  
> [dig](https://open.spotify.com/track/5wvYib82q05wiNjLElD8GJ?si=ZFO6995EQ0er4l5Fy54a5A) ;; incubus  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMsZ6wkZWhA) ]

In about two hours, Ren had plans to meet Yusuke at his apartment to start their lesson exchange. Yusuke was at class, but Ren had been getting messages on and off all day about how his professor still held a grudge about the situation with Madarame, and how Yusuke feared he would fail the particular class he was in. Ren's plan was to leave somewhat early with the hope of beating him to his apartment and starting as quickly as possible with the chance to cheer him up. He had a plan. Once they got in, before they started Ren's art lesson, Ren would order delivery, or maybe they could walk to pick up some sushi together. Then, once they ate, they could start Ren's lesson.

For the moment, he was sitting at Leblanc with the rest of his friends around. Since it was dead otherwise, Ren had even let Mona come down to get a little treat from Ann, who was feeding him leftover shrimp bits from a dish Ren had just made for a customer.

Ren was already a little exasperated. Futaba, in grand detail, was telling their friends everything that had happened last night. With red cheeks, Ren tried to keep his face from view as Futaba told them all about the dance, about _Ren's_ dance, and about how Ren had made the biggest fool imaginable out of himself by asking Yusuke to dance.

"Naturally, he said yes," Futaba announced, turning a wide and wild grin on Ren. "So, they did the whole ballroom dance thing for a little bit, and it was super romantic and sweet. It looked like something out of a movie!"

Haru clapped her hands a few times and beamed. "Ren, I'm so proud of you! I know how difficult it must have been to confess your feelings like that, and—"

With a loud snort, Futaba shook her head and cut Haru off. "Yeah, no. As if Flower Child could ever be that smooth," she pointed out, her voice obviously disappointed and annoyed. "They were dancing and it was super sweet and romantic and everything. I could cut the tension with a knife. Ren spun him and he tripped, but Ren caught him and everything... all sweet and fluffy and romantic. Then Ren _dipped_ him!"

Ann smirked. " _Dipped_ him? Wow, Ren, I didn't know you could ballroom dance!"

Before Ren could answer, Futaba cut in and huffed in annoyance. "So, the scene is set. Inari is dipped and he's like, stretching back like he's all ready for some Flower Child smoochin'," she leaned over Ann and Makoto's laps lavishly, stretching her arm out so it touched the wall. Just as quickly as she'd leaned back, though, she sat up straight and cast a frustrated glare at Ren. "BUT THEN HE CHICKENED OUT LIKE AN IDIOT!"

Futaba's voice was so loud that Ren could swear some of the people outside Leblanc turned to look. As it stood, the sound of her voice echoed throughout the room and sent Mona jumping off the table and skittering up the stairs back to Ren's room. Mona wasn't a skittish cat, to say the least. It took a lot to startle him. Futaba's disapproving declaration seemed to be the limit.

Scoffing, Ann turned to look at Ren. "Seriously?!" she asked, incredulously.

Up to this point, Ren had been so focused on his embarrassment that one thought seemed to escape his attention: if Futaba had seen all of this happen, then that meant... "Wait," he paused and turned to Ann. "Does this mean you were serious about Futaba's tap on my phone?" He slid his phone from his pocket and looked it over, like he could see any sort of visible tap.

"Yeah?" Futaba answered. "Of course I did. I tapped all your phones."

Ryuji blinked and turned his attention from Ren to Futaba. "Wait, why?" he asked.

Waving dismissively, Futaba shrugged. "Not important! What _is_ important is that _Flower Child_ freakin' blew it! You had a chance to make with the smooches and you didn't, and I _demand to know why_!" she announced, moving from her seat and climbing up onto a stool so she could be closer to Ren and level him even further with a glare.

Ren sighed, turning his gaze away from Futaba and stirring some sugar into his coffee. Futaba probably meant well. No, she _definitely_ meant well. The problem was... they didn't understand. Sure, they knew what Goro said to Ren a year ago. Ren told them about it a few days after it happened, and they'd all done their best to support him through it. They didn't realize exactly how hard it was to pick himself back up from the ground after having all his greatest fears confirmed, though. They didn't realize exactly how terrifying the thought of being turned away again was to him...

Fortunately, Haru picked the slack up and turned her attention to Futaba. "Be patient," she insisted, her tone gentle. "It isn't as easy for Ren as it was for all of us. He and Yusuke don't have the advantage of having been friends for years like we have. They're still learning about each other."

"Exactly," Makoto agreed. "Going in for a kiss after knowing him for a week? It's a little unfair of us to expect that, don't you think? It took all of us years before we made our moves, if you'll recall."

Futaba snorted a laugh and raised her chin at Makoto. "Says the one who took the longest," she teased.

Laughing aloud, Ryuji nodded vehemently. "Seriously! I thought you guys were never gonna get your heads out of your asses," he pointed out.

As Futaba nodded along with Ryuji, she stabbed a piece of shrimp with her fork and pointed the food-filled utensil at Ryuji when she answered. "Yeah, well, we just have to hope Ren doesn't keep us waiting for years like they did," she countered, before turning her attention back to Ren.

It looked like she was going to say something else, but Ren didn't want to give her the chance. It wasn't like this was just... one of those things he could just do. Maybe it was stupid of him to be so nervous. They'd done a lot of things couples did. They'd held hands, they'd danced together, and Ren sometimes saw little glimpses of things that almost _looked_ like attraction and interest in Yusuke's eyes... 

No. No, Ren couldn't let himself be fooled by wishful thinking. If he did something about it and it turned out he was wrong, it would ruin his friendship with Yusuke. That would hurt Ren just as much as anything Goro could've said to him.

"Stop," Ren told her.

Futaba's brows furrowed. "Huh?"

With a heavy sigh, Ren shook his head. "Just... please stop. It's... it's not like that, alright?"

Exasperation radiated from Ann almost like it was coming off in waves as she turned to look at Ren. "So you're telling us you _don't_ like him, then?" she asked.

"Ann..." Ren muttered.

As usual, though, Ann wasn't to be swayed. "No, I'm just curious! If we're like, barking up the wrong tree or something, if you don't like Yusuke, let us know we've got the wrong idea and we'll leave you alone, right guys?" She turned her attention to the others.

No matter what they promised, Ren knew better than to believe they'd leave him alone, though. He sighed. "It doesn't matter if I do like him or don't like him," he answered, fully realizing that to his friends it was like more or less admitting to his feelings. "It's not that simple. You guys know it."

The room went quiet, other than Ren's Bluetooth speaker playing his dance playlist. Sighing, Ren took a long and slow sip from his coffee cup. He felt a little bad for snapping, and for not being able to answer the way he knew his friends wanted him to, but they knew why he was hesitant. Somehow, for some reason, none of them were willing to understand it. He could hear Futaba scoffing in frustration, and the slight tinging noise of Haru stirring sugar into her second cup of coffee, so he didn't bother to look up to see the myriad of frustrated looks pointed his way. He'd seen them all before and didn't need to see them again.

When he finally looked up, it was just in time to feel a sharp shove against his right shoulder. Ren blinked, tilting his head at Ryuji, who stood right in front of him with his eyes solidly settled into a disapproving glare. Right behind him stood Ann with a similarly annoyed look on her face. Ren supposed it was too unrealistic to think they'd just let it drop.

"You're bein' a massive idiot, Ren," Ryuji accused.

Ren sighed. "Ryuji."

But Ryuji shook his head and shoved Ren's shoulder again. "No, shut the fuck up, dude. Listen to me. If this is all 'cause of what Asskechi said to you, like, a year ago? Then you're not as smart as I thought you were," he rumbled out.

Ann nodded. "Seriously! Akechi dumped you for a _super dumb reason_ , Ren!" She crossed her arms at her chest. "If you're gonna let him haunt you for the rest of your life—"

"It's not that simple!" Ren's voice was a little louder than he expected it to be.

Scoffing loudly, Ryuji insisted, "It _is_ that simple. Asskechi is an asshole, and you're bein' a fuckin' idiot." Then, he stopped talking, like his answer was the be-all-end-all in this case.

Before Ren could even think of a way to respond to his declaration, Ann shouldered her way past him and demanded Ryuji to, "get out of my way," before stopping in front of Ren.

Somewhere in the room, Ryuji was asking Ann what the hell she was doing, but that barely had a chance to register on Ren's radar, because instead, he felt Ann clasp her hands down on his shoulders and shake him. With Ann's surprising strength, the whole room seemed to shake like it was in an earthquake. As soon as she finished, she grabbed the collar of his shirt with one fist and grunted in annoyance.

Then, Ann spoke in an uncharacteristically angry voice. "Ren. You've supported all of us when we had our criseses—"

"Crises..." Makoto corrected from the booth.

"—and made sure we could all see when we were acting stupid. So now it's my turn," Ann snapped, before shaking Ren again and shouting, "You're being a stupid idiot!"

Futaba nodded. "Pretty big deal, since you're like, one of the smartest people I know," she added.

With a nod, Ann continued. "Yeah, so if you don't start being smarter, and acting like the Ren we all know and love, Makoto's gonna hit you!" With her free hand, she pointed behind her back at Makoto.

Blinking, Makoto shook her head. "Ann, I'm not going to—"

"Play along, Mako!" Ann told her girlfriend.

In spite of Ann's words and the way the situation was unfolding—with everyone ganging up on him like this—Ren couldn't stifle a soft chuckle. "Guys," he murmured.

Ann huffed. "Ugh! Just... _listen_ to what we're telling you, Ren! What we've been trying to tell you since this whole situation started!" As soon as she finished yelling at him, she shook him again.

"Will you _stop_ shaking me?" Ren asked.

Ann still didn't stop. "Are you gonna listen to me?"

Making a disapproving sound from his throat, Ren asked, "Are you gonna stop shaking me if I don't?"

"No."

"Then yes."

Finally, Ann stopped shaking him. For a second, the room spun as Ren tried to regain his bearings and not stumble into the counter. Instead, he used the counter as a crutch, leaning his full weight against it until the dizziness died down. A quick glance in front of him told him Ann had backed up, but was still standing close enough to start up again if the whim struck her.

With a sigh, Ann continued. "Alright, I'm sorry for shaking you," she mumbled. "It's just... you've been carrying this stupid Akechi stuff with you for a year. A whole year spent stressing over the opinion of someone who never deserved you in the first place. I know he said some really bad stuff to you, and I know he made you feel really, really lousy about yourself..."

"Fuckin' loser," Ryuji growled.

Through an agreeing smile, Haru patted the booth next to her. "Ryuji, come sit with me, please. You're not helping."

Hesitantly, Ryuji obeyed his girlfriend, walking out from behind the counter to join her in their booth. Ren brushed a hand through his hair and looked at Ann, but before he could open his mouth to defend himself, Ann stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder. This time, she didn't shake him. Instead, she squeezed his shoulder in support, and flashed him a gentle smile.

"I know it hurt you really bad," Ann continued. "What he said to you and what he _did_ to you was really crappy. There's no doubt there. But _he's_ the one who lost out."

Futaba nodded. "Think about it, Ren," she added. "If he's afraid that someone with a slightly checkered past is gonna drag him down? Then he's in for a super long lifetime of suck."

As Makoto set her cup back down, she tacked her two cents on. "The real right thing to do would have been to use his occupational influence to help you clear your name. Instead, he chose to use to use his personal influence over you to ensure you had a very difficult time picking yourself back up again."

They always said that; they always told Ren that if Goro had ever really cared about him, he would have helped try to prove Ren's innocence, like each of his friends had tried to do. Ren had heard this speech so many times over the past year. In fact, he probably had it memorized. They always told him that it was actually Goro who screwed up, that Goro was the one in the wrong. That if Goro was a halfway decent person he wouldn't have thrown away what he had with Ren just because he was afraid of being judged by his new professional colleagues. They always pointed out how if the love Goro had for Ren was real, it wouldn't have mattered.

Sometimes it helped remind Ren that he could do better. Luckily, that was exactly what was happening. Maybe they were right. Goro was a detective, and the career move that put an end to their relationship was a move into politics. Maybe he could have used his new connections to clear Ren's name, but he hadn't.

Seeming to sense Ren's attention, Haru jumped in. "Consider it for a moment, Ren. You're holding onto words from someone who never truly appreciated you like you should be appreciated. Can you ever see Yusuke thinking something like that about you?" she asked.

"You're forgetting that I don't know him all too well," Ren reminded her.

Futaba snorted a disapproving noise. "Says the one he told about the whole Madarame situation after like, two days. It took us months to figure out he ran away, b-t-w," she pointed out.

Shrugging, Ren tried to rebuke her. "It's just because—"

"It's just because he trusts you," Makoto insisted, cutting Ren's rebuke off before he had the chance to say it.

Ryuji's eyes were wide as he looked at Ren from across the room. "Wait. So you're tellin' me you're scared he might _be like_ Asskechi? 'Cause if you are—"

"No!" Ren shook his head adamantly. "No! That's not what I'm saying!"

It seemed like Ryuji had finally reached his exasperation limit, because, in a rumbling voice, he told Ren, "Then don't be a fuckin' idiot."

Sighing, Haru placed her hand on top of Ryuji's. "That's quite enough, Ryuji," she told him. "However, Ryuji isn't wrong. You're being foolish." She looked at Ren, her expression still gentle but her gaze a little sharper than usual.

Ann sighed in resignation. "Alright. If you're not gonna just kiss him, maybe you can at least _talk_ to him," she pleaded. "Tell him you think you might like him, but then tell him why you're nervous about it. Think of who you're talking about, Ren. He's not gonna be a jerk about it and you know it as well as we do."

Before Ren could reply, Makoto continued. "Not even for our sake, and not even for yours, since I know that isn't what motivates you," she pointed out with a fond smile. "Do it for his sake. I'm sure the song and dance you two are doing is confusing to him, too." As soon as she finished her sentence, she took a slow sip from her coffee cup and flashed Ren an encouraging smile.

Ren's reply got caught in his throat, and he bit his lip. He hadn't considered what his feelings may have been doing to Yusuke, and as soon as the thought entered his mind, he couldn't help but feel guilty about it. He turned his glance to the clock instead of giving an immediate answer. It was almost time to leave, if he wanted to be at Yusuke's early. Inhaling slowly, in a feeble attempt to calm the nerves suddenly springing up and making him doubt himself, he turned to look back at the others as he untied his apron and handed it to Futaba.

"Maybe," Ren finally answered. "I'll think about it. That's... that's all I'm promising."

With a satisfied smile, Makoto nodded. "That's all I'm asking."

Ann scoffed. "Not me!"

"Ann..." Makoto answered with a fond laugh.

Sighing in resignation, Ann slumped her shoulders. "I know, I know..."

So, with that, he said a brief goodnight to his friends and completely shut down the possibility of any more conversation about his situation with Yusuke. On his way out the door, he asked Futaba to make sure Mona's dish and litter box were clean, then he rushed away before any of them could get any more ideas. Then, he departed for Yusuke's atelier with a whole new lump of anxiety knotting up in his stomach and making it do flips and spins inside him. If he _did_ tell Yusuke how he felt, he knew that it would end with him having to confess exactly why he was being so weird about it. That fact made him way more nervous than it had any right to. Even so, Makoto was absolutely right. Yusuke had every right to know.

Ren had to trust that his friends were right. At the very least, he knew that Yusuke was nothing like Goro, which allowed him to hope that they could get through the conversation with their friendship intact. If, in the end, Yusuke didn't look at him the same way? Well... he'd cross that bridge when he came to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR, this wasn't a filler chapter. ♥ It was necessary in the grand scheme of things!
> 
> Thanks to Treya and Pam for looking it over again! ♥


	11. Would You Be So Kind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i have a question; it might seem strange,_  
>  _how are your lungs? are they in pain?_  
>  _'cause mine are aching; think I know why_  
>  _i kinda like it though... you wanna try?_  
> [would you be so kind?](https://open.spotify.com/track/3ZiuxcBeRanTjfHzVBuuQe?si=OrnLNOu5S5-t6Cy2HA7PYA) ;; dodie clark  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRW1JcSRPgU) ]

When Ren got off the train in Ueno, his friends' words were still fresh in his mind. It was a lot to wrap his head around, but in Ren's heart, he knew they were right. Yusuke really wasn't anything like Goro. It wasn't even fair to compare the two of them. Not only because Ren and Yusuke were _friends_ , not anything more, but also because Yusuke, as a person, really _was_ endlessly different. Despite knowing that, the thought of opening his guts up and letting all his feelings spill onto the floor was pretty nerve-wracking. No matter how different Yusuke was, there was still a chance he wouldn't feel the same way.

Maybe it was still best not to rush into these types of things, Ren reasoned. As he approached the front door to Yusuke's apartment building, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and he slid it out to look it over.

It was Yusuke, informing Ren that he'd be a little late getting back, because he had to pick up some food for them to make for dinner. Even just a glance at the text messages made Ren smile. Yusuke's speech was so formal, which translated to his text messages and made it so Ren could almost hear the words in his voice. Quickly he replied, telling Yusuke it was okay, and that he was glad he'd come hungry.

 _"Oh, I suppose I should have asked if you were hungry. Knowing that you are, however, what is your favorite thing to cook?"_ Yusuke sent another message shortly after Ren sent his reply.

Thinking for a second. Ren laughed softly as he walked through Yusuke's neighborhood. The same wanted signs adorned the convenience store, but there were a few more added to the mix now. A few of them Ren recognized as people who lived in Yusuke's building. Shaking the thought off, he typed a quick reply. _"I don't really have a preference, honestly. It depends on what I'm in the mood for,"_ he answered.

Ren only made it a few steps before another text came in. _"Well, what are you in the mood for tonight?"_ Yusuke's message read.

Truth be told, beyond the plan to order out, Ren hadn't really thought that far ahead. The conversation he'd had with the others ended up occupying his mind a little too much, and he was too focused on possibly telling Yusuke how he felt tonight to really care about dinner. So, he replied quickly. _"Hadn't put much thought into it, actually. Whatever you're in the mood for is fine by me,"_ he answered.

By the time Yusuke replied again, Ren was sitting on the floor across the hall from Yusuke's building. _"Is omelet and fried rice something you can do with my setup?"_ the reply read.

 _"Sure, I can make that,"_ Ren replied quickly.

Then, he laughed. After Yusuke replied, telling Ren that he would be back shortly, Ren slid his phone back into his pocket and leaned his head back against the wall. With his friends, sometimes even with Sojiro, it fell upon Ren to cook. It probably should have bothered him, but it didn't. It gave him a way to help the people he cared about the most, and plus, he really enjoyed cooking. Curry was easy, and most of the time that was what people wanted. Omelet with fried rice was something he hadn't made for a long time. He used to make it for himself when he was a kid and needed comfort food, so it would be nice to revisit.

Yusuke's small kitchen and hot plate may have added a new challenge to the situation, but Ren could make it work. For Yusuke, he'd have found a way to make _anything_ work, even if he didn't have the right ingredients.

As Ren looked around the apartment building, he couldn't help but worry. Between the people he'd seen on the wanted posters at the convenience store and how the place looked like it desperately needed repairs, Ren wondered how long it would be until _something_ bad happened. An artist like Yusuke, with expensive paints and paintings which were probably worth a fortune all through his apartment, was a prime target for thefts. Maybe it was a little hypocritical for him to worry. He had a criminal record himself, and who knew if the people on the wanted posters had actually _committed_ the crimes they were being accused of... but Ren couldn't help but worry all the same.

The exact moment the thought crossed his mind, the same man from the other day passed Ren and narrowed his eyes in a glare. Ren's defenses immediately rose, and he cast a suspicious look at the man. Fortunately, before any more trouble or danger could crop up, a familiar voice hit his ears from down the hall.

"Ren!" Yusuke called, and Ren could hear the grocery bags rustling in his arms. "My apologies. I hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long."

Ren turned to look at Yusuke, shaking his head and listening to the man who'd been staring grumble as he walked away. "Nah. Our friends kept me busy, so I just got here about ten minutes ago." He stood from the floor and took the grocery bags from Yusuke's hands.

A little smile crossed Yusuke's face as he rooted around in his pocket for his keys. "Good. I managed to procure everything we needed to make omelet and fried rice. I hope you don't mind shrimp and vegetables," he announced as he slid the key into the lock.

"No, I can work with that," Ren answered with a little smile. "Are we going to wait until after the lesson to eat, or—"

Laughing bashfully, Yusuke opened the door and slid a hand through his hair. "Would you be terribly offended if I wanted to eat beforehand?" he asked as he set the grocery bags down. "I was inspired earlier, and I ended up staying in the studio at school through my lunch period." The confession was met with a bashful smile, likely because Ren had chastised him the last time he'd done that.

Ren half-smiled. "Bet it happens all the time, huh?"

Nodding, Yusuke pushed the door closed behind Ren and immediately started rifling through the bags to put the groceries away. "It _is_ rather difficult to stop once I've gotten into the right head-space. Since we've started spending time together, I find it significantly more difficult to get out of an artistic head-space than into one," he confessed with a bashful grin.

With a little grin, Ren thought to himself how glad he was that their friendship had been beneficial to more than just him. Of course, he doubted exactly how much part he had in Yusuke finding his creativity again, but if Yusuke was willing to give him any credit and was willing to think of Ren as a positive influence, he was grateful. A glance out into the larger part of Yusuke's apartment showed exactly how much painting he'd been doing. There were several more paintings on display now than there had been the last time Ren was here, and all of them felt exactly like the introspective pieces Ren had seen him paint.

Grinning, Ren mused, "Wow. You really have been at work."

"Yes," Yusuke answered. "I'm running low on paints for the first time in almost six months. I'm going to have to make a trip to my usual supplier sometime within the next week or so."

It was a relief to hear Yusuke sounding so happy about art. It seemed like any hint of his struggling was gone. "Good. So your scholarship isn't in trouble anymore?" he asked.

Yusuke shook his head, and his smile grew a little bit more. "Quite the contrary, actually. My instructors are quite pleased with my work. One of them even told me that she believes I've finally 'found myself' as an artist."

"Little does she know," Ren mused with a grin as he placed a pan on Yusuke's hot plate.

Chuckling, Yusuke shrugged. "I can't take all the credit, though," he mused as he handed Ren an entire bag of groceries.

Ren glanced inside the bag and smiled again. Most everything he needed to make the omelets was in there. There was a small spice rack over the hot plate, and while it didn't have everything he needed to make them the way he _usually_ did, it had enough for him to experiment. For example, he could use black pepper instead of white or red, and he could crush or dice half an onion and use a little bit of salt instead of using simple onion salt. They would be a little different, but Ren was pretty sure they'd still turn out decent. So, he immediately set to work frying the rice to mix into the omelet.

"Sure you can," Ren countered Yusuke's claim that he couldn't take all the credit. "You painted them, right?"

Yusuke hummed. "Well, of course," he admitted. "Even so, that doesn't change the fact that I was only able to 'find myself' because you cut through the brush and found me first, Ren. Yes, it was partially my doing, because I did use the brushes and paint the pictures." He glanced out at some of his newer paintings. "However, denying your part in my renaissance, as it were, is doing you a tragic disservice."

Furrowing his brows, Ren arched an eyebrow and shrugged as he diced an onion into tiny bits. "I guess," he mumbled.

"There is no need to guess," Yusuke told him. "I am certain enough for both of us."

It was Ren's turn to shrug as he scraped the onions from the paper plate he'd been using as a makeshift cutting board and into a small bowl while the rice came to a boil. "It goes both ways, though. If I found you, that means you found me too, and reminded me how much I love dancing." He put a daikon radish where the onion had been and started chopping it as well.

With a grin, Yusuke nodded. "It seems we bring the best out of each other," he agreed.

Ren nodded as he scraped the daikon into the bowl with the onions. "It's also nice to have someone to share my interests with," he admitted, smiling bashfully. "Not that the others wouldn't be interested, it's just—"

"—not the same," Yusuke finished. "Believe me, I understand. I love our friends, of course I do. I'm certain that Haru or Makoto would be able to understand the intricacies of introspective art, but explaining it to the others..." He paused and laughed softly. "It would probably be quite an endeavor."

Nodding, Ren laughed as he imagined their reactions to some of Yusuke's more expressive art. "Ryuji'd think it was just paint splashed on a page. Ann would probably get it a little bit, but not enough to talk for a long time about it, and Futaba..."

Yusuke chuckled. "Futaba would likely find some way to tease me about it, as she is wont to do," he answered, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

They shared a laugh, then went back to their business. Of course they spoke fondly of their friends, even as they teased them, and were only able to do so because they were fully aware that their friends would tease them right back if roles were reversed. As soon as Yusuke finished putting the rest of his groceries away, he moved a little closer to Ren and looked at the pan over his shoulder. Most of the time, Ren hated it when people looked over his shoulder like that. Usually, it felt like people were rushing him. He didn't get that feeling with Yusuke. In fact, there was something warm and comforting about Yusuke's presence so close to him.

Biting his tongue softly to keep himself from saying anything stupid—it was too soon—he transferred the cooked rice from the pot to the sesame-oiled pan. Yusuke stepped away with a smile, and Ren found himself lamenting the loss of warmth and closeness, but watched where Yusuke went. A smile spread across Ren's face as Yusuke opened a large container, stocked with many different kinds of paint. Ren turned back to the pan, mixing the rice together and then cracking the eggs into another pan to make make the omelet. He switched the two pans, and formed the egg to properly house the rice.

A few seconds passed, and Yusuke's voice echoed through the room. "Did you have any idea where you wanted to begin?"

Ren hummed to himself. "Well, I guess we could _start_ with you telling me which colors are attached to which feelings," he pointed out.

"Ah," Yusuke chuckled softly. "Well, much of that is subjective. There are, of course, standards, but a lot of it comes down to personal preference. Even a color as simple as red can mean a myriad of different things." After a pause, Ren heard him uncap a tube of paint. "You've heard the phrase 'red with anger,' I'm sure. There's also embarrassment and lust, however."

When Ren's cheeks heated up against his volition, he couldn't help but be glad his back was turned. It was a little stupid, to be honest. All Yusuke had done was speak the _word_ lust. Nothing worthy of blushing like an idiot the way Ren was. Even so, it was stupid to deny that part of his attraction _was_ physical. It was more than that, of course, but there was _definitely_ a physical, lustful element to it. Ren was grateful that Yusuke didn't know.

Sliding the first omelet to the pan, Ren cleared his throat. "That, uh, makes sense, I guess. What about blue, then?" he asked.

"Shyness," Yusuke explained after a beat of silence. "Sadness, and a sense of calm. The multiple meanings afford a lot more artistic freedom, which is very helpful when you're trying to express yourself but also keep it hidden."

Ren headed into the main room of Yusuke's atelier, and he was both surprised and not surprised at all to find that Yusuke was already in the middle of painting. It seemed almost like an impulse. Much like sometimes when Ren couldn't help moving to a beat, it seemed like Yusuke really couldn't help but paint when he had a canvas and paints in front of him. Ren was hesitant to stop him, but then remembered that he mentioned not having eaten yet that day. Before he spoke up, though, he walked up behind Yusuke to see what he was painting.

To someone who hadn't heard their conversation, it probably would have looked like nothing. Ren saw it for what it was, though. It was an abstract butterfly with one red wing and one blue wing, and the wings connected to a body that was colored with the resulting purple. Ren had only been cooking for less than fifteen minutes, and Yusuke had already managed to paint this? Happiness and amusement tugged Ren's lips up into a smile as he placed a calm hand on Yusuke's shoulder to call his attention.

Unlike the last time, Yusuke didn't jump. He merely turned, curiosity on his face as he met Ren's eyes. "Oh, is the food ready?"

"Oh." A grin crossed Ren's face as he pointed to Yusuke's cheek. "You have a little paint."

Yusuke lifted his hand in an attempt to wipe the paint away, but all he ended up doing was smearing the paint droplet just slightly. Ren chuckled softly, extending his hand and brushing it softly across Yusuke's cheek to clear the paint away. Maybe the touch was a little too tender. It was too late to take any of it back, even if it was. Ren sure he was _definitely_ imagining things when it looked like Yusuke tilted his head into Ren's hand.

Ren's eyes had to be playing tricks on him. Yusuke couldn't possibly have been smiling, and his cheeks definitely weren't red.

There was something strikingly domestic about the whole situation, and it made Ren's heart swell with warmth in a way he didn't expect. He raked his teeth along his lower lip briefly. "Let's eat?"

Yusuke seemed to visibly perk at the thought of food, and he nodded eagerly, making his way over to the table and sitting down on the floor. "I eagerly anticipate tasting this," he admitted with a smile. "Your culinary prowess makes all the five-star chefs of the world seethe with jealousy!"

It was hard to fight a smile, so Ren didn't even bother. He ignored the chair as well, joining Yusuke on the floor. "It's just an omelet with rice, Yusuke," he pointed out.

"Well," Yusuke mused as he dug his stuck his chopsticks into the omelet, "it occurs to me that I don't exactly have an ideal setup to cook for more than one person, but you improvised and managed to make a meal which looks to be from the front of a home cooking magazine." He smirked wryly as he lifted a bite and looked it over. "Even when I all but thrust the responsibility onto you."

Ren shrugged. "I don't mind," he insisted. "When I was a kid, back in Okina, I cooked on a hot plate because I didn't want to eat at the table with my parents. This was no different."

After a brief pause to take his first bite, Yusuke hummed in approval and tilted his head back as he chewed and swallowed. Then, he glanced back down to take another portion and smile. "I'm not gifted in the culinary arts," he confessed. "When I cook, I tend to get a bit carried away, which is why I don't keep too many spices on my shelves. I get too creative and things turn out inedible when I attempt to improvise."

"That's okay. Come to Leblanc. I'll cook for you. Sometimes it'll even be stuff other than curry," Ren mused, pointing the back end of his chopsticks at Yusuke between bites.

Half-smiling, Yusuke murmured, "A kind offer, but it isn't exactly frugal—"

Ren shrugged. "Who said anything about paying? You're my... my friend. Friends eat free," he pointed out, trying to ignore his near-slip. The last thing he needed was for Yusuke to think he saw them as anything other than friends.

With a soft chuckle, Yusuke picked up another bite. "Perhaps not the most sustainable business policy, but it is to my benefit, so I suppose I shouldn't complain."

As Yusuke ate another bite, Ren couldn't help but notice exactly how much of his meal was gone already. Ren smiled a little wider. There was something undeniably satisfying to having people like his cooking like Yusuke and the rest of his friends did. It was something small he could do, a slight way he could even the scales for all the huge things they did for him.

"I don't think Leblanc is going anywhere anytime soon," Ren told Yusuke with a grin. "Sojiro is still funding it. I don't know how or where he finds the money, but I won't complain as long as I still have a job."

Much to Ren's surprise, Yusuke had no response. Instead, he simply poked and jabbed at his omelet with his chopsticks, before slowly eating a bite. He looked distant and ponderous, leaving Ren to worry and wonder what was on his mind. Up until now, Yusuke hadn't really had any issue speaking his mind, but at the moment, he simply stared at his food, pointedly avoiding Ren's gaze. In fact, he continued to be evasive until they finished eating, when he quickly washed both of their plates and forks in the sink. Ren frowned. A part of him worried that he'd done something wrong. He helped Yusuke out by drying the plates and pans, before setting them back where he'd found them, but the silence was still heavy.

Finally, as they made their way from the kitchen to the living area, Ren was tired of the silence. "Hey. You okay?" he asked.

The question seemed to take Yusuke by surprise. He blinked, then laughed a hollow note. "Oh. Yes, I apologize. My mind is slightly preoccupied with..." He stopped abruptly, smoothing a hand through his hair and pulling some from the ponytail again. With a single breath of laughter, he continued. "I find myself thinking of you when you aren't around," he admitted.

Ren's eyes shot open, and he practically tripped over his own feet. "Wh-what?" he stammered. "You do?"

"Yes," Yusuke answered. "Is that odd?"

Shaking his head—maybe too sharply—Ren answered. "No! N-no, no! I mean... what have you been thinking about?" he asked, swallowing thickly and finding himself desperately hoping the answer to be the push he needed to tell Yusuke his feelings.

For a few seconds, Yusuke simply worried his lip in his mouth, as he glanced over at the butterfly painting, still on the easel. "Well, I suppose I find myself thinking of your circumstance. Among other things, but your circumstance is what bothers me the most," he explained, before rifling around in a box for a clean palette.

"My circumstance?" Ren asked.

Yusuke nodded. "You possess so much talent and passion for the things you enjoy," he explained. "You're an extraordinary dancer and a wonderful cook, as well as a kind and lovely person, but due to circumstances far beyond your control, your dreams exceed your grasp. They should be easily attainable, but..." He trailed off, frustration lining his brow and sadness in his eyes.

A wave of disappointment crashed into Ren, practically knocking him down. "Oh," he murmured.

"It bothers me, that's all," Yusuke continued. "Considering the legitimacy of the charges against you, you should be afforded the same chances as anyone else, but since the truth has yet to be revealed—"

Ren had to laugh a single hollow note at himself. Somehow, in the back of his mind, he'd managed to convince himself that Yusuke was going to make some grand confession. Sure, it was disappointing, but he couldn't let it bother him too much. "Hey, it's fine," he reassured Yusuke. "I mean, sure it sucks that I'll never be able to teach dance classes like I wanted to as a kid, but it's not all bad. Leblanc's a pretty good job, and I've got friends and family all around me, so I've got nothing to complain about, right?"

At first, Yusuke didn't answer, like he wasn't satisfied with Ren's resolve. As fine as Ren was with his life, he supposed he couldn't really expect his friends to feel the same way. Everyone seemed to think he was wasting his potential, and he supposed he had to throw Yusuke into that mix now, too. It wasn't so bad, having people think he was meant for something better, but it _did_ serve to make Ren a little more frustrated about his own situation. Sighing softly, he turned his attention to Yusuke, who was looking sadly down at the clear palette in his hand. It wasn't something Yusuke should've worried about.

"Hey," Ren called his attention, "I'm alright, okay?"

Yusuke sighed softly, nodding and turning his attention to Ren. "Yes, yes, you're right. You're more than all right, actually. You're spectacular. I just... wish there was more I could do to assist you," he admitted as he reached down to get some paint from the container.

Chuckling softly, Ren smirked. "You do. You _have_ ," he pointed out. "You've done more to help me than I can ever even tell you."

With a chuckle of his own, Yusuke shrugged. "That is merely me paying it forward," he insisted. "You deserve to have someone go above and beyond for you, and I will spend as long as it takes finding a way to do so." The declaration was made with a puffed chest, like there was absolutely no way he could be convinced otherwise.

"You don't have to—"

Yusuke shrugged. "I want to."

The silence that followed lingered in the air for a couple seconds, before Yusuke finally turned around and took the butterfly painting down from the canvas. He set it off to the side and gathered a fresh canvas in its place, then turned to Ren. With a smile on his face, he offered Ren the palette from his hand, before directing him toward the container of paints.

"We can start with the colors, like you requested," Yusuke told him. "Choose a color, and we can practice an exercise I challenged myself to as I was learning: you are to use as many shades of that particular color, and just paint. Whatever you feel right now, just find a way to translate it to the page."

Somehow, Ren reasoned, he could use this lesson to segue into the discussion he promised his friends he would try and have. He wasn't exactly sure how he would do it, but he'd find a way. He remembered Yusuke mentioning that red was the color for passion, and while passion wasn't exactly the best way to describe a budding crush… it was all he had at the moment.

However, just as he reached for a tube of red paint, an ear-piercing alarm beep rang out through the room. It was coming from the hallway. Ren dropped the palette and brush in surprise, reaching up to cover his ears. Yusuke looked startled, too, as he darted his eyes toward the door in a feeble attempt to figure out what was causing the noise.

The fire alarm.

Nothing in Yusuke's apartment was on fire, and considering smoke rose, if the fire was coming from below… they probably would have smelled something by then. The only reasonable explanation was, "It must be coming from above!"

"Yes…" Yusuke's eyes were wide as he looked up over his head.

Ren grabbed his arm and tugged. "We should leave."

Less than a second later, Yusuke nodded and looked around his apartment, gathering a couple of sketchbooks, a large box filled with paints, and some brushes. Lastly, he grabbed the butterfly painting from where it was drying the floor. Ren wanted to stop him, to tell him that nothing was worth the risk they were in right then, but the alarm was too loud and he doubted Yusuke would listen. At the very least, Ren hurried him a little with a hand on his shoulder and a head-bob toward the door.

It was hard not to panic, especially when he heard voices rushing down the hall toward the exit, but Ren kept a level head. As soon as he opened the door, the beeping alarm got three times as loud. People were still rushing by from upstairs, but Ren couldn't see any smoke or fire.

"We should go!" Ren rushed Yusuke. Even if there was no visible fire, that didn't mean there wasn't danger.

The pair of them rushed down the stairs, Ren pausing to assist a mother who was having trouble wrangling her two crying children. He told Yusuke to keep going, and that they'd meet up outside. Ren picked up one of the children, the sound of the young girl's bellowing wails almost managing to drown out the fire alarm right over his head. He carried the little girl as the mother carried her son and their dog down the last flight of stairs and out the front door.

After giving the distraught child back to her mother, Ren scanned the growing crowd for Yusuke's familiar frame. When he finally spotted his friend, he frowned. Yusuke was looking blankly up at the top floor of the building. Ren followed his gaze, and when his focus zoomed in on the top floor, he almost stumbled over backward.

The blaze was huge, and it was quickly eating up the seventh and eighth story of the ten story building. It wouldn't be long before it permeated the sixth and ninth, too. The more it took, the less safe it was for people to be in the building, which meant… even though his apartment was three floors below the blaze, Yusuke wouldn't be safe staying at home.

He had nowhere to go, for now.

Well, that wasn't exactly true. He could stay with any of their other friends. He was sure Ann and Makoto had room at their apartment. Ryuji probably had room, too. Haru especially; she had a whole mansion to herself. Sojiro would undoubtedly let Yusuke stay with him and Futaba until everything was resolved but...

Before he could stop himself, or even think about the repercussions, Ren approached Yusuke, placed a hand on his shoulder, and made the offer:

"Do you want to stay with me, at least for tonight?"

After quietly agreeing to Ren's offer, the pair quietly continued watching the inferno. Maybe it would have made more sense to just leave, but all Yusuke really had at the moment was a duffel bag full of drawing and painting supplies, and he really wanted to get into his apartment to get some clothes. For the time being, Ren opted to wait and hope that he'd be able to get in.

It was almost two a.m. by the time Yusuke was allowed to get clothes and other necessities from his apartment, and he was ordered to have a firefighter escort him, while Ren waited outside for them. Ren took the chance to text their friends and explain what had happened. When Yusuke returned, Ren escorted his dejected friend onto the train and then across town to Leblanc.

By the time they got back to Yongen-Jaya, the coffee shop had long since closed. Ren was supposed to be home hours ago, because he was supposed to open the next morning. Fortunately, after a text to Sojiro explaining the situation, he was told to take the day off and help Yusuke get squared away. For the time being, Yusuke sat on Ren's couch, a large duffel bag in front of him and his paints and art supplies sitting near the staircase. Mona had sensed the distress in Yusuke's posture and face and just about everything else, and he'd parked himself across Yusuke's lap on the couch. Ren sat on the bed, unsure of what to say at first. Ultimately, it was Yusuke who broke the silence, though.

"I'm… terribly sorry about all this, Ren."

As soon as the words hit his ears, Ren was on his feet and across the room. He sat next to Yusuke on the couch, gently wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Hey, don't apologize, okay? You've got nothing to be sorry for."

Yusuke laughed bitterly. "Tonight was supposed to be relaxing," he pointed out. "Dinner, painting lessons, perhaps more conversation..."

Shrugging, Ren pointed out, "All that stuff still happened."

"Yes, but in the end, you were forced to invite me to stay the night with you and—"

Ren cut Yusuke off with a shake of his head. "No one forced me to do anything, Yusuke," he pointed out.

Again, Yusuke sighed. "Perhaps not, but—"

"And it's not just for tonight, either, okay? You can stay here as long as you need to," Ren told him, rubbing his arm gently. "It might not be a huge place, but it's a roof. You can use the bed, and I can set up on the couch."

Yusuke shook his head vehemently. "Nonsense. I won't hear of it!" he declared. "This is your space. I'm the one intruding, and—"

"You're not intruding," Ren shook his head. "I invited you."

Exhaustion started to line Yusuke's eyes, and he breathed a heavy sigh. "Even so, I'll not stand for you sleeping on the couch while I take your bed. That is your bed. You should sleep in it," he insisted.

Ren went silent for a second. This was a perfect chance, wasn't it? He could offer to share the bed with Yusuke, they could cuddle, and Ren would finally be brave enough to tell his friend exactly how he felt. All he had to do was say it. _All_ he had to do was open his mouth and offer to share the bed...

When Ren did open his mouth, he only ended up disappointing himself, though. "How about just for tonight, then? We can figure something else out for tomorrow."

"But..." Yusuke protested, but Ren could see the resignation and tiredness in his eyes.

Meeting the exhaustion with a smile, Ren continued. "Please?" he asked. "You must be tired, and I think you'll sleep better in the bed."

Yusuke sighed. He looked down at Mona on his lap and ran his lithe fingers along the cat's back. A small smile peeked its way through the cracks when Mona's purring increased in volume and speed. Slowly, he turned his gaze back to meet Ren's and sighed again. "I have a feeling you'll be unwilling to take no for an answer," he admitted hesitantly.

Ren nodded. "Pretty much."

Despite the protests, Yusuke's smile grew a little bit more. The tension and sadness were still pretty clear on his face, but at the very least he looked a little bit less like the world had ended. "Very well. It's just another favor I have to repay, I suppose."

Someday, Ren would make Yusuke realize how unnecessary all the favor-repayment was. The only thing Ren wanted from Yusuke was his friendship. Well… he supposed it wasn't quite so simple as that, but the only thing he would admit to wanting from Yusuke was his friendship. He finally found a blanket and a stupid mascot throw pillow Futaba had given him for his birthday a few years ago. The pillow was a little too soft for his liking, but he didn't really care. He could find something better tomorrow.

Ren turned back toward the couch, smiling a little at how Mona was walking in circles on Yusuke's lap and demanding his attention. "He really likes you," he murmured.

"I have always wanted a cat," Yusuke mused. "Madarame would never allow me to have one, and I suppose I never considered it after I left."

With a grin, Ren shrugged. "You're considering it now, though," he pointed out.

Yusuke nodded and chuckled softly, bitterly. "It's certainly something to consider, for when I have a home to go back to," he told Ren sadly.

Before Ren could stop himself, he said, "You can uh... call this home for now, if you want to. I know it's not the same, but—"

Smiling again, Yusuke shrugged. "No, it's better. It feels... more like a true home. Safer, and warmer, and it smells pleasantly like coffee and curry. Though... perhaps my comfort level only exists simply because I feel so comfortable around you," he told Ren.

If the timing wasn't so terrible, Ren would have used that as an opportunity to clear up his feelings. That was twice in the same night, where the opportunity was almost perfect. Twice now, when he'd come so close to sharing how he felt, only to have just one thing be off. If the timing was better, maybe he could know if he was alone in his stupid feelings. If the timing was better, maybe he could have finally come to know what it felt like to kiss Yusuke.

Or maybe not.

Maybe, just maybe, he was chickening out. Maybe he was only using the circumstance as an excuse to stay a coward for a little while longer. The ways the situation could go wrong bounced around in his head like someone had dropped a rubber ball into one of his ears.

"So..." Ren broke the silence, "you're probably tired, huh?"

Yusuke hummed an affirmative answer. "Loath though I am to admit it, yes. I could sit here with you and your cat until the sun comes up if my tired body would allow it."

With a lopsided smile, Ren shrugged his shoulders. "Well, tomorrow, we don't have to do anything. Unless you have classes?" he asked.

"I don't," Yusuke shook his head. "And even if I did... I feel I've earned a day off."

Ren chuckled softly. "Yeah, you have," he nodded. "So, how about this, then? We can just... spend the day together. Sojiro's gonna cover the shop for me, so maybe we can go see a movie, and then come back here for your dance lesson?"

A real smile spread its way back across Yusuke's face as he crossed the room and glanced at Ren's bed. "A worthwhile use of a day indeed," he agreed.

As Yusuke climbed into Ren's bed, he cast a final look toward Ren on the couch. The glance was questioning, worried, almost like he was asking Ren for permission one last time. Ren responded with a smile, carding a hand through his hair as he watched Mona hop up into bed with Yusuke. He couldn't stifle the gentle chuckle before it escaped.

"Even if I wanted to say no now, which I don't, I think Mona decided for me."

Yusuke laughed softly, pulling the blanket up to his chest. "I suppose, of all the people to be with when my apartment building caught fire, I was fortunate to be with the kindest person in the known universe."

With a grin, Ren lowered himself to the couch and turned his eyes to the ceiling. "You're probably exaggerating a little bit, but I'm glad I was there, too."

Not long after they said their final good nights, Ren heard the room fill with the sound of deep rhythmic breathing. Yusuke was asleep. Good. Ren glanced out the window, just in time to see the sky lighting up. The sun would be coming up soon, which meant that if he didn't fall asleep quickly, he wouldn't at all. The building would fill with the sounds of Sojiro opening the shop on the ground floor. As long as Ren got to sleep beforehand, though… he'd be fine. He glanced back up at the ceiling and closed his eyes. Tomorrow was another day, and another chance for him to finally be honest and tell Yusuke how he felt. With a whole day together, if he didn't manage to pull it off, then there was really no hope for him at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROGRESS... sorta. Darn house fire. Maybe we could've made some _real_ progress without it!
> 
> Thanks to Treya and Pam for betaing, as usual!


	12. Spectrum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _say my name,_  
>  _and every color illuminates._  
>  _we are shining,_  
>  _and we will never be afraid again..._  
> [spectrum](https://open.spotify.com/track/0a6HR0FYRZDBIg27Wbm7NH?si=8hPAcZoMTiCSUI-A64tWzA) ;; florence + the machine  
> [ [youtube link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC-_lVzdiFE) ]

It had been a wonderful day so far. Ren and Yusuke had slept until mid-afternoon, then caught a double feature at the movies when they woke up. Yusuke's pick was a period drama about Renaissance France, with lots of artistic references that went way over Ren's head. As he watched Yusuke with an eager twinkle in his eyes as each new piece of information appeared on the screen, he couldn't have cared less how much he did or didn't understand, though. The second movie was Ren's choice, a zombie vampire thriller that seemed to have Yusuke's attention just as much as his Renaissance film.

Yusuke seemed incredibly excited about the vampire thriller as they walked from the theater in Shibuya to the cafe to get some dinner. He talked eagerly about both movies for the whole walk, and for a few minutes after they were seated. Then, for the next fifteen minutes, he sketched a new idea on a table napkin. Ren simply watched him as that excited twinkle in his eye turned to a focused furrow of the brow.

Whatever expression he wore, he was beautiful. All Ren could really do was stare and hope not to be blinded by his bright burning light.

All of dinner, they talked about the music playing on the café's radio. As it turned out, Yusuke was a music lover as well. Ren couldn't say he was surprised. It seemed like Yusuke had an innate fondness for everything artistic. According to him, the only music he was ever exposed to with Madarame was classical, because it gave his art a "certain feel," but since he left Madarame's tutelage, he'd opened his mind to new types of music. "Now, I want to listen to all of it, to learn more and be able to apply all of it to my art."

They talked about music throughout dinner, and Ren promised to give Yusuke his whole list of music recommendations when they got back to Leblanc. He also made a promise that they would dance to Ren's favorite song someday.

"Not tonight, though," Ren told him. "Tonight… I have plans."

Yusuke's eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline. "Plans?" he asked as they got on the train.

At first, all Ren did was nod. When he saw Yusuke looking at him inquisitively, though, he couldn't help but grin a little wider. "It's a surprise," he insisted as they slid into their seats. "All I'm gonna tell you is that we're continuing where we left off the other day."

"More waltzing?" Yusuke asked. Judging by his expression, he seemed pleased by the development.

Ren nodded. "I hope you don't mind."

With an eager smile, Yusuke shook his head. "Of course I don't mind. I rather enjoyed waltzing with you."

 _'With you.'_ Ren blinked a couple of times, smoothing a hand through his hair and scratching the back of his neck. If he was going to be putting it all on the table later, the least he could do was put part of it on the table now. "I, uh… I liked waltzing with you, too."

As soon as the train started, their conversation picked up and Yusuke told Ren all about the new idea he'd just sketched on his napkin. Apparently, it was a comic idea for one of his classes, which spun both of the movies they'd just seen into his own universe. A zombie vampire living—or, after-living—in Renaissance France. Ren couldn't help but grin at the passion with which he shared his idea. It was his usual flowery language, but there was a new level of excitement Ren hadn't expected.

A few people around them were staring with varying reactions, but Ren didn't care. Yusuke was happy, and because of that, Ren was happy. The conversation continued all the way from Shibuya to Yongen, then off the train and to Leblanc. They arrived right on time for Futaba to lock the door, and the closer they got to her, the more Ren realized it wasn't necessarily a good thing.

She was grinning. She was grinning a huge, sly grin, the sight of which almost made Ren want to tug Yusuke into a dark alley to hide until she was gone.

"Inari! Flower Child! Fancy meetin' you here!"

Ren raised an eyebrow. "You mean… right by where I live and work?" he asked.

Ticking her shoulder up in a nonchalant shrug, Futaba stuffed her hands into her pockets. "If you wanna go bein' all technical about it, yeah. Didn't expect to see you guys back until way later."

"Ah. We have plans to attend to," answered Yusuke.

Futaba's grin only grew. "I'll bet you do," she teased, elbowing Ren in the ribs as she passed. "Don't stay up too late, guys. Flower Child's gotta open tomorrow morning."

Sighing in exasperation, Ren glared at Futaba as she walked away. Normally, this would be where he told her she had the absolute wrong idea. She did, for the most part, but if their conversation went favorably, well… Ren couldn't say he would be able to keep resisting his urge to kiss Yusuke. Choosing to ignore Futaba for the moment—even the way she turned and glanced at him over her shoulder with an even bigger grin on her face—he shook off the awkwardness and hoped Yusuke didn't notice. It seemed like he was partially confused by the exchange. He watched Futaba retreat, then turned toward Ren with a perplexed expression on his face.

Yusuke arched an eyebrow. "Flower Child?"

Laughing, Ren nodded. "She's called me that since she first warmed up to me. I feel like, as far as nicknames go, it's tame."

"I'm inclined to agree, since I'm apparently Inari. I'm unaware of how I became a sushi roll, but I would have liked to know in advance," Yusuke mused with a laugh.

Shrugging, Ren mused, "That's just Futaba, honestly," and smiled fondly.

"Indeed. Odd. She is odd," Yusuke remarked.

Ren laughed to himself as he unlocked the door Futaba had just locked. "Tell me about it. It's fine. Just ignore it for now, and let's go upstairs and get to the lesson, huh?"

After Ren let Yusuke into the cafe and locked the door behind them, Yusuke glanced behind the counter at the display filled with different coffee beans, and then back at Ren with a sheepish smile on his face. "Though, perhaps a cup of coffee would provide us with the kick it takes to get through such rigorous dance training?" he asked, his tone hinting.

With a laugh, Ren nodded. "I didn't know my dance training was so rigorous. Maybe my good friend Yusuke just wants coffee and is trying to be polite by not asking for it straight out," he teased gently.

In the dim light of Leblanc after-hours, Ren could just barely pick up the hint of a flush on Yusuke's cheeks. Laughing just as sheepishly as he'd smiled before, he pushed back the very same loose strand of hair that always seemed to fall from his ponytail.

"I could go for some coffee anyway," Ren answered the unasked question, stepping behind the counter and getting a scoop of Yusuke's favorite blend.

Yusuke sat at the counter and took the cafe napkin from his pocket. Just like that, as though Futaba had never appeared and embarrassed them, they were back to talking about Yusuke's comic idea.

As the coffee brewed, they took turns getting changed into their pajamas in Leblanc's bathroom. Ren took the chance to psych himself up about the possible conversation they would be having that night, and how it might have changed everything between them for the best. A small voice in the back of Ren's mind reminded him that the conversation could _also_ change things for the worst, but he shook the thought away before it had a chance to scare him away from saying what needed to be said.

Afterward, Ren closed the shop down again, and the pair of them went back up to his room. Mona lifted his head, just barely acknowledging their existence, before curling up to go back to sleep. They shared a chuckle at Mona's near non-acknowledgment of their presence. Yusuke sat down on the couch to sip at his coffee, and watched as Ren moved furniture around the room to turn it into a small dance space. Ren moved the table to the corner, then opened his laptop and pulled up a playlist he had spent several hours making the week prior, when he first considered confessing his feelings. As he looked it over, he felt his whole face flushing red. So many of these songs were cheesy, and they'd probably make things stupidly obvious. Still, with his inability to find the words on his own, he hoped the musicians he chose could do it for him.

After taking a long sip from his coffee cup and wishing it would bolster his courage like alcohol would have, Ren turned to Yusuke. "You ready?" he asked. "We're going to be doing more turns and stuff this time, so—"

Yusuke nodded. "Yes. I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit it, but after our first dance, I practiced the steps you taught me on my own." He chuckled sheepishly, setting his coffee to the side and joining Ren.

"You did?" Ren blinked, surprised.

Nodding, Yusuke glanced down at the floor. "Um, y-yes," he admitted. "Just in case I was ever in a position where you asked me to dance again."

Ren blinked. Had Yusuke just said... "Where _I_ asked you to dance again?" he asked.

"Yes..." Yusuke answered, quirking his head and looking at Ren like _Ren_ was the one who'd said something strange.

Yusuke was the one who'd said something strange though. Even though Yusuke had just spoken the words plainly and clearly, he had a hard time believing that Yusuke wanted _him_ to request another dance. His face was about as red as Ren's, which was a little bit strange too, but Ren didn't point it out. The gentle swell of romantic music still filled the room, and Ren found himself wondering if Yusuke could already tell what he was trying to say. If he could, he was hiding it well. Yusuke stood in the middle of the room, his hands in his pockets and his eyes following Ren around the room as Ren moved the last few things out of their way so their dance practice went smoothly.

Ren felt like his heart was trying to burst from his chest, but he did his best to keep his cool. By the end of the song, there was a decent chance Yusuke would know exactly what he felt. Unless he was an idiot again, which was also a distinct possibility.

"You ready?" Ren asked, lifting his arms and gesturing for Yusuke to join him.

As Yusuke stepped into position, his hands finding their designated positions, he nodded sharply. "Yes."

Once they were both settled, Ren counted them off, and they started dancing again. It was far smoother this time. Yusuke's practice was pretty obvious, because he was effortlessly following Ren's lead, bobbing and leaning with Ren as they danced in circles around Ren's room. When Ren spun Yusuke, he didn't stumble or fall, which was both good and bad. It was good because there was no risk of injury, but Ren found himself lamenting the fact that he wouldn't get to hold Yusuke the way he had when Yusuke had fallen against him. Still, the improvement was impressive. Yusuke was much lighter on his feet, and his movements were less methodical than before.

During a quiet moment, when the music was in a decrescendo, Ren raised his eyes and met Yusuke's. Right then, everything else took a backseat. Dancing, music, focus… nothing mattered more than the space between them and how it was too much. He was still able to keep the beat and remember his steps, but everything other than Yusuke and their closeness completely disappeared from his mind. To his great surprise, Yusuke was looking back at him and easily keeping step. Ren subconsciously tugged Yusuke's body a little bit closer, and surprisingly, Yusuke followed his lead. Their chests were so close together that Ren could feel Yusuke's heartbeat.

It was fast. Maybe even faster than Ren's own.

This was it. This was the moment; the signal he was looking for. Ren's heart picked up a little more speed, and he pulled in a deep, slow breath. Then, he leaned in, placing his lips close to Yusuke's ear, and he whispered:

"Yusuke… I really like you."

"You like me?"

Ren paused. It was probably important to be specific with someone who took things as literally as Yusuke did. That added a whole new layer to the conversation, and one Ren wasn't exactly sure he was ready for. He thought maybe he'd be able to rip it off like a band-aid, but now he realized he probably had to explain it a little more.

With a nod, Ren continued. "Um… I have feelings for you."

For a second, it felt like Yusuke's breathing completely stopped. He stopped moving, stopped dancing, stopped everything, and in that second, Ren felt like his worst fears were coming to life. Yusuke didn't like him. All of his signals were crossed, and not only had he just completely humiliated himself but he'd also possibly lost an amazing friend. His mind was already reeling, trying desperately to find a way to make this okay again, before he completely ruined everything. He leaned back, away from Yusuke's ear, and tried with all his might to build the courage to meet his friend's eye again.

"You… have feelings for me?"

Fortunately, the tone of Yusuke's voice did more than anything else could have done to snap Ren's eyes back to his face. When he did, he was definitely surprised. Yusuke looked shocked, but not unpleasantly so. His face was still red, maybe even redder now than it was before, and his eyes were open wide.

Why, though? Was it such a crazy concept, the thought that Ren would be interested in him? He was beautiful, intelligent, unique, kind… Ren was sure dozens of people liked him. Maybe even more.

Instead of any kind of meaningful affirmation, all Ren could manage to say was, "I… y-yeah. I do."

Ren tried to deflect any awkwardness by picking up their dance again, and was surprised when Yusuke followed his lead. That wasn't what he meant to say in the least. He wanted to translate the thoughts he'd just had, about how beautiful and intelligent Yusuke was, into words. His mind wasn't playing nice, though. It was lost in Yusuke, who looked completely flustered, red-faced, and at a complete loss. Ren could feel Yusuke's heart pounding against his chest, but he still made no move whatsoever to move away from Ren.

"N-no one has ever told me they... " Yusuke trailed off, his voice was barely a whisper. Ren could hear the embarrassment rolling from him in waves. "To think that someone like you could possibly…"

Ren blinked. "Someone like me?" he asked.

Nodding, Yusuke continued. "Brilliant. As beautiful as a midsummer night, with eyes that eyes sparkle bright enough to make even the stars quake in envy." Each word he spoke was in an awestruck whispering gasp. "Someone kinder than any holy being ever written into scripture. To think that someone like you would like someone like me… I can scarcely believe—"

Ren replied, "I'm not… "

"You are," Yusuke countered. "All that and more."

In an attempt to break Yusuke from his surprised trance, Ren took the opportunity to spin him around, before pulling him a little bit closer. Yusuke's response, the uncertainty and the implication that no one had ever told him they liked him before and the affirmations in how he saw Ren, were more bolstering than Ren could have expected. While their bodies were pressed flush against one another, Ren leaned closer and whispered in Yusuke's ear.

"Does that mean… you have feelings for me, too?"

The red on Yusuke's face spread a little further, and he pulled his lip into his mouth for a second. "It does. Very much so," he finally answered, his tone shaky with nerves.

Ren straightened his head, meeting Yusuke's eyes. The pair of them stopped dancing again, and Ren lifted his now-free hand to brush that pesky strand of hair from Yusuke's face. He flicked his eyes down to glance at Yusuke's lips, then back up to his eyes, in a silent request for permission. Maybe it was brave. Maybe it was too much to assume that Yusuke wanted to cross that threshold, too…

… but when Yusuke responded by dashing his tongue out to wet his lips, the answer was pretty clear.

The hand once cradling Yusuke's back moved down to rest on his hip. The other came up to rest on his cheek. Ren urged him forward just slightly, then craned his neck upward, capturing Yusuke's lips with his own. Ren's eyes fluttered closed, but he could feel Yusuke's fingers clutching his bicep, and his other hand coming up to tangle in Ren's unruly hair. Ren parted his lips slightly, and teased Yusuke's lower lip with his teeth. Yusuke's lips parted, too, and when their tongues brushed each other, Ren was completely and totally lost.

They kissed until neither of them could breathe, and when they finally broke for air, Ren leaned his head forward and let it come to rest on Yusuke's shoulder.

"W-wow. For someone who said no one's ever said they like him before… you're a damn good kisser."

Yusuke laughed a breathy laugh into Ren's hair. "I only followed your lead. You're an incredible leader, Ren," he whispered. The air created by his words tickled Ren's scalp and sent a shiver down his spine.

Ren turned his head just slightly, speaking so that his lips brushed Yusuke's neck. "Have you ever—had you ever, I guess—kissed someone before?" As Ren spoke, he could feel Yusuke's body and grip tense at the feeling of Ren's breath against smooth skin.

"No," Yusuke responded in a heady voice. "I… ah, I'm afraid I've led a rather sheltered life. For a long time, the opportunity never presented itself… and I was finally free of those shackles, I was too busy to seek the opportunity out."

A shame, but it made sense, in a way. Yusuke was fiercely dedicated to his art, and he mentioned that other things fell to the wayside. Romance was obviously one of those things. Still, Ren counted himself lucky that he was able to break past the barrier.

Ren dotted an open-mouthed kiss to Yusuke's neck, and when Yusuke responded by tilting his head to the side to reveal more of the skin to Ren, Ren simply kissed him again. Yusuke's breath hitched, and he dug his fingertips a little deeper into Ren's bicep, leaning his body impossibly closer. He tangled his fingers into Ren's hair, before finally finding his breath again and breathing in an unsteady stream of air.

It stood to reason, that Yusuke would have never been kissed like this, so it was all brand new to him. Simple things, like a kiss to the neck—hell, even Ren's breath on his neck—seemed to be driving him crazy. As close as they were, Ren could very clearly feel the outline of Yusuke's interest pressing against his hip. That was more than fair, to be honest. Ren was pretty interested, himself.

There was only one thing holding him back, and it was a pretty important one. Ren lifted his head, resting his forehead against Yusuke's again, and leaning in to steal another kiss. It was a little more intense than he meant it to be. This time, the kiss was supposed to be a brief, chaste one; a bit of punctuation to serve as a temporary end of their feelings confession… but it was turning out to be anything but. They kissed with brushing tongues, and Ren could feel their hearts pounding in time.

When they broke for air this time, Ren brushed his thumb along Yusuke's lower lip and gave him a sheepish smile. "W-we should stop before we get too carried away."

"I wouldn't mind…" Yusuke admitted, his voice just barely above a whisper.

Ren laughed breathily, his voice catching in his throat at the tone of Yusuke's voice. "Believe me… neither would I. I could… we could… but I want to do things right. I want things to be special."

"Special?" Yusuke asked, before tilting his head and peppering open-mouthed kisses to Ren's neck. "Special how?"

As difficult as it was to keep his composure with Yusuke's lips on his neck like that, Ren managed somehow. Doing things right, making Yusuke feel special, was so important to him that he managed to suppress his impulse. "I… I want to do things right. Romance you and everything." Just the words made his cheeks turn red. It was a little embarrassing to say.

Yusuke didn't seem fazed by the phrasing, though. He breathed a soft laugh against Ren's neck. "I assure you, I'm sufficiently romanced."

All Ren could do was laugh breathily, more than likely countering his words with his actions as he tilted his neck and allowed Yusuke easier access. As much as he attributed Yusuke's reaction to the kisses and the breath against his skin to how repressed he was, Ren's own reactions were pretty similar. His skin tingled, and Yusuke's kisses left little blossoms of warmth in their wake that flowed through his body, moved down south, and made it incredibly difficult to put the brakes on things.

Ren urged Yusuke to lift his head to look him in the eye again. "M-maybe you're romanced," he whispered, then leaned closer to Yusuke's ear before he continued. "But it gets even better."

"B-better?" Yusuke asked, and when Ren looked at his face again he saw a whole new shade of red.

Ren nodded. "You feel pretty good right now, don't you?" he asked.

All Yusuke did was hum in an affirmative response.

With a little smirk, Ren continued. "Okay, well… let's take it slow. We can go on a date or two." He brushed that same pesky strand of hair from Yusuke's eyes.

"I've never been on a date before," Yusuke admitted.

Ren smirked. "We can go somewhere typical for a date, or somewhere crazy, or even somewhere private that's just ours. It's totally up to you…" he offered. "As many places as you want. As many dates as you want."

It was kind of ridiculous, the way Ren was already willing to turn the world upside down to make sure the date was perfect. Or maybe it wasn't ridiculous. Honestly, as inexperienced as Yusuke was with all of this, Ren didn't really have a whole lot more experience. He'd dated casually, sure, but the only person he'd really been with for any extent of time where he needed to worry about dates and romance was Goro. Suffice it to say, Goro and Ren hadn't taken it slow. They'd rushed right into physicality, and over the three years they were together, their dates had to be squeezed into the rare moments when Goro had free time.

That was why it was so important to Ren, for this to be different. He didn't want physicality to be rushed. He wanted dates to be special, not just quick little moments splashed in whenever time could be found.

Yusuke needed to be different. Ren needed Yusuke to be different…

"That sounds incredible," Yusuke finally agreed, as he slid his fingers from Ren's hair and down to his cheek.

Good. Yusuke was on board. Ren knew he probably should have expected no less, but it was a relief to hear. "If you give me some time, I'll try and think of the most romantic place I can, and then surprise you."

Laughing a single breathy laugh, Yusuke mused, "It already sounds so romantic. I suppose you weren't kidding when you said better, were you?"

Ren shook his head and smiled, though the smile was still a little lopsided and awkward, given how close they were. Ren's whole body was still buzzing with heat and electricity from the kisses and touches. He pulled in a steadying breath, but then completely canceled it out by leaning in for another kiss. This time, it was slow and deliberate, like he was trying to slow the rotation of the earth.

With a bashful smile, Ren admitted, "if we keep this up, I don't know how long my self-control can last…"

"Perhaps we should call it a night?"

Ren laughed as he slowly detached all but their hands. "We didn't get to either of the lessons we promised we'd get to this week, did we?" he asked.

Responding with a laugh of his own, Yusuke shook his head. "Though this interruption was far more pleasant than last night's, I must say," he finished, running his teeth over his lower lip and ending with a grin.

"That's good," Ren said with a chuckle. "I've gotta say, if a feelings confession from me ranked lower than an apartment fire, it'd be the number one sign that I needed to re-evaluate everything."

That elicited a genuine laugh from Yusuke, and Ren felt his smile growing a little less awkward and a lot more genuine. Good. If the laughter and comfort was any indication, the confession wouldn't make things weird. Ren paused for a second, then glanced from the bed to the couch. Sleeping arrangements needed to be cleared up.

"So," Ren started. "We have… we've got a few different options for sleeping tonight."

Yusuke glanced at the couch, then followed Ren's gaze to the bed. "Indeed we do."

"I wouldn't mind if you took my bed again," Ren insisted.

He thought back to the futon Yusuke was sleeping on back at his apartment, and while it probably worked in an apartment completely filled with art… if Ren could help him sleep more comfortably while he was here, he'd do whatever he could to make it happen.

Yusuke shook his head. "It would feel unfair," he replied. "Taking your bed while you were stuck on the couch?"

A silence hung in the air, and a glance at Yusuke showed his mind had gone to exactly the same place Ren's had. No one would have to sleep on the couch if they just… shared the bed. It was a small bed, and they were both taller boys, but if they stayed close…

They shared a glance, and it was a strange feeling. Ren had never really communicated silently with anyone before. Right then, though, it was almost like he could hear exactly what Yusuke was thinking. Without a word exchanged between them, they crawled into the bed. Ren slept on the outside, and Yusuke on the inside. Yusuke pressed his back against Ren's chest, and Ren draped his arm over Yusuke's ribs, tugging him closer. It was quite possibly the most comfortable Ren had ever been in his life. One question remained.

"You comfortable?" Ren whispered to Yusuke.

Yusuke nodded. "Very," he murmured.

A few seconds later, Mona jumped up onto the bed near their feet and curl up behind Ren's knees. At that moment, as they both drifted off into a comfortable and peaceful sleep, everything in Ren's life felt absolutely perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!! :D
> 
> Thanks to Treya and Pam for the betas! ♥

**Author's Note:**

> FIND ME!  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lizibabbles) ;; [tumblr](http://lizibabbles.tumblr.com/)


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